Big age gap in relationship - experiences wanted

itsanne

dandy-candy wrote: »

My husband if 9 years older than me and it wasn't a problem until this last year. Now he is fifty he is getting very over weight, his joints ache, his knee has popped and won't get better, the pain means he can't do much in the bedroom and he's too grumpy and set in his ways to seriously diet. As much a s I love my hubby and will stay with him, if I had known how this would turn out I would have stuck to boyfriends my own age. I Will honestly tell my daughter to not marry a man with this age gap.
I have a friend who's husband is twenty years older and they split when he got to 60. He was always fit and active, But he became such a crotchety old misery and they hadn't had sex for nearly ten years. I seriously don't recommend it.

There's nine years between my husband and me too, but we're older than you - I'm 60. None of what you describe applies. We've been married forty years. Would I make the same choice again, knowing all that I know now? In a heartbeat!


Rocketqueen, everyone is different. Dandy-candy's husband is old at 50, mine isn't at 69. What matters is how the two of you feel about it, and to some extent your families as it will be more difficult if they don't accept it - but they are likely to come around over time.

mowdrops

My husband is 10 years older than me, and he is 6foot 2 and I am only 4foot 9.We have been married for 48 years tomorrow . We have 3children and 4 grandchildren and have just become great grandparents. It does not worry us in the least that there is such a difference and I would do it all again.

JoW123

I was married previously at 27 to a man who was 42. We were together for 6 years. The marriage failed as we couldn't conceive despite IVF. He already had children and I had none. It was the best relationship I have ever had. Since then I see him occasionally in passing. He is over 60 and physically fit whereas I was diagnosed with inflammatory arthritis three years ago at 42!! You can never predict where life will take you so if it's right for you now then go for it!

j.e.j.

Hi OP

I started a thread on this subject a while ago when I was a guest at the wedding of a couple who had (or have, I should say) a huge age gap between them.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4718307

Actually the age gap is bigger than I had thought when I started the thread (she's in her early 30s, he's in his 60s, so 30 years :eek: He also had a child from a previous marriage who is older than his new bride!!

Yes, being honest, they look like father and daughter, and yes it probably does raise a few eyebrows when they go out, but they seem happy.

TBeckett100

Taking on an older man is like buying an old house. Within a few years the plumbing will pack up and you'll be left with the creaking.

I was 19 when I dated a 40 year old. It was when she told me to hang my coat up in the cupboard that I realised she was too like my mother and she had to go.

meritaten

I don't think age matters. my dad was 14 years older than mum. he died young anyway. he was the love of mums life and there has never been anyone else for her.
they loved each other - that is all that matters.
I don't think any of us kids thought about the age difference.

onlyroz

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Taking on an older man is like buying an old house. Within a few years the plumbing will pack up and you'll be left with the creaking.

Whereas if you stick with a young man it'll be decades before you manage to save enough to buy a house at all

System

I look at Richard Madely and Judy Finnegan and think nahhhhh! He's relatively young looking and she looks ancient.

Savvy_Sue

January20 wrote: »

I fear the problems mentioned in the above posts could happen even if you married somebody the same age: they could still grow fat, lose interest in the bedroom and end up in a home for many years!

That is true, but I think that in any relationship you should give a bit of thought to the future.

I know someone who married someone much older the same year as DH and I married - let's call them A and B. Both they and we have had over 30 very happy years together, but A and B know they haven't got much longer together: A is pretty much housebound apart from hospital appointments and stays, and B doesn't like to leave A alone for long in case A falls or needs something.

Yes, something equally devastating could have happened to us - but it was more likely to happen to them IMO, and I'm sure B thought about that before taking A on.

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Taking on an older man is like buying an old house. Within a few years the plumbing will pack up and you'll be left with the creaking.

I was 19 when I dated a 40 year old. It was when she told me to hang my coat up in the cupboard that I realised she was too like my mother and she had to go.

:rotfl:

TBeckett100

onlyroz wrote: »

Whereas if you stick with a young man it'll be decades before you manage to save enough to buy a house at all

You can rent instead and then when a better 'house' comes along upgrade