Big age gap in relationship - experiences wanted

Cyberman60

Age is just a number. It's how you feel inside that counts, so ignore the ageist bigots and enjoy your life.

nearlyrich

My DH is over 20 years older in years but we are still on the same wavelength we have been together for 25 years married for 17 years, he is retired and I am still working but will finish next year. We enjoy the same things and he doesn't look his age at all. If you worry too much about anything you never enjoy the present.

onlyroz

There are 17 years between me and my husband. We married when I was 22 and he was 39. We are now 35 and 52 respectively. There are issues when there is an age gap that wouldn't exist if you were a similar age but I don't think they are insurmountable.

In our situation I had children sooner than I might have done otherwise, because hubby didn't want to be an "old dad". There are also some health issues as well, which might get worse as he gets older, but we have dealt with these so far. I do worry that I might ultimately end up in a carer role but that's a scenario not just limited to age-gap relationships. I suppose I also worry about being alone during my own retirement, but that can be resolved by joining organisations such as the U3A and similar.

missg2210

There is only 7 years between me and my partner - and we have been together 4 years. He has just turned 30 very fit & active and all i can say is that I am the more mature & sensible one - men get older but they never grow up.

Cyberman60

missg2210 wrote: »

There is only 7 years between me and my partner - and we have been together 4 years. He has just turned 30 very fit & active and all i can say is that I am the more mature & sensible one - men get older but they never grow up.

So true, we never grow up. I'm 60 and very fit and active for that reason !! :eek:

gayleygoo

A relative of mine was in a similar situation until recently - big age gap between her and her boyfriend (nearly 30 years I think), his children the same age as her, and she was very worried about telling her parents. When she did finally tell them, they were very happy for her! I'm sure they have their worries too, but they are good parents and wouldn't want to interfere in their daughter's happiness. Hopefully your family will be just as understanding. If not, they will have to get used to it.

Pay no attention to people in the street. I think it's unlikely that there are many people staring at you, and even if a few do, just ignore them and be happy! I often get told I look less than 18, but I have two children (and expecting a third), so I do understand the feeling that you are being judged by random strangers in the street, but you have to not let it control your life.

As long as you are good to each other and are both happy, what can anyone really say?

Mojisola

rocketqueen wrote: »

This doesn't matter to us at all, but other people don't seem to see it that way. I look young for my age anyway which doesn't help and we quite often get starred at where ever we go etc

You're probably being over-sensitive but some people might be curious.

When I started taking my Dad to hospital appointments, the staff were sometime unsure whether I was his daughter or his wife. One nurse said that "his wife could wait over there" for him and then was very embarrassed when I explained Mum was at home and I was their daughter.

After that, I always tried to make it clear from the start by calling him "Dad" or saying to them "my father ..." - some couples would complain if staff got it wrong so they have to be careful what they say.

VestanPance

dandy-candy wrote: »

My husband if 9 years older than me and it wasn't a problem until this last year. Now he is fifty he is getting very over weight, his joints ache, his knee has popped and won't get better, the pain means he can't do much in the bedroom and he's too grumpy and set in his ways to seriously diet. As much a s I love my hubby and will stay with him, if I had known how this would turn out I would have stuck to boyfriends my own age. I Will honestly tell my daughter to not marry a man with this age gap.
I have a friend who's husband is twenty years older and they split when he got to 60. He was always fit and active, But he became such a crotchety old misery and they hadn't had sex for nearly ten years. I seriously don't recommend it.

Neither of those examples are anything to do with age. They're personality attributes.

I've met people in their 60's of both sexes who regularly compete in marathons and triathlons etc.

bouicca21

I'd be much more worried that you are only a year post what was presumably a very upsetting break up. I doubt you are yet in any state to contemplate a long term relationship.

themull1

bouicca21 wrote: »

I'd be much more worried that you are only a year post what was presumably a very upsetting break up. I doubt you are yet in any state to contemplate a long term relationship.

I didn't know that there was a set period where you couldn't have a life after a breakup? Everyones different. My husband left me in the January, met my next husband in the July after three months on a dating website. Life is far too short to sit around moping!!