sexless marriage :(

itsanne

dontwannabecelibate wrote: »

thank you. i've been close to tears with it at work this afternoon and now fighting them back on the train. i have to do something about this but i'm worried that she just doesn't love or fancy me anymore and that when she's lost the weight she'll realise and leave me. i really don't want that to happen.

She loved you enough to be with you in the first place and she hasn't left you yet, so calm down. Losing weight takes time too. You have time to show her that things are going to be different - because they are, aren't they? Wanting to make things better is a good starting point for making the necessary changes. (On it's own it's not enough. You have to actually make the changes too!)

Having read through everything, I think you've been given a pretty hard time on this thread. That's not to say that comments have not been justified, but I suspect that you do have some sort of difficulty with understanding how to react / behave and would strongly suggest that you speak to your GP. It would also be a good idea to tell your wife if you decide to do that so she realises that you are taking the problem seriously. You need to be communicating with her in every respect much more than you have been.

Do you feel you understand how to play with your child? That question is because you playing a game (regardless of what it is) on the Playstation was not the best way of spending time with your child that morning. If not, a separate thread about what to do with your child wouldn't be a bad idea as a starting point.

BWZN93

dontwannabecelibate wrote: »

i'm sorry i don't know who that is.

And you claim to have been spending your evenings in front of the TV while your wife does everything at home? I'm out.

If you are for real, I'd have left you by now. Sorry if this is harsh, but sitting on your fat !!!! whilst watching your wife run around taking care of the kid and the home isn't normal. You sound like you have no interest in your family and home and the lack of sex is the only thing that has alerted you to the problem.

Honestly; I'm wondering if it might be too late for you anyway. Once the respect had gone then she'll just view you as another big kid and the marriage is effectively over anyway. Takes a LOT to be able to come back from that.

j.e.j.

duchy wrote: »

OP You might find it useful to read up a bit about adult Aspergers and strategies you can use . There are LOTS of non diagnosed adult aspies out there .

Are there? There may well be some, but I think 'some' people also like to hang a medical label on themselves. It makes them feel special and it saves them the bother of being polite or sociable towards others. And it's often a medical label gained by doing a personality quiz on Facebook :rotfl:

In short: not all dense/selfish/rude people have Aspergers. And vice versa.

But anyway, aspie or not, if this OP is for real I am seriously wondering what the wife ever saw in him, to be honest.

millysg1

I get very bad eczema which can be brought on by skin contact or breathing in fumes of cleaning products. This means my OH cleans the bathrooms and kitchens, while I do over stuff around the house like Hoover, dust, clothes washing, ironin etc.

BUT sometimes my husband is busy, with work or DIY, and I see it needs doing so I do it. I take extra precaution by wearing gloves, taped around the ends so water can't get in, and sometimes a face mask to stop me breathing it in. It doesn't alwasys work but it's worth it as these things need doing and I can't expect my OH to do it all the time.

Lily-Rose_3

j.e.j. wrote: »

Are there? There may well be some, but I think 'some' people also like to hang a medical label on themselves. It makes them feel special and it saves them the bother of being polite or sociable towards others. And it's often a medical label gained by doing a personality quiz on Facebook :rotfl:

In short: not all dense/selfish/rude people have Aspergers. And vice versa.

But anyway, aspie or not, if this OP is for real I am seriously wondering what the wife ever saw in him, to be honest.

Totally agree with this. :T

Far too many people are desperate to hang a label on themselves - as you said, to make them feel special, or to give them an excuse to be rude, and get away with it.

Same goes for children. The amount of children at my daughters school who were diagnosed with ADHD when they were just naughty and disruptive, or diagnosed with dyslexia, when they were just poor at English (or plain lazy!) is laughable. Half the children there had SOME kind of 'issue.'

Too many people are too quick to use a medical diagnosis as an excuse. Yes there are genuine dyslexics of course, and genuine ADHD/Asperger's sufferers, but there are far more who are diagnosed with things, who were just badly disciplined, and badly raised.

All this said, I think the OP is a wind-up.

j.e.j.

Lily-Rose wrote: »

All this said, I think the OP is a wind-up.

I hope it's a wind up..

Because if it isn't, some poor woman possibly with self-esteem issues, has got herself lumbered with this bloke.

And if his behaviour in other aspects of life is anything to go by, I am not surprised he's not getting any action :rotfl: Demanding, self-indulgent and inconsiderate aren't usually traits you'd look for in a lover.

candygirl

JoW123 wrote: »

This has to be a wind up....!!

I chuffin hope so:mad::eek:

duchy

And I think you are talking out of your bottom

It's rare adults choose to self label ASD -yes some parents may fall into the ASD/ADHD/ADD excuse with children but that is *entirely* different.

Living with a (diagnosed) aspie I see first hand how much he wants to fit in but struggles big time to do so and it causes him great unhappiness...... Aspergers and selfishness are two entirely different things, and only a cretin wouldn't be able to understand the difference. People like you with your airy dismissal of mental illness and neurological conditions seriously pee me off. Your ignorance is hardly an attractive quality. I see Silly Nose is agreeing with you - says it all really !!

j.e.j. wrote: »

Are there? There may well be some, but I think 'some' people also like to hang a medical label on themselves. It makes them feel special and it saves them the bother of being polite or sociable towards others. And it's often a medical label gained by doing a personality quiz on Facebook :rotfl:

In short: not all dense/selfish/rude people have Aspergers. And vice versa.

But anyway, aspie or not, if this OP is for real I am seriously wondering what the wife ever saw in him, to be honest.

pollypenny

VestanPance wrote: »

The OP's posts work better if you read them thinking he's Sheldon Cooper.

Not bright Enough! :cool:

He sounds more like Joey from Friends.

Missme

OP, does your wife simply not enjoy sex or does she not enjoy sex with you? Are you making it worth her while, so to speak? Are you making sure she's satisfied?


If your wife just doesn't enjoy sex, however hard you try to please her, then, sorry to say, if you want to stay with her you're going to be virtually celibate.


Otherwise, I know I detest doing things that bring me no joy. And if there are other frustrating factors, they can all be rolled together into a massive amount of disappointment and resentment.


Try to woo her, make her laugh, make her feel desired and admired. Organise dates (and baby sitting), buy her a bar of her favourite chocolate, give her a quick squeeze and tell her you love her. Make her laugh, make her laugh, make her laugh.


Notice what she does around the house and do your share. Don't ask her where something is, know where you put it!