sexless marriage :(

dontwannabecelibate

VestanPance wrote: »

The OP's posts work better if you read them thinking he's Sheldon Cooper.

i'm sorry i don't know who that is.

dontwannabecelibate

itsanne wrote: »

Do you now understand why your wife was so unhappy about what you were doing on the Playstation? (You obviously didn't at the time.)

Part in bold: You've had a lot of good advice, as well as some posts which must have been difficult. You've done really well to take it on the chin. Trying the things suggested is great, but bear in mind that it's going to take quite a lot of time to change the dynamics between you and your wife. You're not looking at a few days of effort and then everything will be all right. It's taken years to get to where you are now, so you will need to persevere to convince your wife that things are really different and will stay that way.

thank you. i've been close to tears with it at work this afternoon and now fighting them back on the train. i have to do something about this but i'm worried that she just doesn't love or fancy me anymore and that when she's lost the weight she'll realise and leave me. i really don't want that to happen.

dontwannabecelibate

Pollycat wrote: »

How old is your child?

Did you not stop to think about the wisdom (or lack of it) of playing this game?

Did you - or do you now - understand why your wife 'went nuts'?

3.5

i thought she'd be pleased to have the extra sleep but i think it just confirmed to her that i can't be trusted to look after our child.

dontwannabecelibate

dottymrsp wrote: »

Regardless of the rating, letting a kid watch a video game of a rating older than they are is a discussion parents should have together... not one of them just by themselves

OP - I wonder if she was also hoping that as you'd gotten up early with the kid, you'd be spending some quality time with them?

i think you might be right. she listed a whole load of things i could have done with them instead of that which made me feel like a pretty dreadful father.

kitrat

Why not buy a boquet of good quality artificial flowers if it really is a big issue. If you're both dieting get a little box of something very nice. And/or you could buy her some bubble bath and run her a bath?

dontwannabecelibate

lazer wrote: »

I agree with this - the person at home should be doing the bulk of the housework, children take naps, they also generally watch TV, happily play in their cot etc, depending on age and housework can be done during these times.


However, I also think the person at home deserves a break sometimes but I also question how much housework need done. At weekends, I take a break from housework other than the basics of cooking and cleaning up after etc, washing, ironing, hovering etc can all wait to during the week, so I get to relax at the weekend.


Housework can be about compromise - if the 2 partners have different standards of cleanliness, (and both are livable - one is just spotless, the other lived in), then something has to give - for example dishes don't have to be done straight after dinner, but should be done before bed. A newspaper left on the coffee table isn't the end of the world, but if it builds up to a pile of 7 newspapers during the week, then they need to be cleared.

my wife is naturally very messy and does not see a lot of what i see. she says she knows where things are when they are piled up and most of the time if i ask her for something she can put her hand on it straight away. i don't want to live in a sterile environment and i don't mind some mess, but i don't understand her system and why we can't have logical places for everything.

our child hasn't napped since they were 18 months old so with homeschooling and social activities she doesn't have any time without them to focus on the jobs. we both agreed it was best for her to stay home and not go back to work, which makes me worry about money but we get by, but she just doesn't seem to enjoy anything but the child focused stuff.

dontwannabecelibate

kitrat wrote: »

Why not buy a boquet of good quality artificial flowers if it really is a big issue. If you're both dieting get a little box of something very nice. And/or you could buy her some bubble bath and run her a bath?

thats a nice idea. thank you.

i would like to buy real flowers but want to research which ones won't make me ill.

kitrat

kitrat wrote: »

Why not buy a boquet of good quality artificial flowers if it really is a big issue. If you're both dieting get a little box of something very nice. And/or you could buy her some bubble bath and run her a bath?

Ah I've just had a better idea, buy her bubble bath, run her a bath and then whilst she's in the bath tidy up the kitchen and lounge so when she comes back downstairs its all lovely and stress-free.

Gigglepig

Tip: book a few weeks parental leave and do ALL housework and childcare yourself. Then you might have some more appreciation of what your wife does and be able to better share the work on evenings and weekends.

OP sounds completely clueless but fortunately the wife is still there, so if he has now had a lightbulb moment there might be still time to rescue the relationship.

duchy

I have a twentysomething son with Aspergers.
He's a social nightmare -doesn't really see the point of asking people how they are or just doing something nice for someone he cares about - but has learned life is much nicer if he does these things. He also tends to see life in black and white with no shades of grey. He's also nice natured, gentle and has a wicked sense of humour however.

OP You might find it useful to read up a bit about adult Aspergers and strategies you can use . There are LOTS of non diagnosed adult aspies out there . Take a look on Amazon sometime for some useful books. Understanding is the first step -not as an excuse for your behaviour but as signposts to which of your traits need modifying to make life easier for you and your family. People with Aspergers or Aspergers traits just viewe the world a bit differently ...Einstein was one ....so it's not all bad