sexless marriage :(

arbrighton

You claim that she is messy but you leave mould round the bath and hair in the sink????
SHe's right, you are worse than a child and an ignorant, selfish git

millysg1

Step one - throw your PlayStation out!

millysg1

Step two - right a list of chores you WILL DO, everyday, when you get home from work and pin it up somewhere so you never forget.

Include some of the following
Put child's toys away
Then do a quick hoover of the lounge
empty dishwasher/put away any dishes from sink
Check washing machine/tumble dryer to see if anything needs putting away and then put it away
Read a book to your son every evening before bed
NEVER go on the PlayStation in the evenings
Offer to watch one programme with your wife (whatever she wants) and snuggle on the sofa together.
Ask your wife, everyday, how her day was. then compliment her on either her appearance, or something she done (i.e. dinner was lovely dear)

All the above doesn't involve chemicals that could effect your eczema or asthma.

millysg1

step three - Get a babysitter ASAP and take your wife out for a lovely dinner. Please, no expectation of sex afterwards!

Mojisola

millysg1 wrote: »

step three - Get a babysitter ASAP and take your wife out for a lovely dinner.

I think this advice is like the 'run her a bath' suggestion - don't tell her that she's having a bath now or coming out for a meal or anything else - start asking her what will make things better, listen and put those things into action.

millysg1

Mojisola wrote: »

I think this advice is like the 'run her a bath' suggestion - don't tell her that she's having a bath now or coming out for a meal or anything else - start asking her what will make things better, listen and put those things into action.

You're right!

onomatopoeia99

dontwannabecelibate wrote: »

i am bereft. i think she’s already left me. i've taken a day off sick today but she thinks i am in work. i don't know what to do.

I think "the housework" would be a good idea, since you're at home!

dottymrsp

Ok, I know it's tough and you're pretty emotional right now, but here's a few things you can do.
1. get on with the housework... if you have left a list of chores for her to do (husband tip: don't do that un-asked... my hubs does it for me, but that's because I'm forgetful so I asked him to do it) - do them yourself. Right now.
2. While you are doing them, practise this phrase: "You are right." if you want to expand it "You are right, I've not been treating you the way you deserve to be treated"
And the next time you see your wife that should be the first words out of your mouth.

Here's a quick tip I use when I'm working with children that you might want to bear in mind - the words 'I'm Sorry' on their own don't actually mean anything, you need to say 'I'm sorry, I promise to do my best not to do that again' - don't apologise for your behaviour... change it.

Oh, and talk to your wife ;-)

crazycatlady1984

dontwannabecelibate wrote: »

i’m sorry that I’ve been away for a while. i’ve been trying to take in all that’s happened and what’s been said here. on monday i bought my wife some bubble bath on the way home and while she put our child to bed i ran her a bubble bath. i don’t think this was the right thing to do. she said that she appreciated the thought, but that she didn’t really want to have a bath when it was covered in mould. she says she asked me weeks ago to air the bathroom after i shower as shutting the door means the air stays damp and then mould forms around the bath. she left the mould remover spray out as well but i didn’t take the hint. (she uses the downstairs shower room rather than the family bathroom.) she was very upset at this point so i left her in the bedroom. when she came downstairs i was playing on the playstation. it was as if the floodgates opened and she started shouting at me saying how useless i was, how i’m worse than a child, i do nothing, don’t think, take the !!!! and take her for granted every day. that she’s sick of being constantly criticised, sick of hearing my whiny voice, sick of having to do everything.

i came home from work last night to a letter. she said that talking to me makes no difference so she’s written it down. there’s a list of things on it. i’ll try and do a list here but not sure if it will work.

you constantly complain about things i don’t do or haven’t done while doing nothing yourself
you don’t notice anything i do
every day you add more and more to my to do list while doing less and less yourself
the things to remember board that you’ve put on the wall in the hall and add jobs to is ****ing demeaning
you spend more hours per week playing computer games than you do interacting with your family
if i come in to sit in the living room with a cuppa you’ll put something on television that i don’t want to watch
you go through the sky planner and ask me to watch my programmes on the iPad instead of on the television
you wait until i’m just about to fall asleep before talking to me. that’s when there’s something you want to discuss
you break wind around me when you know how much i hate it. saying sorry when you’ve done it isn’t enough.
you’ve made me responsible for buying your food, toiletries, clothes, getting your prescriptions, getting the car motd and serviced, car tax, all finances
you have are no effort for my birthday or mother’s day for the last 3 years
you’ll sit next to an airer full of dry clothes for days without thinking about folding the clothes and bringing them upstairs
you’ll sit playing computer games for hours and not notice that ******* has left toys that could be put away
you never suggest doing anything with me. you assume i’ll always be around to look after ******** and make arrangements to do your own things without discussing first
you still do nothing to keep the bathroom clear of mould. you never clean the toilet and leave hair clippings in the sink

she says that she feels she exists and that her real life ended years ago. she goes along with it because she couldn’t cope financially on her own and she keeps hoping that the man she married is still in there somewhere. she says i haven’t noticed that she spends her time in the kitchen or bedroom, not with me in the living room.

i am bereft. i think she’s already left me. i've taken a day off sick today but she thinks i am in work. i don't know what to do.

I've read this whole thing and will admit I have found it hilarious (particularly the bits about cant do the hovering as last time you did you woke up in the night and couldn't breathe and took you a "good hour or so" to calm down; and needing a course of steroids when your wife changed washing up liquid :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:).......I have also wondered if you were a troll.......


However, if you above is true, you are an absolute horror. Can I ask, what do you think of yourself? Do you think you are a good dad/husband? If not, do you care? From what I can see, not really. You care enough to post on a forum, and run a mouldy bubble bath, but that seems to be it.

What do you work as? Do you do anything else other than work and play the playstation?

pickledonionspaceraider

I haven't read the whole thread just the OP, am sick of reading posts like this

WHEN ARE SOME BLOKES GOING TO LEARN

If you treat a woman like a skivvy/cleaner/your mother - eventually, she is NOT going to find you attractive. She WILL resent you.

If you have been treating her like your personal skivvy for the last 14 years, i'e not lifting a finger around the house, you would be hard pushed to turn this around now, as it is ENGRAINED.