Brother in Law is Upset with Us

Andypandyboy

This thread reminds me of what my son witnessed over Xmas from a friend. They were playing pool as a group and one of them (all in their late 20's with good jobs) had chewing gum, another lad asked for a piece, and was told "sorry, but I am saving for a house so I am not giving anything away at the moment" and he didn't!

There is careful and there is tight......

lazer

OP - you sound like my brother, he is saving to buy a house and hoping to buy around May, and back in October agreed that we would buy the parents a joint present, which I sorted and purchased, he has now said he can't afford it, and can I wait to after they buy the house to get the money back.


He also said I wouldn't be getting a Christmas present, but thankfully changed his mind on that, and did come home with one for me and OH, and it was a nice thoughtful present, not overly expensive but thoughtful.


I bought a house in January 3 years ago and got married the following October, and never once did I not buy people presents for Birthdays or Christmas.


For those comparing the Maltesers to the Chocolate orange, he buys his SIL a box of Maltesers and buys his brother a book or similar - and this appears to be for non significant birthdays, I think he had a right to expect a decent 30th birthday from his brother and is right to be miffed.

tea_lover

lazer wrote: »

For those comparing the Maltesers to the Chocolate orange, he buys his SIL a box of Maltesers and buys his brother a book or similar - and this appears to be for non significant birthdays, I think he had a right to expect a decent 30th birthday from his brother and is right to be miffed.

Exactly. The present (if you can even call it that) was from his brother and his SIL. So he should have at least got a second hand book and unwanted chocolate .

Birdie85

Firstly, give the poster a break about her circumstances and posting history. There's having a bit of a laugh at the absurdity of the 'MMD', but then there's bullying and some are getting a bit close to the bone.

But... a regifted Chocolate Orange for your BIL's 30th?! That is beyond tight and so rude!

His birthday is on the same day every year. It was his 30th on top of that. You could have looked around the supermarket during your weekly shop and got a little token gift from the sale section that took a little more thought but would have cost less than £5. We also don't know if he went crying to his Mum, or if she asked about it and he said 'Meh, all I got from my brother was a short dated Chocolate Orange'. My Mum would have had a good moan at my brother if he'd done that to me, no whining from me required!

My BIL only buys small, cheap gifts for my DH, me and our DS (if he actually does bother to get me anything, last couple of years he's just posted a message on my FB wall!) but we still make an effort to get him something thoughtful as a) we'd feel terrible if we didn't and b) he's single so has to buy for 3 people on his own and we only buy for 1 person between us. It's just the nice thing to do.

It's my 30th this year... if I get a Chocolate Orange I'll know where my family have been looking for inspiration!!! :rotfl:

rainbowfairydust

I have to say i would be offended, and very upset if a close relative gave me a re-gifted chocolate orange for a present.

I would have bought/made a nice card for him, and then say to me i am sorry we have no money at all currently, but would love to take you out for a meal/do something at this time when we have more money to spare.

Why couldnt you have made him a cake or something? Again for me this would have lessened the "blow". I know its not about how much you spend but come on - you have made ZERO effort for him.

rainbowfairydust

Birdie85 wrote: »

. We also don't know if he went crying to his Mum, or if she asked about it and he said 'Meh, all I got from my brother was a short dated Chocolate Orange'. My Mum would have had a good moan at my brother if he'd done that to me, no whining from me required!

Same for my mum as well. I imagine she would also go out & buy something for him on my behalf & tell me i owed her X amount.

Skintmama

I don't think that you personally OP should have bought your BIL something, however I do think that it is your husband's responsibility to buy his family presents. Having said this, my husband's family would not get anything from him were it not for my prompting. This is because he just is not bothered about receiving presents himself; perhaps your husband is similar?

lazer

rainbowfairydust wrote: »

Same for my mum as well. I imagine she would also go out & buy something for him on my behalf & tell me i owed her X amount.

I have a suspicion that my mum gave my brother the money for my Christmas presents!

purpleshoes_2

Re the posting history, the op has a link to her blog on her account, she's posted about aspects of her family life for any internet user to read. If someone's posts have a high percentage about money and how much they are saving, then to be asked why they can't afford more than a measly re gifted choc orange isn't bullying as far as I'm concerned.

There have been far more threads on the forum stronger than this one and I dont think it helps time after time people popping up to chastise other posters.

Personally, I think the op and her husband probably have a problem with spending money on anything apart from bills or saving it.

Its not a good sign. Who wants to be known as the tight wad who regifted a short dated choc orange? I'd be mortified. The fact that the op has to ask if this wasn't good form!!!!!

Gigglepig

Oh dear. It sounds like OP's family has done a lot for OP/OH and that perhaps OP/OH are a bit childish or self centred, and don't think through what they can do for others in return.