Brother in Law is Upset with Us

Rev

Your BIL should be grateful you got him a gift. If you had of, you didn't. You re-gifted a chocolate orange.

I think you're both wrong tbh. Your BIL for not being whiney and you thinking it's okay to give someone a second hand chocolate orange for their 30th birthday.


Now I type it. I'd say you were more in the wrong. I'd also me miffed if someone gave me a short date second hand chocolate orange for my birthday.


As with every gift it's the thought that counts. And clearly you put zero thought into the 'gift'. So no, he's not being unreasonable.


Seriously. Did you honestly really give your BIL a second hand chocolate orange for his 30th birthday? You're not winding is up?

Birdy12

Having just read all the previous posts I would just like thank the OP for the thread and all the posters for their subsequent comments, it's the best laugh I've had in ages!

OP, please let us know when it's MiL's birthday and what you're considering for a present, I always appreciate a good giggle!

Better_Days

Although not in the same league a few Christmas' ago my mother sent me a book with a 'buy one get one free' sticker on, and half a multi-pack of socks. My mother likes to think she is 'fair' so no doubt my sister got the other book and rest of the socks. But as my sister is more favoured it wont have been all she got

OP if you come back this it is not the money but the lack of thought - gifts of this nature are in effect saying I don't care about you.

Domayne

I'd have been thrilled with a terrys chocolate egg tbh....who doesn't like chocolate???
My sister got me nothing for my 30th...I can't even remember if she even said happy birthday or not and....I could care less? we're pretty close but she has just bought a house, has a two year old and another on the way - I'd rather she spend her money on my neice and new niece/nephew than waste on me.
I bought myself a lovely long weekend in Iceland, a kindle and a digital camera!
People should just buy their own presents then they will never be disappointed! ^_^

1stBusiness

A. Second hand. Chocolate. Orange.

Seriously?

I get that you don't give to recieve/it's the thought that counts etc...but clearly no thought was put into re-gifting a chocolate orange! As a stocking filler or last minute present maybe, but not for your brother/BIL's 30th birthday! :shocked:

For my BIL's 30th a couple of years ago we just went to his place for dinner and we got him a card/I made him a birthday cake. It probably cost less than £10.

I know what mum's/MIL's can be like, you make an innocuous comment and they take it upon themselves to try and sort it out, turning it into a bigger issue than it is! But I would definately be upset if my family produced a left over chocolate orange on a significant birthday.

duchy

Fredula wrote: »

Yeah, it could possibly be her way of saying that. Maybe it's something I've got to learn from. Hubby says he thinks BIL is overreacting, so he's not fussed about it. I worry about what I buy them though - not this Christmas just gone, but the Christmas before we'd spent about £20 on FIL and MIL and it didn't 'feel' like a lot, so I went out and spent over budget £30 extra to buy MIL a bird table (which was actually so much fun to wrap up!). Just sometimes, you can try, and it still not be good enough, so sometimes it does feel a bit like 'why bother'.

So a "normal" gift within the family is £20 to £30 and for a special birthday you gave him a gift that he knows cost nothing.

Looking at it from your OH's family's perspective-They have bent over backwards to help you-Rather than telling you you'd just have to rent privately and save for longer to buy a house when you got yourselves pregnant they let you move in, they didn't ask you to contribute to bills and they gave you a substantial cash gift.
Even now you have the house - you continue to live rent free and still don't contribute to the household in ANY way .....oh and they also look after your son for you for free (and I assume have also had to delay their own retirement moving plans to do so)

They appear to have bent over backwards to be generous to you......and you couldn't be bothered buying your child's uncle a bottle of his favourite tipple as a birthday present but insulted him with a second hand gift that cost you nothing. They probably feel you are the most selfish people and that all their efforts to help you aren't appreciated at all.

"It's the thought that counts" really does apply in this case - His Mum is probably thinking "Well this is what they think of my family"

I'd suggest you go buy brother a really NICE present and apologise.......and it wouldn't hurt to take him and your in laws out to dinner at your expense too -to show that you DO really appreciate them all !! You may be thinking "Why bother......but not as much as your MIL is thinking it at the moment !!!

tea_lover

The OP and her husband live with her parents. It's the BIL that lives with his family.

duchy

Fredula wrote: »

Ah, yes, maybe a bit too late. I've messaged him on facebook apologising and explained the reasoning behind it (and admitted it was regifted, but was hubby's idea to regift it).

It is difficult though, I don't really know BIL too well. If we ever go over their house, he'll come and sit at the table for dinner, then disappear up into his bedroom to play computer games. I don't really know much he's into. Perhaps I'll make it a new years resolution to try and be more thoughtful and get to know peoples likes / dislikes for instances like this!

Didn't you actually live in the same house as him for two years ???????

EDIT Oh no you don't ...... however the point is still valid that you have seen first hand how generous your family are - yet it doesn't transfer in any way to how generous you are to your OH's family.
If you had given YOUR brother a regifted chocolate orange as a significant gift.....what would your Mum have said about it ?


(I'm half expecting the reply to be that you are an only child however)

fairy_lights

Well after reading through all 8 pages of this thread I've got a massive craving for a chocolate orange. Luckily I've still for five, yes, FIVE of them left over from Christmas

tea_lover

fairy_lights wrote: »

Well after reading through all 8 pages of this thread I've got a massive craving for a chocolate orange. Luckily I've still for five, yes, FIVE of them left over from Christmas

It's my birthday next week... if any of them need rehoming