Brother in Law is Upset with Us

Jagraf

Cloudydaze wrote: »

I didn't get presents from either of my brothers for my 30th and we're all quite close.

I'm so glad I come from a family where we don't measure our love for each other by the value of the gifts we give.

I don't think anyone has said that.

Cloudydaze

Jagraf wrote: »

I don't think anyone has said that.

A lot of comments seem to imply that a thoughtful gift shows you care and a chocolate orange isn't accepatble.

fivetide

Cloudydaze wrote: »

A lot of comments seem to imply that a thoughtful gift shows you care and a chocolate orange isn't accepatble.

That is true but your previous comment specifically mentioned value...


A choc orange isn't acceptable because it shows no thought, especially a regifted one! Plus they are no longer Terry's of York and that's a real shame.


Anyway, good example from home here. As a stocking filler I got my dad a magnetic dish for holding bolts etc when taking things to bits. He has a couple of classic bikes he is always taking apart.


Cost me £2 and it was the present he was happiest with out of everything he got because the week prior (unknown to me) he'd lost a bolt in the garage when it rolled off his work table.


Value = unimportant. Thought process = everything.

purpleshoes_2

Cloudydaze wrote: »

I didn't get presents from either of my brothers for my 30th and we're all quite close.

I'm so glad I come from a family where we don't measure our love for each other by the value of the gifts we give.

I don't either, but the point is, in a situation where you give nothing or you give a short dated regifted choc orange, you'd be better giving nothing.

Person_one

BakerBoy wrote: »

I bought a chocolate orange in Poundland recently. I love a chocolate orange. Would be well miffed if it was all I'd got from my brother for my 30th though.

In my 20s me and my mates would take turns in hosting NYE, all chipping in toward the cost. When it was my turn, being in the wine trade and a keen cook, I bought a load of Champagne at cost and cooked some really lovely stuff. My girlfriend at the time begged me to invite one of her friends and OH as they had nowhere better to go, I reluctantly agreed. On the night I told everyone that it was £15 each. Friend's OH coughed up for himself but she said she would send me a chq. A week later she did, for £5, as the party 'wasn't worth £15'.

She never got invited back. Buy him something now, be nice, I'm sure he will be in return and it will all be forgotten.

To be fair, if you're charging people to come to your party, you should tell them the cost in advance!

BakerBoy

No need, made it very clear that we would split cost. She was happy with that (to my face)

purpleshoes_2

fivetide wrote: »

That is true but your previous comment specifically mentioned value...


A choc orange isn't acceptable because it shows no thought, especially a regifted one! Plus they are no longer Terry's of York and that's a real shame.


Anyway, good example from home here. As a stocking filler I got my dad a magnetic dish for holding bolts etc when taking things to bits. He has a couple of classic bikes he is always taking apart.


Cost me £2 and it was the present he was happiest with out of everything he got because the week prior (unknown to me) he'd lost a bolt in the garage when it rolled off his work table.


Value = unimportant. Thought process = everything.

That's it exactly. Ive bought charity shop gifts for people and mixed them up with other bits and pieces bought elsewhere when money has been tight but there's always been some thought put into the gift buying.

The choc orange that was gifted could have been a 2 for a quid offer or 3 for a quid, seriously, Id rather buy my brother diddly squat for his birthday than hand him over something that had a value of 33p-£1.

Something that I didn't even buy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jagraf

Cloudydaze wrote: »

A lot of comments seem to imply that a thoughtful gift shows you care and a chocolate orange isn't accepatble.

Thoughtful can cost a lot less than a chocolate orange.

purpleshoes_2

I remember going to a wedding and all the way through the speeches the groom was referred to as Davie deep pockets, because he was as tight as a ducks backside and legendary for it. He had money, plenty of it. We all have different attitudes to money, some people spend too much, other people can't seem to let go of it.

Its fine saving, but even in times when I have been really skint, for a friends birthday, I'd always try and spend something like £10, Id spend more on a family member, I give my brother something for his birthday every year, not significant ones, every year, but I plan for it. I have to because I don't earn a lot of money. Same with christmas.

He wouldn't care if I spent £5 on him or £50 on him, but if I did spend £5, I'd try and give him something that he liked and something that I had bought. I can also see in times where you might re gift something, but not a chocolate orange.

You can buy boxes of thorntons chocs in home bargains for 2.99, you can buy a photo frame in poundland or poundworld for a quid, you can buy the small bags of thorntons chocs in poundland or poundworld for a quid.

I can't see the justification for being so tight in this scenario, it really is a situation where the OP would have been better giving a nice card and leaving it at that.

Birdie85

BakerBoy wrote: »

In my 20s me and my mates would take turns in hosting NYE, all chipping in toward the cost. When it was my turn, being in the wine trade and a keen cook, I bought a load of Champagne at cost and cooked some really lovely stuff. My girlfriend at the time begged me to invite one of her friends and OH as they had nowhere better to go, I reluctantly agreed. On the night I told everyone that it was £15 each. Friend's OH coughed up for himself but she said she would send me a chq. A week later she did, for £5, as the party 'wasn't worth £15'.

She never got invited back.

Bl00dy hell, you charge people to come to your parties?! Jeez, even if she'd been invited back, I'm not sure she would have wanted to! We used to throw parties fairly regularly (pre-baby!) and would usually overspend on food and drink, but it never occurred to us to charge our friends to make up for the cost.

Two (now ex) friends tried charging us for a BBQ they held once, until we pointed out that we'd brought with us more than enough food and drink to cover ourselves and more and if we were figuring out who owed whom the most then technically they should have been paying us as we'd spent more than they had! It's an ongoing joke amongst our friendship group now about charging for parties and there's a reason the friends are now ex... they got phased out as people got fed up of the tightwads who would turn up to a big party with 2 bottles of beer then drink everyone else's!