Brother in Law is Upset with Us

Fredula

I'm just after a bit of advice really. It's nothing major, but I just wondered people's opinions.

A bit of background - hubby and I currently live with my parents - he moved in when I had a (unplanned, but well loved) little boy. My son is 3 years old this month. Since I was about 18 (now 25), I've been saving very hard to get on the property ladder, and since hubby moved in, we've been saving together. Just before Christmas we signed on the dotted line and now have a house of our own which is due to have all sorts of work done to it - currently being rewired, having a damp proof course carried out next week, having the roof's valley renewed, have a woodworm treatment done, and the whole house (except extension kitchen and bathroom) has to be re plastered. Clearly we have a lot of expenses going on at the moment.

So, my brother in law was 30 over Christmas and he's told MIL that he's really disappointed that for his 30th birthday, all we got him was a chocolate orange. She's tried explaining to him about the expenses buying a house comes with, but he's still got the hump with us.

I don't buy expensive presents for people. I never have. Growing up my family used to just spend £10 on eachother (if that!) and that was it. Personally, I don't see the point in buying expensive presents for people, or visa versa. I don't expect to get a present off of anyone, and me and my brother stopped buying Christmas presents/birthday presents for eachother about 2 years ago. The only reason I buy BIL one is because he lives with MIL and I feel guilty for not buying MIL and FIL a present so I buy them something and because he lives with them, I feel compelled to buy him something too.

So yes, he's got the hump, and I don't know whether to talk to him about it or just leave it. I don't want him to resent us, but if I talk to him, it might drop MIL in it because he spoke to her about it and now hubby and I both know. What would you guys do, would you say anything to try and explain? Or would you just leave it? Am I wrong? Should I have bought him something?

deedee71

Yes, IMHO, you were wrong and should have bought him something.

System

I think you were a bit mean. What did he buy you?

Tigsteroonie

So BIL is now 30 and still lives at home ... and he complained to his Mummy that his present wasn't good enough ...

Ignore it. He'll grow up one day.

warehouse

You should have bought nothing. Giving him a chocolate orange is an insult.

sulphate

No, you shouldn't buy him something more expensive, just because.

There is an expectation where I work that everyone should buy each other presents. The only people I buy birthday presents for are my husband, parents and in laws - not even my close friends and I exchange gifts anymore.

Christmas and birthdays have been turned into commercialised events rather than being about spending time with people you care about.

theoretica

Fredula wrote: »

So, my brother in law was 30 over Christmas and he's told MIL that he's really disappointed that for his 30th birthday, all we got him was a chocolate orange. ...
What would you guys do, would you say anything to try and explain? Or would you just leave it? Am I wrong? Should I have bought him something?

This is your husband's brother? Surely it is your husband's resonsibility that family expectations on that side are met and not yours unless you told him not to buy him a bigger present.

PasturesNew

I am the tightest tightwad on the planet, but bearing in mind he is "close family" - and it was his 30th, a chocolate orange is a bit of a s0ddin' insult.

It's not just about the value/cost, but also about the thought - and there's no thought that can justify one s0ddin' chocolate orange. None.

Even if you'd bought him a Brut set of aftershave off the market it'd have been better than a s0ddin' chocolate orange.

And I am a fan of chocolate oranges!

balletshoes

theoretica wrote: »

This is your husband's brother? Surely it is your husband's resonsibility that family expectations on that side are met and not yours unless you told him not to buy him a bigger present.

it does sound like its your OH's family who still do pressies to each other as adults? What did your BIL get you guys for significant birthdays? I think your OH should have intervened, knowing his family's traditions etc at christmas/birthdays etc.

And yep, personally I wouldn't have just bought a chocolate orange as the only gift i was going to get someone, you might as well not have bothered at all.

Fredula

In all honesty, we weren't going to get him anything. We had a card - but hubby decided that he would re-gift the chocolate orange my mum had bought him for Christmas. BIL complained that the date was very short too.

He usually gets hubby a book or something similar and gets me maltesers (which I'm well chuffed about because I love maltesers). But I don't expect to get anything. I understand that people can't afford much - he only works 4 hours per day so he doesn't have much money himself.

balletshoes

Fredula wrote: »

In all honesty, we weren't going to get him anything. We had a card - but hubby decided that he would re-gift the chocolate orange my mum had bought him for Christmas. BIL complained that the date was very short too.

He usually gets hubby a book or something similar and gets me maltesers (which I'm well chuffed about because I love maltesers). But I don't expect to get anything. I understand that people can't afford much - he only works 4 hours per day so he doesn't have much money himself.

in my opinion then, your OH needs to apologise to his brother.