Brother in Law is Upset with Us

purpleshoes_2

Birdie85 wrote: »

Bl00dy hell, you charge people to come to your parties?! Jeez, even if she'd been invited back, I'm not sure she would have wanted to! We used to throw parties fairly regularly (pre-baby!) and would usually overspend on food and drink, but it never occurred to us to charge our friends to make up for the cost.

Two (now ex) friends tried charging us for a BBQ they held once, until we pointed out that we'd brought with us more than enough food and drink to cover ourselves and more and if we were figuring out who owed whom the most then technically they should have been paying us as we'd spent more than they had! It's an ongoing joke amongst our friendship group now about charging for parties and there's a reason the friends are now ex... they got phased out as people got fed up of the tightwads who would turn up to a big party with 2 bottles of beer then drink everyone else's!

I know people who charge people to go to parties as well.

I don't go, Id rather stay in with a bottle of wine and cook a meal than pay over the odds for the tastes of someone else.

BakerBoy

That's nice.

When we were in our 20s we were skint, and taking turns at hosting NYE and splitting the cost worked for all of us.

Person_one

BakerBoy wrote: »

That's nice.

When we were in our 20s we were skint, and taking turns at hosting NYE and splitting the cost worked for all of us.

Except the couple it didn't work for who presumably weren't involved in the planning?

Nothing wrong with everyone chipping in for a party when you're a big group and you're all broke, but its better not to invite extra people to that sort of thing, and its really important that everybody's clear on exactly what's happening!

purpleshoes_2

A big party where everyone is skint, you'd be better asking people to bring something to the value of, otherwise you risk the scenario where people argue about someone else having a mouthful of champagne more than someone else and some extra pudding, or whatever people argue about when it comes to coughing up.

missprice

Cloudydaze wrote: »

I didn't get presents from either of my brothers for my 30th and we're all quite close.

I'm so glad I come from a family where we don't measure our love for each other by the value of the gifts we give.

That's is just a mean comment to all of us who have little money but thought goes into our gifts.
Now here's a little true tale for you to show that presents can cost next to nothing but be the best in the world.
At 18 years old, I was given a rose wrapped in tin foil, ever so pretty and i still have it in the attic, pressed.
Why is that so important! Because the lovely fella that gave it to me had no spare money and I had only met him few weeks previously. He didn't have to get me anything at all. But he went out if his way, the rose from his garden, the foil from his kitchen ( maybe works kitchen, not sure) :rotfl:
It cost nothing but his time and a 5p bit of foil, but I loved it.

BakerBoy

Everybody was clear, including the extra. Nobody but myself was involved in the planning, as we took it in turns to create the evening. That was clear also! No need to accept an invitation and then decide it wasn't good value if you know the score. She had enjoyed my hospitality gratis plenty times before.

candygirl

My mates Aunty, once wrapped one of those big purple Quality Streets, up for her Xmas prezzy:rotfl:I hate tight wads:D

jdvhsully

Perhaps, as it was his 30th, give a small gift every month. A friend had this given to her by her hubby for her 50th, granted one month it was a weekend away, but in other months it was a picnic in the countryside, a trip to the cinema, an afternoon tea, and the best one was he did the ironing for a whole month!!:j

MaffyD

Wow. Am I on Mumsnet's AIBU thread all of a sudden? Post-stalking, subjective bias, appeals to authority, ad hominem attacks. Lovely!

Anyway, a second-hand chocolate orange is not a very thoughtful present for a 30th birthday, but it's your husband who should be putting the thought in (presumably he knows your BIL better than you do).

Your BIL moaned to his mum, but that could just be a statement of incredulity rather than "Mum! Mum! I've only got this orange for my birthday! Tell 'em Mum!" I certainly would've remarked upon it if that's what I got for my 30th.

That he hasn't remarked upon it to you means he either doesn't feel it's worth bothering about (and therefore nor should you) or he's so angry about it he can't discuss it with you calmly (in which case you'll probably hear about it some other way, but keep an eye out for him suddenly going all 'EastEnders Shouty Match Flying Off The Handle' with you on an unrelated issue). In preparation for that, I suggest you remain very friendly to your MIL as that's the relationship that will help mediate...

Finally, the question isn't "Should I have bought him something?" but "Should my husband have done (not bought, DONE) something better to mark the 30th birthday of his brother?" The answer to that is likely to be "Yes".

jemb

If you had no money and all you could afford to do was re-gift a chocolate orange (really?) you should have made him sonething. I think he's a bit miffed at your lack of thought more than anything. Same as my Hubs was when his mate bought him a scratch card for his birthday.