Boyfriend disclosed he visited a prostitute in India one year before we got together

FBaby

Did you tell him how you feel? The bottom line is, did he tell you because he felt guitly about it, or did he just tell you with no shame?

I understand how you feel about finding out that your partner didn't question exploting a woman for sex (because for £1, that's all it is), and worrying that maybe you don't know him all that well after all, but at the same time, people do things out of character and that might very well have been the case, hence confessing to you because it is something that clearly has left him very uneasy about his behaviour. If that is the case, I would feel reassured and move on.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

So, he is saying it was your fault for not being there and making him feel lonely and bad about himself?

Had he been forcibly kidnapped and spirited off to the subcontinent? Did somebody force him to rummage in his pocket for some loose change and lock him in the hut until he'd performed?

Never mind the 'ethics' of prostitution (if it's done by choice, which I think it rarely is, I believe it's a woman/man's right to decide whether they want to charge for sex or not) - claiming you made him do it (and thereby implying that he'd do it again if you made him feel sad again by not doing what he wants) is mean, spiteful, controlling and abusive.



I think that is worthy of kicking to the kerb - plus getting a full screening for HIV, hep and everything else.

purpleshoes_2

Confused5 wrote: »

He told me when he were lying in bed one day (!!) and he was discussing how me missed me in India as I was busy and not really replying to his emails/phone calls when he was pursuing me for a LDR back then. He said he was feeling very isolated. He said he hardly saw the same people every day, missed human comfort and wanted to remember what it was like to be with a woman.

That makes it sounds like it was 50 years since he last had sex.
The reality is, he probably wanted a no strings attached shag and he's just trying to dress it up to make it sound less sordid than it was.

It's an odd discussion to have, particularly as you weren't together when he slept with her. It sounds like hes possibly looking for an out in the relationship, wants to leave and is creating some drama so you'll leave him.

TBeckett100

Wonder how their day is going.

PeacefulWaters

Based on this site, he's paid more than the going rate. So I'd park the exploitation concerns in the same way I'll buy clothing made in the third world.

While I've never used a prostitute and never expect to either, I'm not willing to judge those who do unless there's a knock on effect to their families. In this case it's something that happened before the relationship existed. So I don't really think it's a huge deal.

He's been honest. It's understandably raised a few questions and concerns. But I'd suggest you move on from it and don't punish his honesty for too long.

He's had previous sexual partners. Leave it at that.

Confused5

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

he's paid more than the going rate. So I'd park the exploitation concerns in the same way I'll buy clothing made in the third world.

While I've never used a prostitute and never expect to either, I'm not willing to judge those who do unless there's a knock on effect to their families. In this case it's something that happened before the relationship existed. So I don't really think it's a huge deal.

He's been honest. It's understandably raised a few questions and concerns. But I'd suggest you move on from it and don't punish his honesty for too long.

He's had previous sexual partners. Leave it at that.

That list is overall just depressing.. sex with children is priced.... urrgh

Confused5

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Wonder how their day is going.

I don't really celebrate Christmas.

PeacefulWaters

Confused5 wrote: »

That list is overall just depressing.. sex with children is priced.... urrgh

I don't disagree with you.

Not my usual browsing place!

patanne

Has he ever done something which has upset you? What did he do to put it right? Did he ever actually say "I AM SORRY"? Or did he buy you a present to say the sorry he was incapable of saying?

If he did really say sorry then the rest of this is irrelevant. I have had a friend since my teens (50 years now), and he used prostitutes in his early twenties. It always seems to me that it was an attitude of mind. He hasn't changed a bit in all those years but free sex is more readily available now. He still, when he offends one of his women, throws money at the problem. I have suggested time after time that all he needs to do is just apologise, but he just can't.

He is almost 70 now & in all those years has rarely managed to go more than 2 years without a woman on the side. Even now he is running 2 sexual "relationships". You need to be sure this isn't the life you are destined for, it isn't a healthy one, mentally as well as physically.

PeacefulWaters

patanne wrote: »

Has he ever done something which has upset you? What did he do to put it right? Did he ever actually say "I AM SORRY"? Or did he buy you a present to say the sorry he was incapable of saying?

If he did really say sorry then the rest of this is irrelevant. I have had a friend since my teens (50 years now), and he used prostitutes in his early twenties. It always seems to me that it was an attitude of mind. He hasn't changed a bit in all those years but free sex is more readily available now. He still, when he offends one of his women, throws money at the problem. I have suggested time after time that all he needs to do is just apologise, but he just can't.

He is almost 70 now & in all those years has rarely managed to go more than 2 years without a woman on the side. Even now he is running 2 sexual "relationships". You need to be sure this isn't the life you are destined for, it isn't a healthy one, mentally as well as physically.

I don't really equate why paying for sex as a single man makes him likely to cheat.