Boyfriend disclosed he visited a prostitute in India one year before we got together

Confused5

What do people think the ethics of this are? I find it disturbing that my boyfriend (while he was pursuing me for a LDR while he lived in India) visited a prostitute paying her less than £1 for her services. I questioned how he knew she was not trafficked into sex work and he said she was 28 and he 'knew it was of her free choice'. I don't understand how he knew.

I don't know what to think of him now. It changes how I think of his character... a Westerner going to India and sleeping with a poor woman for £1. I feel ashamed of him.

I love him but feel like I don't know him any more. Sorry if I am being indelicate, but has anyone else gone through something like this? Has your partner ever been to a prostitute in the third world (you can reply anonymously...)? I'd like some advice on how to get over it....

j.e.j.

If it's the £1 that's bothering you, I have heard that living costs are very cheap there. £1 to them is worth a lot more than £1 to us.

However, if you're more concerned about the sleaziness, or worried that that he might have picked up some disease then you'd be right. I don't really understand the paying for sex mentality, but that might be a man/woman thing.

19lottie82

A lot more men than you might think have slept with a prostitute. This was before you got together with your partner but if you can't handle it then maybe you should end it.
I'm not saying what he did was wrong or not (personally I think prostitution should be legal), but it's up to how you feel about the situation. No one can advise you about how you should feel about your partners actions pre your relationship.

Marktheshark

I would be more concerned what protection he used.

Tropez

Would you be thinking more or less of him if he'd gone to the Netherlands or Belgium and paid 50 euros? Or more/less of him if he'd gone to the Bunny Ranch in Nevada and paid a few hundred dollars to a few thousand dollars? Or more/less of him if he'd gone to a certain well-known "adult services" website and paid £75 to £150 for an escort in the UK?

Which part of the ethics debate upsets you the most? That he paid for sex with a woman, or that he paid such a low amount?

Tropez

j.e.j. wrote: »

If it's the £1 that's bothering you, I have heard that living costs are very cheap there. £1 to them is worth a lot more than £1 to us.

Well to be fair, while the cost of living is indeed much cheaper in India than the UK, £1 is still a very low amount for this type of transaction.

If indeed someone paid an Indian prostitute £1 for sex, that woman has effectively sold her body for less than a pack of Marlboro cigarettes.

http://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare_countries_result.jsp?country1=United+Kingdom&country2=India

Confused5

Tropez wrote: »

Would you be thinking more or less of him if he'd gone to the Netherlands or Belgium and paid 50 euros? Or more/less of him if he'd gone to the Bunny Ranch in Nevada and paid a few hundred dollars to a few thousand dollars? Or more/less of him if he'd gone to a certain well-known "adult services" website and paid £75 to £150 for an escort in the UK?

Which part of the ethics debate upsets you the most? That he paid for sex with a woman, or that he paid such a low amount?

I worry that the woman was trafficked into the sex trade and that she had to service many men that night in exchange for the cost of a UK chocolate bar. It might have been a typical income for her, but for him it was really nothing. He lost nothing and she potentially lost very much (status, exposing herself to risks), if she had no other options to earn money!

The fact that he didn't think about these things/care about them makes me feel physically sick and very angry.

Tropez

Confused5 wrote: »

I worry that the woman was trafficked into the sex trade and that she had to service many men that night in exchange for the cost of a UK chocolate bar. It might have been a typical income for her, but for him it was really nothing. He lost nothing and she potentially lost very much (status, exposing herself to risks), if she had no other options to earn money!

The fact that he didn't think about these things/care about them makes me feel physically sick and very angry.

So, if I'm getting this right, your issue with him is not necessarily that he has paid for sex (although I would assume that in itself is a problem for you) but that you have (quite legitimate) concerns about the welfare of the person whom he paid and whether she was subject to exploitation?

Perfectly understandable reaction on your part, in my opinion.

geri1965_2

I don't think I could go out with a man who had paid for sex unless it had really changed him and he deeply regretted it and I could be sure he meant it.

Women are not commodities to be bought and sold :mad:

My views on this are quite extreme and I regard men who use prostitutes as little better than rapists.

Tropez

geri1965 wrote: »

My views on this are quite extreme and I regard men who use prostitutes as little better than rapists.

No kidding about extreme.

j.e.j.

geri1965 wrote: »

My views on this are quite extreme and I regard men who use prostitutes as little better than rapists.

That IS quite extreme. The sex was consensual.