Boyfriend disclosed he visited a prostitute in India one year before we got together

Confused5

suicidebob wrote: »

I'm not sure why you're only concerned with the prostitute. If he lived in India then he took advantage of possibly 1000s of people trapped in a life of poverty and oppression, with very little in the way of human rights.

Did he live in India because it was cheap?

Yes, he lived very cheaply there.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

marleyboy wrote: »

Anything my Wife did prior to me meeting her is really none of my business, that includes the men she may or may not have slept with, the guy she had a crush on at school or whether or not she practised safe sex.

I would like to think the same applies vice versa, I used to steal sweets when I was younger, that does not mean I cannot be trusted as a result.

When we met, we fell in love with the people we were at the time, not what we did before we even knew each other existed.

Were my Oh even slightly perturbed about what I got upto before we even met one another, it would be a case of separation and divorce, where she could spend the rest of her life concerning herself with who else I choose to meet from that moment on.

History is dead, what you do in the present determines what you will be in the future.

Should I find out my wife was a prostitute in her youth, am I to then think of her no longer as the love of my life, but as Ms Yo-Yo Knickers and dump her as a result?

What if the history included being abusive or neglectful of a vulnerable person or child? And it was reported in a way that meant it was clear they thought nothing of it, because they'd been 'made to do it' by you not agreeing to commit to them, possibly implying that the same could happen again if you didnt make them feel special at some point in the future?


I agree that it's not my concern what a partner has done with previous consenting adult & equal partners - but if they've been abusive, taken risks with their sexual health or suchlike, mainlined class A drugs, screwed a 14 year old when they were 30, etc, then it is most definitely my business. And if whatever they have done has been painted as my fault because I hadn't done what they wanted? Absolutely, it's my business, so I know to get out now.



An ex only mentioned he'd previously used heroin intravenously once he had symptoms consistent with hepatitis C and the doctor asked him outright.

He was absolutely cold about the fact that we'd been together for seven years at that point and he'd had symptoms before, but decided not to do anything about it - had never taken an HIV test either. He could literally have killed me by passing something on. Fortunately, it was only cirrhosis, so the only person dying of it is going to be him.


That was my business because it affected my safety - and that of anybody who received the units of blood I donated over the years before. Doesn't matter that it was before I met him - he didn't value the life of any future partners enough to ensure they were safe, either by being honest or by insisting on barrier methods. That's not the sort of person it is worth having in your life any longer than it takes to find out.

DaveTheMus

suicidebob wrote: »

I'm not sure why you're only concerned with the prostitute. If he lived in India then he took advantage of possibly 1000s of people trapped in a life of poverty and oppression, with very little in the way of human rights.

Did he live in India because it was cheap?

Double standards...

I'm sure the OP at some point in the last year has purchased something or made use of something that has been produced by exploited men and women in sweatshops, even children in some cases I'm sure.

There are many everyday items that are produced in the most appaling conditions, so bad that the workers routinely kill themselves...

NiftyDigits

Confused5 wrote: »

What do people think the ethics of this are? I find it disturbing that my boyfriend (while he was pursuing me for a LDR while he lived in India) visited a prostitute paying her less than £1 for her services. I questioned how he knew she was not trafficked into sex work and he said she was 28 and he 'knew it was of her free choice'. I don't understand how he knew.

I don't know what to think of him now. It changes how I think of his character... a Westerner going to India and sleeping with a poor woman for £1. I feel ashamed of him.

I love him but feel like I don't know him any more. Sorry if I am being indelicate, but has anyone else gone through something like this? Has your partner ever been to a prostitute in the third world (you can reply anonymously...)? I'd like some advice on how to get over it....

Pathetic. get over it. The mere fact that he told you, should tell you more about his character than the fact that he opted for cheap and meaningless sex before you two got hitched.
He clearly never means to do such a thing again now that he has a quality commitment. I'm sure he felt dirty afterwards, as many would.
Grow up and get over it.
If you ruin your relationship over it, you will only have yourself to blame. It's done. You have your present and your future to create new memories.

Confused5

DaveTheMus wrote: »

Double standards...

I'm sure the OP at some point in the last year has purchased something or made use of something that has been produced by exploited men and women in sweatshops, even children in some cases I'm sure.

There are many everyday items that are produced in the most appaling conditions, so bad that the workers routinely kill themselves...

Well it's not that binary because otherwise you could argue that me taking a slave to build an ipad in front of me is equal to me buying one from a shop. Are they equal for you?

robotrobo

Confused5 wrote: »

Not an angel... but this is upsetting... don't you feel empathy for these women...??

"In India, interviews with 33 female prostitutes in Domjur, Howrah District, West Bengal, were conducted to understand the processes by which women become prostitutes.

-- Of them, 84.8% were Hindus, 72.7% of whom were from lower castes.

-- Thirty-one prostitutes were illiterate. The prostitutes tended to have most recently worked as domestic workers, casual laborers or farm labourers.

-- The main reason for leaving their last occupation was obligation to provide sex services.

-- Twenty-one of them were married. More than 50%, who had been married before the age of 18, became prostitutes before 25 and were older than 30.

-- Sixty-six percent did not engage in illicit sex before becoming prostitutes.

-- About 20% had been prostitutes for more than 15 years.

-- Most prostitutes earned about Rs. 1000 (approx £10) per month.

-- Sixty-six percent had a maximum number of five clients/day. Three prostitutes had as many as seven to eight clients/day.

Life events and their reactions that led them to become prostitutes belonged to two categories: (1) women who were either widowed (17 women) or abused by husband and in-laws (4 women), leaving them with no social or economic support and (2) women who chose prostitution as an easy means to support themselves (9 women) or because they had sexual urges or were curious (3 women)."

its out of my hands what other people have to do in other countrys , i was only replying to the immediate concerns for this courting couples problems now.

Confused5

robotrobo wrote: »

its out of my hands what other people have to do in other countrys , i was only replying to the immediate concerns for this courting couples problems now.

So, lack of control = lack of empathy?

DaveTheMus

Confused5 wrote: »

Well it's not that binary because otherwise you could argue that me taking a slave to build an ipad in front of me is equal to me buying one from a shop. Are they equal for you?

I've never purchased anything Apple because they are a disgusting company.

However I have purchased things that have been made in a sweatshop so I do have to bear responsibility for the terrible conditions these poor people suffer.

What I don't do is think that when I benefit from explotation it's ok but someone else benefits from it, it's bad...that would make me a hypocrite...

Confused5

DaveTheMus wrote: »

I've never purchased anything Apple because they are a disgusting company.

However I have purchased things that have been made in a sweatshop so I do have to bear responsibility for the terrible conditions these poor people suffer.

What I don't do is think that when I benefit from explotation it's ok but someone else benefits from it, it's bad...that would make me a hypocrite...

I don't own one single Apple product, I used that as a generic example of electrical equipment.

But you don't think there are degrees of wrongdoing? Like I said, if you took a slave and forced him to sew clothes for you in your house - you think this is equal to buying these clothes from a shop at a distance? I would understand you putting it to the back of your mind in the latter instance (Not right, but the distance would make it so much more psychologically understandable), but if the person were in front of you and you sanctioned it, I would wonder how you could go through with it.

robotrobo

Confused5 wrote: »

So, lack of control = lack of empathy?

i think it was your boyfriend that had the lack of control!.

i also think you are a wined up.

but i like your style

good luck & suck em all in.