Boyfriend disclosed he visited a prostitute in India one year before we got together

Confused5

robotrobo wrote: »

is it double bubble on xmas day?.:)

I don't know what you mean. I don't celebrate Christmas.

patanne

Frankly I think the lack of emotion over it says it all. He has told you for a reason, obviously not out of guilt, so you need to figure out why. That answer will tell you what your response should be. You really need to decide what YOUR feelings are about this & not what ours are & then proceed with the rest of your life, whether that is with or without him - only you can make that decision.

Good luck for the future with whatever you decide to do.

DaveTheMus

It's none of your business what she did before you got together...the things she experienced helped shape her in to the woman you love and if you can't see that then you don't deserve her

This is what the feminists of MSE would be saying if a man posted a question that cast aspersions on his wifes lifestyle before the got together...

But MSE is the place where double standards are the norm so a woman will never be given short shrift for casting aspersions on a mans lifestyle before they got together.

robotrobo

Confused5 wrote: »

What do people think the ethics of this are? I find it disturbing that my boyfriend (while he was pursuing me for a LDR while he lived in India) visited a prostitute paying her less than £1 for her services. I questioned how he knew she was not trafficked into sex work and he said she was 28 and he 'knew it was of her free choice'. I don't understand how he knew.

I don't know what to think of him now. It changes how I think of his character... a Westerner going to India and sleeping with a poor woman for £1. I feel ashamed of him.

I love him but feel like I don't know him any more. Sorry if I am being indelicate, but has anyone else gone through something like this? Has your partner ever been to a prostitute in the third



world (you can reply anonymously...)? I'd like some advice on how to get over it....

look all this happened before he got with you!, i cannot understand why he wanted to boast about this to you anyway , unless hes a bit thick.
best to dump him if you cannot live with this constant reminder, i just hope the next boyfriend is a angel !,

Confused5

robotrobo wrote: »

look all this happened before he got with you!, i cannot understand why he wanted to boast about this to you anyway , unless hes a bit thick.
best to dump him if you cannot live with this constant reminder, i just hope the next boyfriend is a angel !,

Not an angel... but this is upsetting... don't you feel empathy for these women...??

"In India, interviews with 33 female prostitutes in Domjur, Howrah District, West Bengal, were conducted to understand the processes by which women become prostitutes.

-- Of them, 84.8% were Hindus, 72.7% of whom were from lower castes.

-- Thirty-one prostitutes were illiterate. The prostitutes tended to have most recently worked as domestic workers, casual laborers or farm labourers.

-- The main reason for leaving their last occupation was obligation to provide sex services.

-- Twenty-one of them were married. More than 50%, who had been married before the age of 18, became prostitutes before 25 and were older than 30.

-- Sixty-six percent did not engage in illicit sex before becoming prostitutes.

-- About 20% had been prostitutes for more than 15 years.

-- Most prostitutes earned about Rs. 1000 (approx £10) per month.

-- Sixty-six percent had a maximum number of five clients/day. Three prostitutes had as many as seven to eight clients/day.

Life events and their reactions that led them to become prostitutes belonged to two categories: (1) women who were either widowed (17 women) or abused by husband and in-laws (4 women), leaving them with no social or economic support and (2) women who chose prostitution as an easy means to support themselves (9 women) or because they had sexual urges or were curious (3 women)."

Mojisola

DaveTheMus wrote: »

This is what the feminists of MSE would be saying if a man posted a question that cast aspersions on his wifes lifestyle before the got together...

But MSE is the place where double standards are the norm so a woman will never be given short shrift for casting aspersions on a mans lifestyle before they got together.

Is it having sex with a prostitute that's bothering the OP or her OH's attitude towards it?

The act is in the past - his attitude is in the here and now.

Confused5

Mojisola wrote: »

Is it having sex with a prostitute that's bothering the OP or her OH's attitude towards it?

The act is in the past - his attitude is in the here and now.

His attitude then and now. He doesn't think about the possibility for sexual coercion.

purpleshoes_2

Confused5 wrote: »

His attitude then and now. He doesn't think about the possibility for sexual coercion.

But that's his right. He doesn't have to.

Unless you make people confess anything they've done in the past that you don't agree with on date one you risk this kind of scenario.

Ask him why he told you now.

dandelionclock30

Well he doesnt sound like a very nice kind man to put it politely. Maybe he doesnt want to think about that more likely.
If your not happy, take some time off from him and think about it.

suicidebob

Confused5 wrote: »

His attitude then and now. He doesn't think about the possibility for sexual coercion.

I'm not sure why you're only concerned with the prostitute. If he lived in India then he took advantage of possibly 1000s of people trapped in a life of poverty and oppression, with very little in the way of human rights.

Did he live in India because it was cheap?