My OH is in hospital in intensive care

balletshoes

I have nothing to add to whats already been suggested victory, I would have done exactly the same as you, I would have had no idea what to do/say/sort out so soon after a car crash involving one of my loved ones.

Just know I'm thinking of you and your boys xx.

harrys_nan

How are you now?
Please don't think you are letting him down, you are not!!!! Everyone reacts differently to any situation . You are doing all the right things by him and your family, I know it must be very hard hard for you right now, your not super woman and you still need to look after yourself as well. When the in laws come let them sit with hubby and you try and put your feet up and have 40 winks. You also have to recharge your batteries.
Sending positive thoughts and ((((hugs))))

peachyprice

Oh, Victory, I'm so sorry to hear your awful news.

But you know what, I believe 100% that you can cope with this. Once the shock and panic is over I know you will fall into practical mode, it's the way you are, so just believe in yourself and it will come.

When you visit him today just talk to him as you normally would, about the things you normally would on a Sunday morning, hearing your voice will keep him calm and will help him no end.

As for your youngest, let his Nan deal with him, you know she will be the best person for him in this situation, it will make her feel as if she is doing something useful and will be good for your son.

Remember, you don't need to be everything for everyone, share the load, that's what family are for at times like this.

peachyprice

victory wrote: »

Got lip balm, his lips looked very dry yesterday, lip balm perfect thank you

If his mouth is very dry ask the nurses for some mouth sponges, they're little sponges on stick that you dip in water to bathe the mouth and keep it moist.

torbrex

Can I also suggest thet you take a notebook of some kind with you everytime that you visit (and a pen).
There is always so much going on that you might forget some things that are said, particularly by any consultant that you talk with, it is also handy to keep a note of what you have already taken in and anything the nurses suggest that he might need.

gettingtheresometime

Victory

I really don't know what to say but just hang on in there.

When I worked in a hospital I was always told that hearing was the last sense to go when someone was having a general anesthetic but the first sense to come back so chances are your Hubby can hear what is being said to him hence why so many people have said that if your son is getting upset then perhaps visiting is not a good idea.

As for practical things, carry a notepad & pen with you and if you think of a question to ask the doctors write it down - and then refer to it when you speak to them.

Also you can perhaps you this to write a do to list as well so if anyone asks you if there's anything they can do you can hand them a list.

As for school, I'm in two minds....part of me thinks he'd be better of in school - perhaps he could talk to a school counsellor as I'm sure he has questions but doesn't feel he can ask you ?

Take care

victory

harrys_nan wrote: »

How are you now?
Please don't think you are letting him down, you are not!!!! Everyone reacts differently to any situation . You are doing all the right things by him and your family, I know it must be very hard hard for you right now, your not super woman and you still need to look after yourself as well. When the in laws come let them sit with hubby and you try and put your feet up and have 40 winks. You also have to recharge your batteries.
Sending positive thoughts and ((((hugs))))

They just text they are 90 mins away now, youngest just loitering around, he usually plays on xbox so said to do that, could do with sleep but keep expecting the phone to ring, got a bag ready for him, practical stuff, youngest talking about school tomorrow, eldest says he can't cope seeing his dad again, nan is soft and warm and very caring and loving, she is bar far the best person to deal with youngest, everyone is struggling

Errata

So sorry to hear your shocking news and wishing your OH well.
I have a very practical head, and my advice is to take nothing in for him at this stage. He has tubes, wires, catheters and all sorts attached to him just at the moment. The nurses will monitor and constantly check everything, feet, mouth, lips etc. so no need right now for socks, lip balm, pj's etc. Mouth sponges should be left to the nursing team, they know what they're doing.
Torbrex's suggestion of a notebook is an excellent one, it's difficult to remember everything that's being said and sometimes some things go in one ear and out of the other.
Might be useful to have a 'home' notebook as well as the 'hospital' one.
HTH and best wishes to you

victory

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Victory

I really don't know what to say but just hang on in there.

When I worked in a hospital I was always told that hearing was the last sense to go when someone was having a general anesthetic but the first sense to come back so chances are your Hubby can hear what is being said to him hence why so many people have said that if your son is getting upset then perhaps visiting is not a good idea.

As for practical things, carry a notepad & pen with you and if you think of a question to ask the doctors write it down - and then refer to it when you speak to them.

Also you can perhaps you this to write a do to list as well so if anyone asks you if there's anything they can do you can hand them a list.

As for school, I'm in two minds....part of me thinks he'd be better of in school - perhaps he could talk to a school counsellor as I'm sure he has questions but doesn't feel he can ask you ?

Take care

I don't know about school, he is a very good lad and wants to attend as he knows it is the law but also wants to be with his dad but doesn't want to see his dad like that as last night he lost it completely but I asked him and he said that he chose to come so he will decide or his nan,that is tomorrow, I have no idea what will happen by then.

Both boys upstairs chatting now, giving each other comfort that is nice to know, he has asked to go in his nans car, he just wants to keep moving, he keeps coming to the side of the living room door having a look and going off, he has had a shower, dressed and waiting for his nan and the trip to the hospital, if it all gets too much again he will sit in the relatives room

victory

Errata wrote: »

So sorry to hear your shocking news and wishing your OH well.
I have a very practical head, and my advice is to take nothing in for him at this stage. He has tubes, wires, catheters and all sorts attached to him just at the moment. The nurses will monitor and constantly check everything, feet, mouth, lips etc. so no need right now for socks, lip balm, pj's etc. Mouth sponges should be left to the nursing team, they know what they're doing.
Torbrex's suggestion of a notebook is an excellent one, it's difficult to remember everything that's being said and sometimes some things go in one ear and out of the other.
Might be useful to have a 'home' notebook as well as the 'hospital' one.
HTH and best wishes to you

Thank you, inlaws stuck in traffic, road accident, hoping to get moving soon, taking a bag but if it is not needed will just leave it in the car, probably won't take it in to begin with, nan in a bad state saying my OH is her first born, no matter how old they are, she has been praying, OH was told they are coming but not sure he understood,