My OH is in hospital in intensive care

Mrshaworth2b

If your children want to be there near there dad, let them go and be with you but sit in the relatives room until they feel adjusted with the situation. I was 14 when my mum was in intensive care and I went and cried by her bedside for the first day and then after that I was used to the wires enough to be present. I also wrote my mum a letter every night, just detailing the mundane stuff but also to get out my feelings. Would your son do this? As a helping mechanism? Just an idea.

Just wanted to say, it's really upsetting seeing a parent hurt especially in a serious way. Of course your children are going to struggle, they are children. I wouldn't personally banish them if they cry by his bedside, I would take the time to explain things and plan for the future give them something to look forward to, let them be helpful for you in any way possible

victory

Mrshaworth2b wrote: »

If your children want to be there near there dad, let them go and be with you but sit in the relatives room until they feel adjusted with the situation. I was 14 when my mum was in intensive care and I went and cried by her bedside for the first day and then after that I was used to the wires enough to be present. I also wrote my mum a letter every night, just detailing the mundane stuff but also to get out my feelings. Would your son do this? As a helping mechanism? Just an idea.

Just wanted to say, it's really upsetting seeing a parent hurt especially in a serious way. Of course your children are going to struggle, they are children. I wouldn't personally banish them if they cry by his bedside, I would take the time to explain things and plan for the future give them something to look forward to, let them be helpful for you in any way possible

My OH mum is fantastic with youngest, she will see to him she said, they have a very bond, she can calm him, she has great powers over him, he likes being around her, they paint together or do drawings or interact one to one and he loves her, she will get out of him what he wants to do, I can do all that but she gets more out of him because she is his nan and they share secrets and then nan tells me, he wants to come, he can come, if needs be he will go to the relatives room but I won't be sending him to school today

Gigervamp

Nothing to add to the excellent advice already given, but just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and wishing your husband all the best. x

victory

showers free I am going for a shower, get some of his stuff ready, tidy the house a bit, get talking to the kids, get breakfast, wait for the in laws, they are going to be here in 4 hours

snapping_crocodile

Really sorry to hear you're going through this Victory. No one is supposed to 'know' how to deal with this situation as no one ever expects to be in this situation. I'm glad your in-laws are coming to support you, your children and your OH. Don't think you need to be Superwoman and do it all yourself, take any support that comes your way. I wouldn't worry about pyjamas and toothbrushes or anything at the moment, there's plenty of time for that. All your OH needs at the moment is to hear familiar voices, for everyone to go in at visiting time and talk to him. Take care of yourself x *hugs*

Brighton_belle

Oh Victory! I m so sorry to hear this.
Just take one day at a time - Your DH doesn't need anything in hospital at the mo - not pj's or toothbrush. The staff will tell you if there is anything you need to bring in. And don't even think about planning xmas - worry about that in a week's time when you will know better how things are going to be.
You've said yourself your youngest's nan will help him, so that's another problem sorted.
And finally, you are not in any way letting your DH down! This is all a traumatic shock - you were there at his bedside, that's all you can do for him at the moment. And you did the sensible thing - came here and asked for help.

victory

snapping_crocodile wrote: »

Really sorry to hear you're going through this Victory. No one is supposed to 'know' how to deal with this situation as no one ever expects to be in this situation. I'm glad your in-laws are coming to support you, your children and your OH. Don't think you need to be Superwoman and do it all yourself, take any support that comes your way. I wouldn't worry about pyjamas and toothbrushes or anything at the moment, there's plenty of time for that. All your OH needs at the moment is to hear familiar voices, for everyone to go in at visiting time and talk to him. Take care of yourself x *hugs*

Just spoke to the hospital, they are monitoring his internal bleeding, he is in a lot of pain, he has been stable but critical over night

victory

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Oh Victory! I m so sorry to hear this.
Just take one day at a time - Your DH doesn't need anything in hospital at the mo - not pj's or toothbrush. The staff will tell you if there is anything you need to bring in. And don't even think about planning xmas - worry about that in a week's time when you will know better how things are going to be.
You've said yourself your youngest's nan will help him, so that's another problem sorted.
And finally, you are not in any way letting your DH down! This is all a traumatic shock - you were there at his bedside, that's all you can do for him at the moment. And you did the sensible thing - came here and asked for help.

Thank you, you have always been very kind to me and I do appreciate it very much, the inlaws have rang they have just stopped for a drink and a leg stretch and will be carrying on, the hospital says he is critical but stable

RuthnJasper

victory wrote: »

Thank you, you have always been very kind to me and I do appreciate it very much, the inlaws have rang they have just stopped for a drink and a leg stretch and will be carrying on, the hospital says he is critical but stable

Oh sweetheart, I am so, so sorry. Excellent advice in abundance already, all I can add really is to take every moment as it comes, try not to second-guess what might or might not happen, and remember to look after yourself.

You and your family are all in shock, that's only to be expected and it makes it hard to think straight; I cannot imagine how wretched it is for you - I wish there was something I could say to take all this away and make it better for you.

Your OH is in the best place, he is getting the care that he needs. Maybe let your parents/in-laws take over for a bit when they arrive and try and have a nap? As far as your sons go, just hold them and tell them you love them.

Do use opportunities to talk to your OH, even if he seems out of it. Even if it's just simply reading the sports reports from the newspaper aloud to him.

Sending you every good wish and lots of hugs. Our hearts are with you and hoping for the best.

Take care, and I hope things will be OK. xxx

jobbingmusician

victory, one thing to tell you is that you are doing brilliantly. You have done the perfect thing - analysed the situation, realised that you don't know what to do, come to a forum to ask advice, and ended up with a useful list of advice. Of COURSE you feel upset and all over the place, but you have come up with a strategy. DH will be proud of you. Well done you, and all the best for the next few days while DH's situation hopefully stablilises further and he starts to recover. Keep using the board - there are sensible people on here with good advice - it's easier for us to think things through than it is for you at the moment. Hugs. (((())))

PS RuthnJasper have made a good point. Remember that DH may seem to be unconscious, but hearing is the first sense to come back. Keep talking to DH and reassuring him that he is getting better, and you are there for him.