My OH is in hospital in intensive care

torbrex

Sorry to hear about your husband

He has a whole bank of nurses and doctors looking after him, I know that you feel you need to do something but really you have very little that you can do.
You need to focus on yourself for a while, it sounds like you are fretting about the arrival of his parents so try to focus on getting ready for them, get youself showered and dressed and be prepared for more tears.
Have you enough food for them? Do they have a place to stay?

victory

k66yla wrote: »

Please talk to him, he'll know you are there. I knew my dad could hear me as his pulse seemed to change when I spoke to him. It is good that he has constant monitoring. CCU's normally have 1 nurse per patient, so he is in the best hands.

We did try but there was so much going on, so many tests and forms to fill out, consent forms for operations, iternal bleeding, we were put in the relatives room for 2 hours, then called back, ten minutes later told to leave again, then told to leave and come back at 2pm

victory

torbrex wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your husband

He has a whole bank of nurses and doctors looking after him, I know that you feel you need to do something but really you have very little that you can do.
You need to focus on yourself for a while, it sounds like you are fretting about the arrival of his parents so try to focus on getting ready for them, get youself showered and dressed and be prepared for more tears.
Have you enough food for them? Do they have a place to stay?

As soon as they get here we will be going to the hospital, it is an hour away in the critical care, they can have my bed

seven-day-weekend

Spider_In_The_Bath wrote: »

Hi,

I am so sorry to hear.

Pick the phone up and call a friend. Do it now, wake them up if need be. Ask them to help. They can sort clothes, toothbrush etc. do not try and do this yourself. Get them to phone around, feed the dog, collect items whatever needs doing. Phone someone who can do this without being too over emotional. You need comforting at the moment, but also someone who can just get on with things in the background.

The very best of wishes,
Spider.

Absolutely agree with this. Do it now. Try to get something to eat and sleep yourself. Ditto with your son. You both need to be rested and relatively calm (at least outwardly) when you see your husband.

Thinking of you all today.

arbrighton

If he's all wired up, internal bleeding, surgery etc, he won't need pjs surely?
Your son won't be calm unless you are and it would be very traumatic for him to see his dad like that- perhaps he shouldn't visit again for a day or two? How old is he? Would distraction of some sort work with him? And just because eldest seems calm, he's probably just as much of a mess, keep an eye on him

GwylimT

victory wrote: »

Oh yes of course his pjs he likes his pjs should have thought of that, I will take them , his mum and dad are travelling down right now, we are allowed in at 2pm,no not called his employer my son can do that on monday they work near each other, how do I keep my youngest calm? I have never seen him in such a state, everyone around me has gone hysterical and now his parents are coming

This will sound heartless but everyone needs to calm down and get a grip. Being hysterical won't help anyone and it will scare your children. If people are upsetting your son they need to leave until they have calmed down themselves.

Your son needs to know exactly what all the tubes are, it is far less scary when you know why they are there. By being hysterical as a child he is being essentially told to act the same way himself. If you appear calm, he will calm down, that doesn't mean you can't show that you are upset and worried.

I know it's hard but as much as you can make sure you maintain your children's routine, if they are at school school need to know what is going on with dad as they are bound to get upset/be withdrawn, you can then also arrange for no homework until you have the time and energy to help them with it.

If you need any food etc, write a list and get someone to order it online.

Now, if you celebrate Christmas you need to carry this on for your children, if dad is still in hospital they need to have their normal Christmas Day and then visit dad to celebrate with him if he is still in hospital.

Remember, until you have had a nice shower and a good meal you are not going to the hospital, if you don't look after yourself properly you aren't much use, if need be get a friend round who will tell it like it is on those issues, you will definitely thank them later.

victory

arbrighton wrote: »

If he's all wired up, internal bleeding, surgery etc, he won't need pjs surely?
Your son won't be calm unless you are and it would be very traumatic for him to see his dad like that- perhaps he shouldn't visit again for a day or two? How old is he? Would distraction of some sort work with him? And just because eldest seems calm, he's probably just as much of a mess, keep an eye on him

14, I said no visiting but he wants to, he says he can't just be here when his dad isn't.

GwylimT

victory wrote: »

14, I said no visiting but he wants to, he says he can't just be here when his dad isn't.

If you are going to let him visit have a nurse explain what his equipment is for, if he cannot cope he must leave, dad will be able to pick up on stress etc.

victory

GwylimT wrote: »

This will sound heartless but everyone needs to calm down and get a grip. Being hysterical won't help anyone and it will scare your children. If people are upsetting your son they need to leave until they have calmed down themselves.

Your son needs to know exactly what all the tubes are, it is far less scary when you know why they are there. By being hysterical as a child he is being essentially told to act the same way himself. If you appear calm, he will calm down, that doesn't mean you can't show that you are upset and worried.

I know it's hard but as much as you can make sure you maintain your children's routine, if they are at school school need to know what is going on with dad as they are bound to get upset/be withdrawn, you can then also arrange for no homework until you have the time and energy to help them with it.

If you need any food etc, write a list and get someone to order it online.

Now, if you celebrate Christmas you need to carry this on for your children, if dad is still in hospital they need to have their normal Christmas Day and then visit dad to celebrate with him if he is still in hospital.

Remember, until you have had a nice shower and a good meal you are not going to the hospital, if you don't look after yourself properly you aren't much use, if need be get a friend round who will tell it like it is on those issues, you will definitely thank them later.

I never thought about school, will ring tomorrow, I shouldn't think he will want to go and I will not be making him, xmas we were going away to his family so no idea now, have nothing in as we were not going to be here but that is so far away, one day at a time here

torbrex

victory wrote: »

As soon as they get here we will be going to the hospital, it is an hour away in the critical care, they can have my bed

Most CCU try to limit number of visitors to a bed at one time so if you are taking your boys be prepared to wait in the family room and let mum & dad visit ahead of them if need be.
Take guidance from the nurses as to what you need to do, they are there to help you through this as well as your husband.