My OH is in hospital in intensive care

RuthnJasper

victory wrote: »

They absolutely are, everyone is tremendously cranky and irritable and tired, rang the CCU and they say critical but stable, monitoring now every 2 hours, don't even know if that is a good thing or not or what day it is or what I should be taking there.

Nan keeps telling me to pack a bag for him, then not because you can't have anything in there, then let's get dinner, !!!!!! who cares, go and look in the freezer , then more phone calls, more arrangements, one person is not now coming, the train has delays, no to facebook I and them not on it, then trying to delegate instructions, jeez these people obviously do not understand English, it gets repeated and goes down the line right past and back and it starts again, plus the fuzzy foggy head where I can't catch a thought, it sure is a head spinner.

Thanks for the update Victory; I'm sorry to hear that things are a bit more mad now the relatives have arrived.

My own, personal, view on that is that you need to do whatever is right as far as you are concerned - and THAT is what's happening; end of discussion. Nan is clearly (understandably) in a whirlpool of emotion and it's spiralling outwards in every direction.

Maybe your older son can help you with explaining gently that "your plan for this morning is xyz" so that you don't have the additional distress of her leaping up with a new strategy every five minutes.

She sounds like she might benefit from having something to keep her occupied at this particularly difficult and fractious time - perhaps she could be tasked with doing some food shopping and cooking meals for the freezer?

And if the Facebook option is the most convenient for you then go with it, with the proviso that she can get her information by 'phone.

It's a horrid time, I know. I so wish there was more I could offer than words.

Have you been able to get your head down for a little bit of decent sleep yet?

Lots and lots of hugs to you - you're doing great in a wretched situation. xxx

victory

Mojisola wrote: »

Stand back and take a few deep breaths, victory. Grab a few quiet minutes to yourself whenever you can.

While your OH is in ICU, there's very little you can take in for him or do for him. He's in very capable hands - look after yourself for the moment.

Everyone will feel upset and anxious and short-tempered but they should also be making an effort to pull together. Don't get pulled into trying to make everyone else feel better and running yourself into the ground in the process.

Oh Mojisola it is so damn hard, everyone wants a piece of you, if it is not information it is reaction or watching you incase you cry, touching your arm and offering platitudes which are lovely but my OH stopped breathing twice what do you want me to say to you to make you feel better? I know everyone is struggling, no one is pulling together, no one is listening and taking orders/delegation getting things done, everytime the phone rings I can hear my heart actually stop, I went upstairs and the phone rang and OH mum took it and when I came downstairs she said to me 'I have to tell you something' I honestly nearly passed out, turns out she was talking about something else so I told her off, she said ok what she meant was... fair enough that is over, my mobile keeps bleedping and going off and I know the hospital have my number, the second they cannot get me they contact my eldest

RuthnJasper

victory wrote: »

I am not a prayer but I am going to find out where the hospital chapel is and sit there for a bit, it may seem a strange thing to do but I think it will be calming , eldest told his dads work and they are hopefully going to be in charge of what to do as I have no idea what forms I need to fill in and how to go about it, in two weeks time he had 2 weeks off arranged anyway so as from today he has 5 days this week and 5 next week then his 2 weeks kick in, no idea can he ask for holiday or sick leave I don't know

Excellent idea. One doesn't have to be religious to find a great sense of calm and peace in the hospital chapel. It's the best thing to do to just sit and be still for a bit.

I'm sure your DH's work people will be OK. He is very clearly not feigning genuine illness. Worry about that later (possibly your home insurance has some income cover anyway?); that stuff can wait anyway.

You look after yourself sweetie. x

victory

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Thanks for the update Victory; I'm sorry to hear that things are a bit more mad now the relatives arrive.

My own, personal, view on that is that you need to do whatever is right as far as you are concerned - and THAT is what's happening; end of discussion. Nan is clearly (understandably) in a whirlpool of emotion and it's spiralling outwards in every direction.

Maybe your older son can help you with explaining gently that "your plan for this morning is xyz" so that you don't have the additional distress of her leaping up with a new strategy every five minutes.

She sounds like she might benefit from having something to keep her occupied at this particularly difficult and fractious time - perhaps she could be tasked with doing some food shopping and cooking meals for the freezer?

And if the Facebook option is the most convenient for you then go with it, with the proviso that she can get her information by 'phone.

It's a horrid time, I know. I so wish there was more I could offer than words.

Have you been able to get your head down for a little bit of decent sleep yet?

Lots and lots of hugs to you - you're doing great in a wretched situation. xxx

No sleep, I can hear the phone ringign but it isn't and when it does I can hardly breathe, if it does not ring I freak out and if it does ring I freak out.

Everyone is just being or doing what they can but it is not working, it is over active, unrealistic, all over the place, we are disfunctionally coping if there is even such a thing, my eldest has gone to work and his gf because he can't cope, he now gets calls and texts a few seconds after mine if I do not reply straight away, the facebook we are not on it, see there goes my phone again, a text message, the whole thing is mad

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

Oh Mojisola it is so damn hard, everyone wants a piece of you, if it is not information it is reaction or watching you incase you cry, touching your arm and offering platitudes which are lovely but my OH stopped breathing twice what do you want me to say to you to make you feel better?

It's so hard - I really feel for you. People don't understand that your head is spinning and that you might want to just have a bit of space or you might want to cry without people fussing over you. Crying is a relief and a release and, if you need it, that's what you should do.

Can you get out in the car on your own for a bit? Just go and park somewhere quiet and have sit/cry/scream at the unfairness of it? If not, go for a walk or sit in a local church - you don't have to believe or pray - just take advantage of the quiet space.

victory

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Excellent idea. One doesn't have to be religious to find a great sense of calm and peace in the hospital chapel. It's the best thing to do to just sit and be still for a bit.

I'm sure your DH's work people will be OK. He is very clearly not feigning genuine illness. Worry about that later (possibly your home insurance has some income cover anyway?); that stuff can wait anyway.

You look after yourself sweetie. x

Thank you, I really do appreciate people's help and people posting advice, I don't know what to do, OH is obviously in the best place and told him that last night, not sure he heard me but they say he can hear so told him, they are very thorough and doing a fantastic job with him and taking the greatest care, they sure know what the yare doing and I am very grateful to all the staff, they are always smiling and very calm and very easy to talk to and explain things when they get asked questions, they are very good

victory

Mojisola wrote: »

It's so hard - I really feel for you. People don't understand that your head is spinning and that you might want to just have a bit of space or you might want to cry without people fussing over you. Crying is a relief and a release and, if you need it, that's what you should do.

Can you get out in the car on your own for a bit? Just go and park somewhere quiet and have sit/cry/scream at the unfairness of it? If not, go for a walk or sit in a local church - you don't have to believe or pray - just take advantage of the quiet space.

We are going in 60 mins in the car to the hospital, lunch to be made for the car, more calls to answer, grandad is off to get some petrol, nan doing her hair, youngest running around somewhere trying to keep out of the way but wants to join in, it is not about me, my OH is critical in hospital it is about him, the police ring me for the updates also

RuthnJasper

victory wrote: »

No sleep, I can hear the phone ringign but it isn't and when it does I can hardly breathe, if it does not ring I freak out and if it does ring I freak out.

Everyone is just being or doing what they can but it is not working, it is over active, unrealistic, all over the place, we are disfunctionally coping if there is even such a thing, my eldest has gone to work and his gf because he can't cope, he now gets calls and texts a few seconds after mine if I do not reply straight away, the facebook we are not on it, see there goes my phone again, a text message, the whole thing is mad

It will be mad for a bit; I wish that wasn't the case, but these things are never easy. :(

Maybe it's an idea to say that no-one answers the 'phone except you (unless you are asleep and have delegated the task to someone else)? That way, you might hopefully avoid the situation you mentioned in your reply to Mojisola's post. The last thing you need at the moment is that sort of fret.

Hopefully your eldest son might think about coming home, as that might make things easier for you - but I can imagine that his nan is inadvertently not helping his state of mind either...

Are you able to just take the 'phone and go and shut yourself in your room or other quiet space for a bit? Then they can fret and flap as much as they like without it impacting on you so much? I know that sounds mean, but you sound ever so stressed at the moment, and I think it might help if you had some time in a place where they are not...

Have to head off now, but KEEP GOING, you're a real credit to your husband. xxx

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

it is not about me, my OH is critical in hospital it is about him

While your OH is in the good hands of the ICU staff, there is very little you can do for him. It's important to look after yourself at this point. Once he is moved out to an ordinary ward, there will be lots you can do for him and you have to be well enough to cope.

It sounds 'wrong' but I'm speaking from experience - of course, your OH is at the centre of everything but you need to look after yourself so that you can look after him - and all the other stuff that will need to be dealt with. Taking half an hour here and there during the day to yourself could keep you going.

It's an awful time - keeping you in my thoughts.

hazyjo

Just found the thread. Will keep fingers crossed. Stay strong (especially in front of kids), BUT lean on others - they will want to help. I know it's a huge worry seeing those you love in hospital.


Thinking of you. Keep us updated (I know you will).


Jx