My OH is in hospital in intensive care

pinkteapot

victory - I'm so sorry to hear your news. My hubby suddenly became seriously ill with an infection (septicaemia) three weeks before our wedding. :eek: I took him to A&E thinking he was just a bit ill. The triage nurse took him straight into resus and all hell broke loose. He was only in for a week, but it was absolutely terrifying.

Firstly, I was panicking about the wedding like you had the panic about Christmas. As others have said, it just doesn't matter. One day at a time and if you have Christmas lunch a few weeks late, it doesn't matter at all.

Secondly, I think it's a great idea to find the chapel. My mum's not religious in the slightest but when she went through a traumatic divorce a few years back, she occasionally went and sat in her local church, just as somewhere calm and quiet to sit when she needed it. It'll be good for you to have somewhere in the hospital to go if it all gets a bit much.

Thirdly, as others have said, your OH is being very well looked after by the intensive care staff. You're still in shock and it's horrible and you need to look after yourself as everyone else is just focused on him. I didn't know what to do when my hubby was in hospital. I went to work one day but felt sick and couldn't focus to get anything done. At home I'd pace about and not know what I should be doing. It's just awful and all you can do is survive it. Keep eating and sleeping as regularly as you possibly can. Try to keep well-wishers at a distance as much as you politely can, unless they're people who are giving you practical help. Everyone means well but they can be a drain on you. Don't be afraid to tell people if you can't talk to them at a given time - they'll understand.

Fourthly, don't worry about his work. It's a clear case of sick leave - sick is for accidents as well as illness. He'll get whatever sick pay his company give (they should have a policy). Don't worry about the details of that right now. If you (or someone else) can, ring them again in a day or two with a quick update to keep them posted on his condition. I got to know my hubby's manager pretty well when he was ill as I spoke to him every few days!

whitewing

maybe get a visitors book or something and write everyone's best wishes in that. Then you have passed the messages on as much as circumstances permit.

*~Zephyr~*

I can't offer any practical advice as I'm lucky enough to have never been in a situation like this, but I couldn't just read and run.

All I can offer is virtual hugs and my thoughts are with you. My heart really does ache for you and I just had a little cry at my desk. I hope your OH heals swiftly and is out of the woods quickly.

Do you have one capable friend? Someone you can lean heavily on and perhaps could take on the mantle of go-between to take the calls from other friends/family and pass on the news, rather than you having to speak to everyone?

emmaj30

Victory, Im sorry to hear your news about hubby. You are doing so well. Thinking of you and hope your husband makes a recovery soon x

Sezzagirl

Oh Victory, what an awful thing you are going through. My best wishes for your DH and all your family

Just a thought that occured to me

Could you (or one of your very capable sounding sons) set a different ring tone on your phone so you would know instantly if it was the hospital calling? I'm sure that is possible on your mobile but not sure about the home phone. Then you would know if it was a call you wanted to take straight away or not

You could then record a answer phone message with the latest update and, if it isn't the hospital calling, you could let the caller hear the message and then leave a message that you could listen to when you have time

Take care of yourself too.

mum2one

I've just found your thread, first can I say I'm so sorry your all going through this, a lot of what I say may have already been said so apologies -


I'm going on the experience we had as my father was in hospital for 4 weeks over the summer, he was 150 mile round trip as it happened while we on holiday we had to leave him there he spent a week in itu.

The first and sounds the daftest don't be afraid to ask for help, even if your the most independent person, but ask even if it is can you get me a pint of milk and loaf of bread.

What we were told - was keep a diary of events that happened in the hospital as the patient doesn't know what's happened and this way when there better they can see there better, it might not feel like they are better but they are.

From my father he described itu like being in a ball of elastic that you just couldn't break. He also said as lights on are 24/7 it's so hard to sleep.

The main point - try to keep things normal - your son he may not feel like school but I'm guessing at 14, he is in yr 10, thinking gcse time, ring the school let them know, they can arrange pastoral support, extensions to homework etc.
(Ours happened just as Dd was due to start secondary, I have to say the school have been amazing, my daughters father is not around, my dad stepped in as father role to her, it's hits kids hard).

Wires etc- at the mo he will wire here there and everywhere, ask the nurse to explain what things are, with the itu bed the nurse is allocated 1 per patient,

Ring - what we did was ring in the morning and again at evening to see how he was, it is generally two to a bed, if your son is finding it distressing let him sit in the relatives room or even see if there is a friend he can stay with even it's just as company

Pjs etc - when there in itu the gowns are better idea, save the pjs for the ward, pack some toiletries, as for the shave the nurse use to do dads.

Drinks - when he can have drinks the water doesn't taste the best, we brought in squash at first it was there just to colour the water, they monitor the input and the output.

Sleep - this may sound daft, I know from experience you won't feel like it, you feel guilty, but ur no good as an exhausted wreck, ur never far from a phone, you can ring 24/7 they can ring you.

When he wakes - going by out experience - dad was in the itu from the Friday he was sedetated and venterlated, by the time we got there he had come off them was very groggy, he remembers us talking to him, when he was more awake we took in his MP3 player, DVD player, but if you have a tablet that's better.

Frustration/ temper/ lack of concentration - all of the above applies it's a frustration from not doing anything to a long road recovery, lack of proper sleep, coming to terms with it all, we went through the lot - for them the minutes seem like hrs, the days just blur, dad loved books and word searches, but it found them very tiring as it was harder to focus.

Thick skin - ur need to develop a thick skin, your be one playing piggy in the middle, dividing time between hospital, family and home, there's no easy answer but u do find a way to juggle it all.

Shopping - we adhoc shopped I don't remember how the heck I got round the supermarket, one visit took me 3 hrs - if you can do a big online shop so you need just need to top up - lot easier

Delegate - have a relative from each branch of the family so instead of ringing 5 people ring 1 and they can let the others now, this saves having to repeat the same news.
Use the Internet to communicate, send text messages - sometimes just touching base helps

Friends / family - some people can't cope with the news and may react differently we found that it was weird the people you would expect would help turned their back, those that wouldn't think was amazing I had friends who lived 2 hrs away offered to drive to me to pick mum up and take her to hospital so I could have a rest - thank the help.

Book an appointment with the consultant - this way ur get time to find out what is happening, long term plans, care etc. take a notebook, prepare questions your mind goes blank.

Decide if you want to be told updates at the bed or would you rather be in relatives room, an office - for the big updates, plan of action etc.
(We were told at the bedside my dad had cancer, it was as casual as do u take sugar in your tea)
Share the driving - if you can share the driving it takes stress off.

Car parking - it is worth asking if there is tokens available for car parking

Until you can get a longer view - at the mo your going to feel like your doing headless chick, it's hard as on one hand your a wife therefore u want to give everything for your husband on the other hand your a mum - those boys need you to be strong - even if you have to paint the face of being strong then have a gd cry in the toilet - you need to be strong for them.

It's a bit haphazard just going our experience and how / why I suggest what i did, you can always pm me anytime if u need anything xxx

cazziebo

How awful, Victory. Haven't read whole thread so might be repeating others...

You might find this website useful I certainly did and my sister (who spent 3 weeks in ICU two years ago) still does.*

Toiletries will be welcomed. I was appalled to find out the nurses in the ICU bought shower gel, soap, shampoo etc themselves because the standard issue stuff was too harsh for most patients.

It does sound odd, but a diary etc is useful. My sister feels she lost three weeks of her life - she really can't remember anything that happened (but does think lots of other weird things did).

Whilst in ICU, your OH will have one to one care. It is the last part of the NHS where resource is not skimped on. He is in good hands.

You're in my prayers.

xx

*Thanks to Person_One who directed me to the ICU steps site.

justmel

Victory,
I do not know you either and lurk far more than I post but I couldn't read and run and wanted to say that my thoughts are with you and your family at this awful time.

The ICU staff in my experience are fantastic and dedicated so whilst this awful thing should not be happening your OH will be getting the most excellent care.

Can I just say RE people ringing for updates etc,be honest with them,tell them that you are having to deal with so very much at the moment and that you need your phone lines to be free in case the hospital need to call,tell them that you are too exhausted to be able to send lots of texts too,I am sure most people would not be offended and besides your household must come first.

Another idea would possibly be to say you will send one update per day and do it in a group text message so everyone gets their update but you only need to type it out once,my husband did this for me when my dad was in ICU.

When people ask if you need anything there is also nothing wrong with saying 'a couple of hours alone'.

Good friends and neighbours will happily help not only with tasks but with understanding too,sometimes though people just don't realise how overwhelmed you are feeling and you need to politely tell them so.

I am not great at practical advice,so many people here are though and have had some excellent advice to offer.

My thoughts are very much with you all and I wish your OH a speedy recovery,try to get some rest too,easier said than done I know but so important for you xx

pickledonionspaceraider

HI Victory -

I have no words of advise, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and I hope your OH gets better very quickly

Crispy_Ambulance

I didn't want to read and run - sending all best wishes to you and your family