Debt busting into 2015, but not beyond!

PiggyBankShaker

So payday has rolled around at last. It was a bit of an anticlimax though.

I put £1000 into savings, but this only had the effect increasing the pot by £600 as we had had to take £400 out earlier in the month for car repairs.

I paid £58 for nursery fees for DS and as of next month there will be nno more fees to pay and the CTC vouchers will cease being taken from my pay.

Dh gets paid next week. He is already £220 into his overdraft and he will need to transfer £700 for the monthly bills and also £300+ to pay off the balance on his 'cashflow' credit card. All the rest of his pay will probably be needed for spending money on our epic camping holiday. The up shot is that he won't be add to add anything to the savings pot this month either.

We are still on target to reach our 'emergency' savings target of £5000 by the start of October, which is good as DH's future at his company is still not assured. This makes planning for France difficult.

I have now been told the town where I will be teaching but I am having doubts about how practical / selfish the whole idea of going really is. I know the sensible thing to do would be to stay here and keep saving / paying down the mortgage and aim to go in a few years. But I just think that if we do that, then we will never go. There will never be a good time to go.

I feel pretty miserable about it

lcc86

Hi PBS hope all is well with you??

AllThatStuffIsJustStuff

So this is the first time I have posted in here in nearly two years. So naturally I have a lot to say, but will try to not make this an essay.

Trying to think back, I think I drifted away from the forums for a couple of reasons. First I thought we didn't need to worry anymore after I got my current, much better paid job. With me and PBS both working full time with good salaries, it seemed like we were set. And to an extent that is true, but on reflection, this attitude has meant that I have failed to secure the best outcomes from the extra income, for all of us - but especially for PBS and the kids.
We have made some great progress from it, though, and have afforded to do some great things as a result - like our great holidays we went on and our amazing new kitchen. These themselves were, thanks to PBS's excellent planning skills, procured relatively cheaply. But in both cases they were paid for largely on credit card and worked out afterwards, rather than budgeted and saved for.

This works out fine, but I feel more and more that we are scrambling to get back to neutral, rather than pushing on to a new level. PBS and I have regularly joked that "it's just cashflow" but I have been using this as a mask for complacency and presumption.

This complacent attitude of mine has not, alas, been limited to financials. I have realised (literally in the last 24 hours), that I have been taking everything in my life for granted, and have begun to dramatically disengage from all aspects of my life. As a result, I have just been cruising through with slowly everything becoming an inconvenience in the way of the next inconvenience. This has been affecting mine and PBS's relationship in ways I hadn't realised, and I need to address these problems in myself.

On the bigger picture, this has made me obstructive to things that PBS and I both want. Like the next set of home improvements and holiday plans. But also smaller things, like fixing broken things around the house and enhancing our living space. Also, I have not been putting proper effort in to investing in the kids.

I'd convinced myself that these things didn't need doing, weren't important enough, or that I was doing more than others would so I didn't have to worry about it. All these were just excuses. But worse than that, they have been causing me to set myself against PBS, rather than alongside her.

Overall, I have slipped in to a bad place. A place very similar to where I was about 12 years ago. Where I drifted by, irritated with the rest of the world for not recognising that I was amazing. That lasted for a long time. Meeting PBS was what snapped me out of it. But I can't ask PBS to rescue me again - not all on her own anyway. I need to take responsibility for my future, and my contribution to our families future.

I don't have full plans yet, but I have ideas as to what I need to do (topics in no particular order).

Money

• Start a new diary with new objectives - once agreed with PBS
• Budget up home improvement works
• Complete last year's tax return so I get a clear total on current savings
• Keeping track of spending - especially discretionary spending (takeaways, trips out etc)

Family

• Find a Gym class for DD
• Get DS in to any class
• Schedule family activities at weekends. Doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive. I'm talking walks in the woods and science experiments.
• try to set boundaries for work stealing our weekends, and take time back for those that they steal.

Marriage

• Make efforts to still be romantic with PBS
• Be honest - even when it's difficult

Personal

• Start counseling to help with my attitude - in particular those around my relationship with PBS. First session booked for tomorrow.
• Stop drinking. It has been a long time since I got drunk (or even had just a couple of drinks) and didn't regret it after. It isn't adding anything to my life, so away it can go.
• Quit social media. Facebook is such a time trap. It's gonna go.
• Get my focus back on the things that matter - namely my family. I am so easily settled in to stupid habits and compulsive behaviour around things that I know I don't care about.

There's probably a lot more, but that's enough for now. I'll be updating these and more in our new diary(ies) in the coming weeks and months.

Dobbibill

Hi ATSIJS,

That probably took an enormous amount of courage - to admit where we need support or need to work harder/smarter is in itself a step towards a solution.

I hope to see you here on a regular basis and no doubt, you'll be reporting on success and progress.

Bullet points look like you've thought things through and are going to deal with it in bitesize chunks - I'm a big fan of bitesize/small steps still complete a journey.

I wish you and of course PBS well for the future in all areas of your life.

DB

AllThatStuffIsJustStuff

Hi DB,

Thanks for your post. I appreciate you taking the time to say such supportive words. It really makes a big difference.

ATS

PiggyBankShaker

Morning all,

Sitting here in m'dressing gown, feeling quite rough. I have a throat / chest infection and haven't been sleeping so I'm pretty knackered to boot.

I'm acutely concious that I have been absent from the diary of late. The turmoil about going to France continued and I felt like I couldn't really focus on anything else until that was resolved.

Long story short... we're not in France After much, much soul searching I decided, for various reasons, not to go. Whilst in many ways it would have been lovely, ultimately I felt it would have taken us further away from our mid / long term goals rather than closer to them. I wasn't 100% sure that I had made the right decision, but then something has happened this week that told me that I definitely have.

My Dad has been diagnosed with cancer So this is exactly where we need to be right now. He's having some more tests today and then we will know his prognosis.

So where are we with all our various financial shenanigans?

Emergency savings pot is up to £4000 :T
CC debt is at £3433 at 0%
HMRC debt was at £330 but they've just sent a new demand for £255 :eek:

Pay day is in 12 days time.

Dobbibill

PiggyBankShaker wrote: »

Morning all,

Sitting here in m'dressing gown, feeling quite rough. I have a throat / chest infection and haven't been sleeping so I'm pretty knackered to boot.

Aw PBS, there is a lot of it around at the moment - it's going through all of us in my house in varying levels - obviously DH felt it the most as it has a similar effect to 'manflu' :rotfl:

Long story short... we're not in France After much, much soul searching I decided, for various reasons, not to go. Whilst in many ways it would have been lovely, ultimately I felt it would have taken us further away from our mid / long term goals rather than closer to them. I wasn't 100% sure that I had made the right decision, but then something has happened this week that told me that I definitely have.

My Dad has been diagnosed with cancer So this is exactly where we need to be right now. He's having some more tests today and then we will know his prognosis.

Sometimes a 'feeling' or 'gut instinct' is right and you should follow that. Sometimes there is no rationale to it at the time but deep down you know it's the right thing.

I'm so sorry to hear about your news with you Dad. My thoughts are with you and your family, whilst you go through tests and challenging times. This is where you will all need to dig deep for that inner strength you didn't know you had.

**hugs**

DB

AllThatStuffIsJustStuff

Today I've been paid - both my half month pay and also my massive expense bill racked up last month - a total of £2965.06

Unfortunately, the "cashflow" credit card (what I use for expenses and other large expenditures) balance is £3531.06 and £3330.74 of that is due next week.

PBS has given me £200 for an item on the "cashflow" card that she expensed, but that still leaves me £165.68 short - with only £78.87 in the bank. So I'm in to the overdraft immediately with over two weeks till next pay day.

I'm writing this here mainly so I have a clear reminder of how much I've been letting this 'cashflow' card cover for overspending. Will be making a concerted effort to stop it now.

PBS has been pushing this case for sometime, so again, I have only myself to blame for being stupid enough to ignore her!

AllThatStuffIsJustStuff

Spending diary - day 1

So to properly assess our outgoings, I've decided to log all my/our spending every day for the rest of the year. Hopefully then in the New Year I'll be able to budget more effectively.

Day 1 -

Bread - £1.09
Matches - 99p
Diesel - £29.99
Counselling session - £40 (one of the best bits of money I've ever spent!)

The counselling session was amazing and unquestionably one of the best decisions I've ever made. I feel really excited about continuing with it, and also about how it can help to improve me and my life.

PiggyBankShaker

Hello diary-land!

I'm really happy and proud that ATS has re-joined me on the diary. I always used to find it useful in the previous diary that he contributed to, as a means of keeping us both focussed. So thanks ATS it means a lot to me that you are helping to take responsibility for our financial future

Spends for yesterday and today are as follows:

£5.60 train from work (yesterday)
£4.30 train from work (today)
£2.20 coffee whilst waiting for ATS today. This could have been avoided if I had remember my front door key...