Debt busting into 2015, but not beyond!

PiggyBankShaker

DAILY HORSE / CAMPERVAN BUYING UPDATE: Have not bought a horse or a camper van. 10/10.

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Baby steps, baby steps. I haven't got much to report, but just the act of logging something in the diary makes me feel like I am going in the right direction.

So I did clean the bathroom yesterday and I made a start on tidying up the backyard, just a little one mind you, don't want to go crazy or anything :rotfl:

I did spend some money £6 on some daffs, some for a hanging basket outside, some for the kitchen window sill and some from my grandparents grave. They looks so cheery and spring-like on the window sill that I can't help but smile each time I look at them - and they're not even open yet! :rotfl:

Did also buy a take away last night. We had both been so busy yesterday and DH was so tired that I thought a little treat would be good.

Anyway, back on the bandwagon today. Looking forward to hearing what'll be in the budget later, hoping for a nice increase in the personal allowance threshold, please Mr Osborne.

Only other news is that there is something 'afoot' with DH's contract, not 100% sure of all the details yet, but optimistic that it will be good for him/us. Fingers crossed!

PiggyBankShaker

DAILY HORSE / CAMPERVAN BUYING UPDATE: Still haven't bought a horse or a camper van. 10/10.

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Budget was alright. Personal allowance could have done to have gone up a bit more, but the new personal savings allowance is good news as is withdrawal and redeposit in ISAs. Now if only I had any savings... :rotfl:

PiggyBankShaker

PiggyBankShaker wrote: »

Today's goals (25/11/14)

• [STRIKE]Declutter our bedroom[/STRIKE]
• [STRIKE]Tidy upstairs[/STRIKE]
• Sort craft stash
• Sort cabinet cupboard
• Sort cabinet drawers

Just been looking back over my diary and it is almost four months since I posted that list and I still haven't done it The craft stash made it out of the cupboard and onto our bedroom floor where it has stayed ever since :eek: I REALLY do need to sort it. Will *try* and make a start today....

PiggyBankShaker

DAILY HORSE / CAMPERVAN BUYING UPDATE: Have not bought a horse or a camper van. Been so good that I haven't even looked at any horse websites! 11/10.

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Where do I start? Felling kinda low today. Need to ring the Dr's for appointment for sick note and need to text my boss, but I can't bring myself to get even look at my phone. Want to ask DH to do it for me, but think his patience with me is running out I've made a real effort the last two days to try harder. I got up and dressed and did some cleaning and tidying, instead of just hiding in bed watching films. But I'm feeling a bit like 'what's the point?' today.

Spent some money yesterday £17 on fruit and liquid iron supplement and £11 on logs, easter hat shizzle (why? why!) and a box to tidy some of the kids lego into.

I also managed to pick up some free wood, which to be frank was probably the highlight of my day

Meant to be going out for a treat that I organised for DH tonight, but there are some babysitting issues and I don't know if I've got the energy to try and find a work around, especially as it would involve asking my parents who are still annoyed with me for 'withdrawing' from them (due to my anxiety) Seriously, what is the !!!!in' point of it all?

monz

Hope you are feeling better soon! it will get better *hugs*x

Dobbibill

Hope you managed to get the appt with the Doctors sorted and also the text to the boss - it cannot be helped if you are not well.

Glad you are up and about today - it will having a much better effect on you then laying in bed, although it's sometimes easier said than done.

Thinking and rooting for you

PiggyBankShaker

monz wrote: »

Hope you are feeling better soon! it will get better *hugs*x

Dobbibill wrote:

Hope you managed to get the appt with the Doctors sorted and also the text to the boss - it cannot be helped if you are not well.

Glad you are up and about today - it will having a much better effect on you then laying in bed, although it's sometimes easier said than done.

Thinking and rooting for you

Hi monz and Dobbibill,

Thanks for much for your lovely messages. They really cheered me up. I watched film in bed (Best Exotic Marigold Hotel - great!) and then grabbed myself by the scruff and put myself in the shower. Got dressed, had lunch and voila! Felt a bit better. DH has made Dr's appointment for Monday afternoon. Between that and counselling on Sunday I should hopefully start to turn a corner soon.

MeandO

Hi PBS

I didn't realise you had a diray, I just found you, so you're stuck with me now I'm afraid!

I know you're feeling like 'what's the point' at the moment, but you have made a really big difference to my outlook on life with your lovely and thoughtful post in the past few days, so that's one heck of a 'biggy' there. You inspired me to think very differently and for that I can't thank you enough. I really hope you feel brighter soon. I know from past and personal experience that some days you really have to force your body into doing things such as getting up and having a shower, but, like you said, it does make you feel better, so keep at it if you can. When I was at my lowest, even just a simple routine helped me.

Sending lots of love and hugs, as monz said, this is just a blip and things WILL get better.
xx

PiggyBankShaker

MeandO wrote: »

Hi PBS

I didn't realise you had a diray, I just found you, so you're stuck with me now I'm afraid!

I know you're feeling like 'what's the point' at the moment, but you have made a really big difference to my outlook on life with your lovely and thoughtful post in the past few days, so that's one heck of a 'biggy' there. You inspired me to think very differently and for that I can't thank you enough. I really hope you feel brighter soon. I know from past and personal experience that some days you really have to force your body into doing things such as getting up and having a shower, but, like you said, it does make you feel better, so keep at it if you can. When I was at my lowest, even just a simple routine helped me.

Sending lots of love and hugs, as monz said, this is just a blip and things WILL get better.
xx

Hi MeandO,

Nice to have you around Thanks for your encouragement. 'Diaryland' is such a source of inspiration for me; people working towards similar goals, people who don't 'know' each other but can reach out across the 'void' and make someone feel better. I sometimes think the world would be a lost nicer if more people acted in real life the way we treat each other here in 'Diaryland'.

PiggyBankShaker

Bit of an update, but it's going to have a be a cryptic one I'm afraid. Last two days have been an unbelievable emotional roller-coaster. It started when I plucked up the courage to have an 18 year over-due conversation with my parents. It didn't go well, but I felt that I got some closure out of it. So was feeling both worse and better at the same time which was very odd.

Yesterday spent some time with some friends and worked through some of the emotions a bit more. Then I was up in the night not feeling very well and my mind was racing and suddenly a crystal clear thought formed in my head that said 'my mistakes are just mistakes, my mistakes do not define me'. And it made perfect sense all of a sudden. And I realised that the day before when I had talked to my parents I had forgiven myself for something that I had spent 18 years feeling guilty about (even though now I realise that the thing I had felt guilty about all this time was never my fault to start with) and if I could forgive myself for something I had previously thought was unforgivable, then I extend this forgiveness to my parents too. And I realised that, in that moment, I had freed myself from a burden that I have been carrying all my life. I went back to bed and for the first time that I can remember in my life I could hear total silence in my head. There were no voices reproaching me for not being better, stronger, smarter, braver, and so on and so on, but just a sense of peace and quiet. And it felt truly wonderful. And when I woke up this morning, the feeling is still here. The sense of calm and freedom and happiness. And the knowledge that I will make mistakes, of course I will, but there are just mistakes, they do not define me. And I can forgive myself and accept the forgiveness of others and I can forgive other people. And so not only have I laid down my old burdens I see that I do not have to replace them with new ones either. It is a wonderful feeling.