What to do if CM constantly complains about 'grumpy' 18 month old?

notanewuser

GetOut wrote: »

Several in a million, as per your surely informed comment, would be several too many for any parent

No, several million to one. As in it happens to one child in several million. Bit like the odds of winning the lottery.

I have a 4 year old daughter. While I wouldn't be happy with anybody sending her downstairs to a public toilet on her own, it would be because she'd potentially get lost, not be molested or kidnapped!

However, if someone is in loco parentis I wouldn't expect them to behave as your CM did.

Bangton

Outrageous. If she's making negative comments like that chances are she is negative around your daughter. I actually feel incredibly sad for you both. I have a great childminder and still found it so hard to leave my son with her. I don't know how I'd feel if i had a childminder like that! !

Find someone else. Your daughter sounds perfectly normal

susancs

OP, I would agree with other posters that you should look for alternative childcare. It sounds as if your particular childminder has not developed a good bond with your child. To develop emotionally and socially your child will need to have a close nuturing relationship with their child care provider. If your child feels insecure they will be clingy initially, but if they attend a childminder 4 days a week, they should settle in and be happy and confident within a short period of time. It may be that your particular childminder has taken too much on in addition to providing childcare, with her heading a childminding network, preparing training courses etc and this is the root of the issues. For example if she runs a childminding network, she might get a number of phonecalls asking for advice during her working day and if your daughter was playing a game and this was stopped while the childminder has a lengthy phonecall, a lot of toddlers would be upset and looking for attention. Maybe looking at a small Nursery may be a good option as your child will be allocated a key person to look after her needs and there will be other staff to support your little one and help her settle in or take care of other children so your child can have the one to one support she may initially need to settle in. Children are so individual that some people they take to and others not as much and there is likely to be someone in the Nursery that your child will like.

It may also may it easier to leave your childminder, without any conflict, if you state that you wish to put your child in a Nursery setting with more children, rather than to another childminder (whom she may well know if she heads the local childminding group and trains childminders). You could of course just state that you feel that your child has not settled in as well as you would like and you feel a different setting may be better.

pollypenny

I read the beginning ofbthe thread on my phone yesterday.

What a horrid woman, not fit to look after children! Bless OPs little one. I'm so glad she's taken her away.

victory

climbthatwallseegar wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies. I think I have to follow my gut instinct, I have been second guessing myself as DD is my first and I was really not sure if I was just being over sensitive (I can be sensitive to criticism and I have started to feel as if the CM's comments are a attack on my parenting) but ultimately I need to remove her and the replies here have reinforced that. The relentless negativity is draining and I do not think DD is happy.

I really dread to think what she tells other parents about DD! When she spoke to me about one of her other mindees she complained that the child had a speech delay and and it was so tiring trying to understand her etc. Very unprofessional. Maybe she is jaded/fed up with small kids now as that child is only 2 years old so getting frustrated with her speech is not a good sign and does not bode well for DD as she gets older.

I have already spoken to my HV (didn't mention the CM's comments) and she said DD's behaviour and development is entirely normal and she had no concerns which was a big relief.

Yes definetely follow your gut instinct and get a new CM, your child will be much happier and so will you:)

barbiedoll

I was lucky enough to be friends with my CM before she became my CM (I was her first client!) and if I got home from work a little earlier than usual, we would sometimes have a cuppa and a chat before I headed off home with DS.

She would sometimes tell me about her clients, like the one who left her child there until 8pm because she had gone out for a drink with her college friends. (As CM said, what can you do? You can't put the child out on the streets! :eek:) Or the couple who did everything they could to avoid paying her. I never met these people, nor did I know who their children were, she only told me after she had disengaged herself from their employ, as it were.

But in all the years that I knew her, I never, ever heard her moan about any of the kids in her care. She would comment on them, if I noticed a new one, saying things like "Oh, he's a lovely kid, he follows your DS around all day, they get on really well" etc etc. She never had a bad word to say about anyone's children, even when mine had had a bad day, she would tell me what had happened (as she said, she didn't want him coming home and telling me that he'd been told off!) and would explain why she had disciplined him, and for what reason.

I have known lots of childminders over the years and I wouldn't entrust my dog to some of them. I have heard one local childminder swear (F-words!!) in full voice in the school playground at one of her charges. Another is often spotted standing outside her front gate, smoking. I'm not sure who is looking after the kids whilst she is nattering to her neighbours!

But many, many CM's are lovely people who genuinely love their job. Don't write them all off, they do a very difficult job, and deal with some very difficult parents at times!

jetplane

climbthatwallseegar wrote: »

The CM was recommended by several people including my neighbour, was on the council's list of minders. She is a kind of leading figures amongst childminders in the area, her 2 daugthers are both CMs, she runs training classes etc and heads the network of childminders in the area.

Without tarring all Childminders with the same brush this rings alarm bells for me because Childminders can be very clicky and this woman has everything all sewn up doesn't she? How can you change childminders when you cant be sure of confidentiality or choice is limited? Some CM's do a fab job and are very professional.

With government cuts many councils have left their CM's without support and ofsted will inspect if you complain, but speaking from a professional stance, nothing happens other than it being noted on their ofsted reports.

Ofsted give childminders notice of inspections and much of the report is about having the right policies in place. A slap on the wrist for this Childminder is not going to help your child. Go with your instinct and don't be intimidated by the CM m a f i a

edit: apparently my last word is offensive so had to retype

littlegreenparrot

"DD is usually very happy and full of beans in the morning before we arrive. However although she goes to the CM willingly she is quite subdued and doesn't show any kind of emotion when I hand her over. "


This rings massive alarm bells for me. Even very small children learn very quickly if they have to shut up and stay still to keep out of trouble, and they will change their behaviour accordingly to different environments.


I'm very glad your changing CM, I would also report it as a safeguarding concern to your local authority. You can do that anonoymously, and they will investigate.

clarryd

OP my niece had a very similar thing to you. Her CM looked after about 4 children all under 2. Every time we went to collect her the CM had something to say as you said before just dripping information a bit at a time, again calling her a "little princess" or a "little Diva" always some comment, "she was hitting " xxx" today, it wasn't until the school holidays that my niece asked her to look after her son who was 5 at the time and who could tell his mum exactly what went on.

He told his mum they all got told to lie on the floor and go to sleep, he pretended to sleep and she went on her computer for a catch up on facebook. (CM was in her 50's). She also had her mates in for tea and biscuits, while she was supposed to be looking after the children.

On other occasions she would often leave the children with her son, who wasn't checked by the police to be around children. I told my niece to take her daughter out of that situation and put her to a CM who actually watched her daughter.

My advice to you is if you are not happy in any way get your child away from her and put your child somewhere you are happy with.

Remember you are the parent and you are in charge of your child's welfare. If in doubt take them out.

moomoomama27

I would also remove my child from this situation, and if I felt appropriate then make OFSTED aware too.

My DD was in daycare for a few weeks following the difficult birth of my son, to give me a rest and time to recover really, and after the third session, she complained of her wrist hurting, she was only 20 months at the home, but kept saying all evening about grabbing. She didn't go back, I informed the HV, who said she was in the process if a referral as three other Parents had contacted her!!

This one sounds like she shouldn't be looking after children if she is going to behave that way!!