What to do if CM constantly complains about 'grumpy' 18 month old?

Person_one

tod123, is that you again? I've missed you...

GobbledyGook

I think childcare is very much an instinctive thing. If it does't feel right then it's not for you.

The childminder that mine go to just now doesn't have the best inspection grades of the ones who were available in my area, but he is the right one for us. The one who comes with the all singing-all dancing reviews (loved by other CM's, recommended by school and nursery) just didn't feel right for me - which greatly offended her. Another one didn't feel right and it was her who said to me 'If I don't feel right to you then try x and y. It has to be right for everyone otherwise it just becomes uncomfortable.'

You can't be there to watch all the time so you've got to trust your instincts I think and in this case it sounds like the right thing to remove because your instincts were shouting loudly!

climbthatwallseegar

Thank you all for your comments. Sad to read of so many poor experiences but also heartening to hear from childminders who reassure me that there are plenty of good ones out there which I know is the case.

I would def. consider nursery and we looked at some when I was on maternity leave. There were just issues around the logistics of picking DD up in time from the ones that we liked, DH and I basically work about an hour away from the nurseries in question and we both finish work 5.30/6. I will look into reducing my hours and finishing early as we were thinking about nursery for a few hours next year anyway but it was already a battle to get my days reduced to 4 per week plus DH earns roughly half my salary so there is that.

We have been looking up new childminders this week and DD has been with me while I WFH. The ' trust your instinct' thing is what concerns me because I didn't get a bad feeling about her at all when I visited the setting and she made a point of telling me I could pop round at any time (without calling beforehand) if I wanted to see her looking after her existing mindees. DH still really likes her and just thinks she is tired as she looks after so many kids on different days plus she does the training, CM network organisation, runs a children's nutrition course etc so she gets a bit exasperated every now and again. However she is all positive/glowing comments about DD when he picks her up, I'm the one who gets the slightly sour face and complaints every morning! She has also blamed DD and her other mindee for not enabling her to look after another child she wanted to take on because apparently she thinks both of them would react badly to a new arrival so it's if some of her current mindees are just a big inconvenience.

I will have to tread carefully if we get a new CM rather than nanny/nursery as she and her childminder daughters have a kind of queen bee status around here within the childcare community. She is quite the dominant figure and I noticed a few of the childminders deferred to her quite a bit at the various stay and play activities I saw her at when I took DD along too. Just want to avoid awkward situation for any new CM really. Thanks all for your advice!

Spendless

climbthatwallseegar wrote: »

DH still really likes her and just thinks she is tired as she looks after so many kids on different days plus she does the training, However she is all positive/glowing comments about DD when he picks her up, I'm the one who gets the slightly sour face and complaints every morning!

Has your husband ever done the morning drop off, or have you done the pick up? Just wondering if it's a difference between how she is in mornings to evenings, or if she's reacting to you both differently. Could you both drop off or collect together, just as a one-off to judge for yourself if she acts differently then to how she's being with you.

penny_crayon

OP - could you look for a nursery near to your or DHs workplace? That could solve the timings problem? I chose nursery for both my DDs as they are always around more than one carer, and they have cameras recording all the time. Any incidents can then be looked at by the managers on the CCTV if necessary. I wouldn't consider a childminder for any of my kids unless the child could communicate clearly about what they have been doing. I know nursery can be more expensive, but it's worth it in my opinion.

missindecisive

Your childminder obviously finds your child hard work..hence the negative comments about her.
Calling someone else's child a drama queen is inappropriate and unprofessional.
Your child is only 16 months for goodness sake..she can't tell you if she's unhappy..she's still a toddler.
If she was mine..I'd go with my gut instinct and get her out of her care. She sounds like an idiot and she's undermining your confidence knowing you're concerned. Start looking for new childcare today. Please. Best of luck x

susancs

climbthatwallseegar wrote: »

We have been looking up new childminders this week and DD has been with me while I WFH. The ' trust your instinct' thing is what concerns me because I didn't get a bad feeling about her at all when I visited the setting and she made a point of telling me I could pop round at any time (without calling beforehand) if I wanted to see her looking after her existing mindees. DH still really likes her and just thinks she is tired as she looks after so many kids on different days plus she does the training, CM network organisation, runs a children's nutrition course etc so she gets a bit exasperated every now and again.

I agree with your DH that she probably is a nice person and that is why you didn't get a bad feeling about her when you visited her, but has just taken too much on and is maybe not at the point of recognising that this is impacting on her ability to give her full attention to the children she is looking after. At the end of the day you have to get the best possible childcare for your little one and she is not providing this at this at this point in time. Your instincts were right, it is just you didn't realise how much the extra work she does would impact on her abilities.