What to do if CM constantly complains about 'grumpy' 18 month old?

notanewuser

climbthatwallseegar wrote: »

Thanks. That was my initial reason for wanting a CM rather than a nursery which as you say is more of a setting. The CM was recommended by several people including my neighbour, was on the council's list of minders. She is a kind of leading figures amongst childminders in the area, her 2 daugthers are both CMs, she runs training classes etc and heads the network of childminders in the area. We did a month of 'settling in' whereby I left DD with her for increasing lenghts of time (from 30 mins to a couple of hours) twice a week and then gradually moved up slowly to longer days. There were tears etc but she assured me at the time all was fine and that was to be expected. I felt like I took all the right steps to ensure DD was with someone appropriate but looking back we didn't really see a wide enough range of different carers, we selected this CM quite quickly on the basis of so many recommendations.

This morning I asked her outright if she thought there was a problem with DD (felt emboldened after reading all the responses here yesterday!). She looked perplexed and said "DD is one of the easiest children I have looked after in some ways but she is very clingy. She has these outbursts and difficult moments. Yesterday she had a moment of hysteria but there were no tears so it was just a fit of temper. Did you know she has a bad temper?". I replied that she has tantrums like any other child but I wasn't particularly aware of a temper as such. She then said she has another child starting next week (I know this child's father) and commented "She isn't as cuddly as your DD..god, I hope she isn't going to give me any trouble" so I think she has just had enough of childminding in general as there are complaints about every child she looks after. Plus DD suddenly went from 'clingy' to 'cuddly' in one sentence, what is that about.

We are at home and I am now looking into a nanny / nanny share which is going to be more expensive but I'd rather be poorer and know that DD is completely happy!! I wish we could afford to reduce my hours further at work but we are already taking a massive hit by going down to 4 days:((

Why not just look for another childminder who hasn't "had enough of it" and is a better fit for your daughter?

patchwork_cat

How old is she?

z.n

Well decided OP. Always trust your gut when it comes to small children. I think we pick up a lot subliminally. As to your OH not getting the same treatment.......quite common ime. One very difficult teacher at school (we left) would flirt outrageously with DH. It was fascinating to watch. I on the other hand got all sorts of petty complaints about DS. The best thing was when she saw us together....like Jekyll and Hyde.

notanewuser

patchwork_cat wrote: »

How old is she?

The child is 16 months (it's in the first post). Or did you mean the childminder..........?

fivetide

The crying when left is normal. My wee lad cried every single day when left at nursery.


Is this not an option? My lad wasn't the bravest with crowds of people so I can imagine being taken to a group where she hasn't had time to build up knowledge of the other kids would upset her.


Perhaps a more stable group would be better instead of being taken to place where there are other childminders/random children?


Just a thought. My lad got to know his group well and is still friends with one of them now, a few years after nursery finished.

RAS

climbthatwallseegar wrote: »

From my perspective I would say DD can be hard work as she is fairly clingy at the moment, takes a while to warm up to strangers but once she does she is absolutely fine. For example we went out for a meal on Saturday with friends who she hasn't met before. They have a toddler of the same age and when they arrived they sat down and chatted to me and then the dad gradually started playing peek a boo with DD. She laughed, giggled and had a whale of a time during the entire meal. The following day we went to meet another friend who she has never met before. He walked up to her and grabbed her hand and tried to take her out of her buggy. DD cried and pulled her hand away and was apprehensive towards him for the next few hours.

Hmm............

Do you really want your daughter wandering off with any man who grabs her hand?

Or do you want her to take time to find out if this person is safe and reliable, and someone of whom her parents approve?

She is learning to keep safe; support that discretion.

FBaby

I fail to comprehend how a CM with such an attitude could be a leader figures amongst local CM. She sounds absolutely awful and just completely clueless about looking after young children.

Regardless of her lack of capability, she comes across as someone who doesn't like your DD and her DD will inevitably feel it.

Don't dismiss nursery. I changed my boy from a CM to a nursery, and even though she was a great CM, he got so much more out of nursery than with her. However, I made sure to pick one who valued individuality over conformism, so I felt that his needs were taken into consideration even if it made things harder for them (ie, he continued to sleep in his pushchair being rocked by his care worker for his nap until he was ready to settle into a cot).

whitewing

She may well have been a brilliant childminder, and has got a well-deserved reputation but it sounds as though she has slipped a bit. I guess we all get a wake-up call occasionally. I wouldn't give her a second chance with my DD, but nor I would spread things around the local community. I would mention it to the health visitor though, if it isn't something you'd want to raise with ofsted.

GetOut

Wow, this is awful! Run a mile. It's emotional abuse and could be very scarring for your child.

I took my DS to a childminder for a few months at half terms. She told DS to walk two flights downstairs to a bathroom by himself in a museum where there were loads of people because she couldn't be bothered getting into a lift cause she had a pram. He was 5. Found out from DS a few weeks later, called CM and told her we'll never use her services again and was advised by solicitor to not pay her a penny notice since she failed her obligation - to keep my son safe. She had a cheek to email me an invoice but it of course got ignored and she never contacted again.

I called OFSTED and she got a formal warning from them that she'll have to show to all future clients by law.

CMs cannot always be trusted so please be careful and look for a new one asap. My DS has never been to one since.

Crabapple

From your more recent comment, it is very unprofessional of her to be complaining to you about the other children she looks after. If a child has been diagnosed with speech delay that is confidential medical information which is even worse.

All children when they start to talk are difficult to understand! It takes time and patience, even with your own, although parents tend to be more tuned in with them. If you work with children then you need to be taking that time.

Your child doesn't 'have a temper' either, btw, she's testing her boundaries, which again is perfectly normal for a child her age! Tantrums are standard and she's just working up to the proper toddler ones (sorry!).

I would suggest looking at nurseries as well as other childminders. It might not be a route you want to go down but you can at least see how things are done there and get some comparisons of what is available.