Do you tell your OH everything?

Spidernick

I tell my wife everything, except about my mistress, my obsessive gambling and !!!!!! addiction - and the fact that I once forgot to put the milk back in the fridge!

jackieblack

peachyprice wrote: »

Like I said earlier, I find it all a little juvenile.

I find it more juvenile that you would betray the trust of a friend just because you want to share the excitement/distress :cool:

balletshoes

blueneleh wrote: »

Hi,

I just wondered what your views are on whether you tell your OH everything?
More specifically, things that your friends have told you and asked you not to tell anyone else.

I have recently been told some BIG news by my best friend who has asked me not to tell anyone else yet (incl my OH) which I haven't done (and don't intend to as I promised her)
but feel really bad at not telling him as we usually tell each other everything. In the past it's always kind of been an unsaid rule with our friends that we tell our OH things.

I just wondered whether you all keep these kind of secrets from your OH too or not?

I would absolutely keep that secret and not tell my OH, no question. She's your best friend, she trusts you with her news and she has explicitly asked you not to tell anyone else, including your OH.

In answer to your general question, no, I don't tell my OH everything, we don't need to share our entire lives and their entire contents. We're still finding out things about each other, 15 years down the line - I like the surprise element .

Peter333

No, I wouldn't tell my wife (or anyone,) a secret that my friend had asked to keep to myself.

We don't keep anything from each other, and we share just about everything, (pretty much all our secrets,) but the thing is, if someone tells me their secret, then that is their secret, and not mine. So I would not share it with her (or anyone.)

But if a friend is just telling me stuff, and doesn't specifically ask me to keep it a secret, then I will discuss it with my wife.

I think to assume that your partner/wife/husband will not tell anyone, is very naive. I mean YOU are telling THEM after promising you wouldn't tell anyone, aren't you?

meritaten

No I don't tell him everything. I tell my DD everything! But, in my own defence if someone says 'Don't tell anyone but' - I do say 'Then don't tell me!'
sorry, but I feel if you don't want the world and his wife to know something - then you don't tell ANYONE!

onlyroz

meritaten wrote: »

No I don't tell him everything. I tell my DD everything! But, in my own defence if someone says 'Don't tell anyone but' - I do say 'Then don't tell me!'
sorry, but I feel if you don't want the world and his wife to know something - then you don't tell ANYONE!

Sometimes it can be therapeutic to share your deepest troubles with a friend. I'm seeing more and more that care must be taken over which friend you pick though - unless you really did want their husband/wife/mum/son/daughter/neighbour/colleague to know as well.

To all these people who consider their partners an extension of themselves just remember that your friends probably don't feel the same. And if you find your friends stop sharing their burdens with you then don't be surprised.

peachyprice

onlyroz wrote: »

Let's put it another way. If I was your friend you told me that you were in the habit of blabbing every secret you are told to your partner then I would know not to trust you with anything of importance. It would not matter to me how much you say you trust him, or if I've ever met him myself. If I have chosen to tell you something and I have asked you to keep it confidential then I would be upset if you betrayed that trust.

That's fine, I can live my life quite happily without the burden of other people's secrets.

Would you also share other confidential information e.g. relating to your job? Say you were a doctor or a social worker or a police officer or a lawyer? Would you blab to him about the cases you deal with? And if not why would it be any different to a friend trusting you to keep quiet?

That is something else entirely, you cannot compare sharing a friends secret with an OH to sharing confidential information you are legally obliged to protect.

Jagraf

peachyprice wrote: »

That's fine, I can live my life quite happily without the burden of other people's secrets.




That is something else entirely, you cannot compare sharing a friends secret with an OH to sharing confidential information you are legally obliged to protect.

I have to say, at least you are honest about your intentions and I commend that. I prefer a wider circle of commitment to people other than my OH, but that's my choice.

Lily-Rose_3

peachyprice wrote: »

That's fine, I can live my life quite happily without the burden of other people's secrets.

That is something else entirely, you cannot compare sharing a friends secret with an OH to sharing confidential information you are legally obliged to protect.

Out of curiosity, when your friends decide to entrust you with their deepest, darkest secrets, do you

A:

say 'please don't tell me, because I am rubbish at keeping secrets,'

OR

B:

do you sit there and let them tell you, promising to keep it a secret, but knowing full well, that you will tittle tattle it back to your OH and anyone else who will listen, at the first available opportunity.

I am willing to bet that it's 'B.'

Torry_Quine

onlyroz wrote: »

Let's put it another way. If I was your friend you told me that you were in the habit of blabbing every secret you are told to your partner then I would know not to trust you with anything of importance. It would not matter to me how much you say you trust him, or if I've ever met him myself. If I have chosen to tell you something and I have asked you to keep it confidential then I would be upset if you betrayed that trust.

Would you also share other confidential information e.g. relating to your job? Say you were a doctor or a social worker or a police officer or a lawyer? Would you blab to him about the cases you deal with? And if not why would it be any different to a friend trusting you to keep quiet?

It would never occur to me to say to someone that anything you tell me I will share with my husband unless you say otherwise. I would also presume that if I tell something to someone who is married they will tell their spouse unless I said otherwise. Is that really so unusual?

Confidentiality in a work setting is very different although I did discuss non-specifics.