Do you tell your OH everything?

Jagraf

foxymum1977 wrote: »

I tell my husband everything even if he's not interested haha
The friend would never know you've told him anyway,

Except if a couple split up. Which is just when you need your friends. I can imagine some exes going wild with information on friends.

marisco_2

blueneleh wrote: »

I just wondered whether you all keep these kind of secrets from your OH too or not?

I don't think it is right to keep anything from a partner, that has the potential to cause them upset, embarrassment or disappointment, once the truth from a friend comes out. I would also never remain silent if someone confided in me that they were having an affair. That would go against everything I stand for and believe in.

With anything else though I wouldn't break a friends confidence, respecting the fact that their news is not mine to share, and that they approached me to seek my perspective and support.

lostinrates

Jagraf wrote: »

Except if a couple split up. Which is just when you need your friends. I can imagine some exes going wild with information on friends.

When a friend of mine broke up a few years ago it was my husband who was most useful to her. He asked contacts who would be the best solicitor for her and helped her negotiate better terms. With his level head he gave her a cooler, calmer opinion on communication between her ex partner. And reminded her it was not just her girlfriends who thought she was better off.

Together we baby sat her child, declined to loan her money but to accept to cover a cost with no recompense, stored her stuff in our property, and so on and so on.

By my husband knowing what was happening and knowing he was happy to support her I was able to say in a rush ...yes, bring you stuff here now, quick knowing I had his full support, that SHE had his full support.

Jagraf

lostinrates wrote: »

When a friend of mine broke up a few years ago it was my husband who was most useful to her. He asked contacts who would be the best solicitor for her and helped her negotiate better terms. With his level head he gave her a cooler, calmer opinion on communication between her ex partner. And reminded her it was not just her girlfriends who thought she was better off.

Together we baby sat her child, declined to loan her money but to accept to cover a cost with no recompense, stored her stuff in our property, and so on and so on.

By my husband knowing what was happening and knowing he was happy to support her I was able to say in a rush ...yes, bring you stuff here now, quick knowing I had his full support, that SHE had his full support.

I meant the other way around. If a relationship breaks down between a couple and it was less than amicable, there would be potential for an ex to spill the beans.

lostinrates

Jagraf wrote: »

I meant the other way around. If a relationship breaks down between a couple and it was less than amicable, there would be potential for an ex to spill the beans.

Ah. I cannot comment. My DH has a lot of integrity and is honourable. He's probably pretty brave to trust me

Person_one

onlyroz wrote: »

I would prefer to be thought of as somebody that my friends could turn to for confidential help with their troubles but each to their own I suppose.

I don't think it's that simple though, just as you may be your friend's supporter and confidante when things are on her mind/troubling her, so your husband will likely be that to you.

If I told a friend something upsetting/serious that might affect them (emotionally or practically) I think I'd be fine with them using their support systems just as I'd used mine.

To your earlier point about working in jobs where confidentiality us required, it is generally understood that people in those jobs do get support from their partners and families, and that they talk about their jobs without identifying info.

Edwardia

If someone were to tell me not to tell OH I'd tell them not to tell me.

I don't keep secrets from OH. I haven't told him the minutiae of past relationships but if he wanted to know and had a good reason I would - he wouldn't be tryin to track em down lol.

OH does know the names of all my celebrity crushes - Cumberbatch isn't one of em.

maman

Edwardia wrote: »

OH does know the names of all my celebrity crushes - Cumberbatch isn't one of em.

Something I can agree on at last!!:D I think Cumberbatch looks really gormless, what do people see in him?

Jagraf

Swapping this round, who would tell their best mate a OH secret? I wouldn't do it either way, but surely if you are happy to tell your OH, you are happy to tell your best friend your OH secrets?

Or are some saying here that your OH secrets are more important than your best friend's secrets?

I'm just wondering how people work out whose secrets are worth keeping ....

pickledonionspaceraider

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