Do you tell your OH everything?

lostinrates

Jagraf wrote: »

Swapping this round, who would tell their best mate a OH secret? I wouldn't do it either way, but surely if you are happy to tell your OH, you are happy to tell your best friend your OH secrets?

Or are some saying here that your OH secrets are more important than your best friend's secrets?

I'm just wondering how people work out whose secrets are worth keeping ....

My husband's secrets are mine, ours. I'm simply not sharing information about us. Keeping our own counsel.

Which is the action a friend could choose too.

Of course I am thinking of all sorts of exceptions to this.


Honestly, I think the whole question is too vague without situation.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I've been single for most of my adult life and would be horrified if anything clearly stated as confidential had been discussed with whoever a coupled-up friend happened to be with at the time. Since I've been seeing someone, I've made a concerted effort to keep good contact with all my mates- seen too many become rubbish friends once they're loved up! I'd be devastated if people thought I wasn't a loyal friend and couldn't keep a secret. I expect my partner to respect their friends' confidence rather than feeling obliged to share absolutely everything with me.

I'm always quite shocked at those who gossip about other people's pregnancy before the 3 month scan. I absolutely keep my gob shut until it's public knowledge; if anything happened (miscarriage more common than people realise) I would feel like I'd jinxed it.

Torry_Quine

Jagraf wrote: »

Swapping this round, who would tell their best mate a OH secret? I wouldn't do it either way, but surely if you are happy to tell your OH, you are happy to tell your best friend your OH secrets?

Or are some saying here that your OH secrets are more important than your best friend's secrets?

I'm just wondering how people work out whose secrets are worth keeping ....

My husband is my best friend.

That aside though I don't think it's the same thing at all. It's not that his secrets are more important at all but more that I feel it wrong to keep things from him. If either of us had something we felt shouldn't be shared out with us then we would be talking about it between us who should know about it.

Lily-Rose_3

Torry_Quine wrote: »

My husband is my best friend.

That aside though I don't think it's the same thing at all. It's not that his secrets are more important at all but more that I feel it wrong to keep things from him. If either of us had something we felt shouldn't be shared out with us then we would be talking about it between us who should know about it.

But as someone said earlier: if someone entrusts you with a secret: it's not YOUR secret is is? So you are not keeping anything from him.

I find it strange when someone says their husband is their best friend. JMO.

Jagraf

Lily-Rose wrote: »

But as someone said earlier: if someone entrusts you with a secret: it's not YOUR secret is is? So you are not keeping anything from him.

I find it strange when someone says their husband is their best friend. JMO.

This is how I feel. Maybe because my first husband, who I was with for twenty years, was probably what I would have considered my best friend. Then we split and I needed my real best friends.

I am very happily married and my second husband is my 'soul mate', and I can compare and realise how much better he is than my first husband.

However, I also equally cherish my close friends. And will always keep it to myself if they tell me something in confidence.

I did notice when I split from my first husband just how much more stuff friends told me, though.

My friendship comes with just me, not me and OH. We have joint friends, and all meet up, but my really close best friends are mine.

Torry_Quine

Lily-Rose wrote: »

But as someone said earlier: if someone entrusts you with a secret: it's not YOUR secret is is? So you are not keeping anything from him.

I find it strange when someone says their husband is their best friend. JMO.

Why wouldn't my husband be my best friend? He is the one I turn to for all my problems before anyone else and that's always been like that. I've never really had a 'best friend'.

As I said if someone tells me something then unless they said don't tell your husband it would never occur to me not to.:o I can't remember ever being told not to tell him.

What is JMO?

maman

Torry_Quine wrote: »

What is JMO?

My best friend (Google) tells me it's internet speak for Just My Opinion.:)

lostinrates

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I find it strange when someone says their husband is their best friend. JMO.

I find it 'strange' when people say their mothers, daughters or siblings are their best friends....but it seems to work for some of them. While in some cases I think its dysfunctional in others it seems pretty healthy...just not something I empathise with. ( tbh I never get the parent child best friend thing, ever..)

Just because i find it strange doesn't mean I'm right though, or what works for me works for them.

.

Happier_Me

onlyroz wrote: »

If I had asked a friend to help me through some distressing marital troubles I would be upset to find that she referred to my difficulties as "Juicy info" and "gossip" to be salaciously shared with her husband.

I wasn't referring to the difficulties in her marriage as the 'juicy info'. Her marriage problems are the most recent issues she has had and I have been supportive through the goods times and the bad times. I do find the advice part of this quite hard, as I find myself agreeing with her whenever her opinion towards her marriage (can it be saved, can it not) changes. I am only hearing one side of the story afterall. So I tend to just listen without resorting to the 'He's done what! Divorce him!' response.

I have been married forever, whereas my friend has been single on and off throughout our friendship. She has a tendency to get herself into some interesting situations that she either needs to get off her chest, ask advice about or have a laugh over. She is fully aware that I tend to share most information with my hubby.

Prior to us having kids and my friend settling down with a couple of partners that we didn't gel with, she was good friends with my DH and she shared alot of this stuff with him as well as me.

If however she was to share some information with me that she asked me not to repeat to my husband then I would respect that. I can't think of anything she would want to withhold from him though.

I can keep a secret, I have and I would and I certainly would not feel guilty about it.

Happier_Me

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It would never occur to me to say to someone that anything you tell me I will share with my husband unless you say otherwise. I would also presume that if I tell something to someone who is married they will tell their spouse unless I said otherwise. Is that really so unusual?

Confidentiality in a work setting is very different although I did discuss non-specifics.

It wouldn't occur to me either. I work on the basis that my friends will share information I give them with their other halves. If I'm not comfortable with a husband knowing something I won't share the information, simple as that!