Do you tell your OH everything?

74jax

Jagraf wrote: »

Swapping this round, who would tell their best mate a OH secret? I wouldn't do it either way, but surely if you are happy to tell your OH, you are happy to tell your best friend your OH secrets?

Or are some saying here that your OH secrets are more important than your best friend's secrets?

I'm just wondering how people work out whose secrets are worth keeping ....

just the same as I posted that I hardly tell my oh anything so wouldn't share a secret with him, I wouldn't tell anyone else if he told me something secret either.

Hubby is no way my best friend, I understand some say their husbands/wives are, but in my case I have my amazing best friend, closer friend and hubby.

stimpy27

I abide by the simple rule... If I have to ask myself "is it a good idea to tell him"..... I don't!

thx1138

blueneleh wrote: »

Hi,

I just wondered what your views are on whether you tell your OH everything?
More specifically, things that your friends have told you and asked you not to tell anyone else.

I have recently been told some BIG news by my best friend who has asked me not to tell anyone else yet (incl my OH) which I haven't done (and don't intend to as I promised her) but feel really bad at not telling him as we usually tell each other everything. In the past it's always kind of been an unsaid rule with our friends that we tell our OH things.

I just wondered whether you all keep these kind of secrets from your OH too or not?

If anyone tells me anything, anything at all, big or small, they're telling it to my wife as well. Period. We are one person, and anyone who doesn't know that doesn't know me. Furthermore, my loyalty is to my wife, first and last. Primary consideration goes to my wife, first and last.

This is not a head-scratcher. Anyone who thinks it is doesn't know what love is and probably doesn't love their spouse.

Georgiegirl256

I tend to agree with this. My loyalty and primary consideration is with my husband, and so of anyone tells me something that could have (by me not mentioning something to him) a detrimental effect on our relationship, then they are not only telling me, they are telling him too.

I think person_one touched upon the fact that whereas a friend would see me as their support system, I see my husband as mine.

If it was something that could potentionally make a friend feel embarrassed in front of him if I shared what she told me with him such as say some lady problems or such like? Then no, I probably wouldn't share that piece of information as not only is it something that wouldn't impact our relationship, it's also something that he just wouldn't be interested in.

Obviously judging it's case on it's merit, but if it was a massive piece of information that if it came out in the future and would make him say "why didn't you tell me that?" if I hadn't mentioned it, then yes I probably would tell him.

In order of importance to me....my husband, then my friends? I fail to see how it could be the other way round?

jackieblack

thx1138 wrote: »

If anyone tells me anything, anything at all, big or small, they're telling it to my wife as well. Period. We are one person, and anyone who doesn't know that doesn't know me. Furthermore, my loyalty is to my wife, first and last. Primary consideration goes to my wife, first and last.

This is not a head-scratcher. Anyone who thinks it is doesn't know what love is and probably doesn't love their spouse.

:rotfl:
Oh dear..........

!!!!!!!!!!!!

lostinrates

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Obviously judging it's case on it's merit, but if it was a massive piece of information that if it came out in the future and would make him say "why didn't you tell me that?" if I hadn't mentioned it, then yes I probably would tell him.

In order of importance to me....my husband, then my friends? I fail to see how it could be the other way round?

The former paragraph I quoted was exactly what I mean by saying its sort of situational. Medical things, friend tiffs, minor troubles with work etc wouldn't necessarily be something I'd feel compromised over?


I might stop him trying to 'insist' on offering hospitality of some form on someone I knew couldn't have alcohol or fats or wheat or whatever, he's not quick to pick up on things like that so desperate is he to be hospitable . That's a sort of example. If I said Stop offering my previously cheese and biscuit loving and wine swilling friend unpasturised cheeses and wine he'd say Why?

maman

thx1138 wrote: »

If anyone tells me anything, anything at all, big or small, they're telling it to my wife as well. Period. We are one person, and anyone who doesn't know that doesn't know me. Furthermore, my loyalty is to my wife, first and last. Primary consideration goes to my wife, first and last.

This is not a head-scratcher. Anyone who thinks it is doesn't know what love is and probably doesn't love their spouse.

_pale_


Sounds like you left your own identity at the church door when you married.


Have you never thought of not telling your wife something to, say, protect her from worry?


I didn't realise such a simple, black and white world existed any more.

Jagraf

thx1138 wrote: »

If anyone tells me anything, anything at all, big or small, they're telling it to my wife as well. Period. We are one person, and anyone who doesn't know that doesn't know me. Furthermore, my loyalty is to my wife, first and last. Primary consideration goes to my wife, first and last.

This is not a head-scratcher. Anyone who thinks it is doesn't know what love is and probably doesn't love their spouse.

Whereas I respect your perspective, love is subjective and comes in all shapes and sizes. There isn't a checklist for who loves in the best way, we all love in out own ways.

As shown here, we all have different views as to what works, but I wouldn't say I love my OH better or worse than anyone loves theirs.

Jagraf

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

.....

In order of importance to me....my husband, then my friends? I fail to see how it could be the other way round?

I think divorce sometimes has an affect on your friends' importance - maybe not a crowd, but a few who have stood by you through the bad times. I won't go into it here, but I would have been in a different place had it not been for my friends, and I certainly wouldn't have been married to my second husband, who is adored.

I would place equal importance on my OH and one or two close friends. My DD,definitely comes before everyone though

jaylee3

thx1138 wrote: »

If anyone tells me anything, anything at all, big or small, they're telling it to my wife as well. Period. We are one person, and anyone who doesn't know that doesn't know me. Furthermore, my loyalty is to my wife, first and last. Primary consideration goes to my wife, first and last.

This is not a head-scratcher. Anyone who thinks it is doesn't know what love is and probably doesn't love their spouse.

I've heard if all now. :rotfl:

As someone said earlier in the thread, if your friend entrusts you with a secret, and you keep it to yourself, you are NOT keeping any secret from your husband or wife, because it is NOT your secret.

If your friend decides to tell you about a very personal issue (about his private parts for example,) why do you have to tell it to your wife? What the heck does it have to do with her?!

All sounds a bit odd to me. Are you scared of her reaction if she finds out you have 'kept a secret' from her? Frankly, I prefer to have a separate identity from my husband, and a few friends who he doesn't know very well, and doesn't socialise with. I don't have to live in my husband's pocket. I am not that insecure and needy.