Do you tell your OH everything?

FBaby

My husband is my best friend (never thought I would write this one day!), but even so, I don't tell him everything that my friends tell me, so if one told me not to say something to him, I would just see it as something else they told me that I didn't see the point of telling him. Like for instance, they might tell me that they are planning to go on holiday to the States next summer, not something I would share because he wouldn't care, so if the secret was that she had an abortion, I wouldn't see it as information more worthy of sharing, putting me in a dilemma of whether I am keeping a secret from him.

peachyprice

onlyroz wrote: »

If you were my friend and I knew that you'd told anybody something that I'd let you know in confidence then I certainly wouldn't tell you a single thing ever again.

But that's the point, it isn't 'anybody' it's my OH, I already said that.

And how would you even know?

jackieblack

peachyprice wrote: »

But it isn't 'anybody' it's my OH, I already said that.

But your OH is 'somebody', a person in his own right.......?

peachyprice wrote: »

And how would you even know

SO not the point......

peachyprice

jackieblack wrote: »

But your OH is 'somebody', a person in his own right.......?

Of course he is, but he's the person I share my life with. If a friend has such a big secret it's likely to be something amazing or something terrible, I would either want to share the excitement or the distress with him. Is that so awful?

SO not the point......

Onlyroz said she wouldn't tell me a secret again if she found out I'd told my OH, the point is she wouldn't find out because my OH isn't going to go around telling her secret to random strangers, or anyone for that matter.

Like I said earlier, I find it all a little juvenile.

Mojisola

blueneleh wrote: »

I have recently been told some BIG news by my best friend who has asked me not to tell anyone else yet (incl my OH)

peachyprice wrote: »

Of course he is, but he's the person I share my life with. If a friend has such a big secret it's likely to be something amazing or something terrible, I would either want to share the excitement or the distress with him. Is that so awful?

It is if you promised your friend that you wouldn't tell your OH - as in the first post.

peachyprice

Mojisola wrote: »

It is if you promised your friend that you wouldn't tell your OH - as in the first post.

I can't say I've ever been asked that, but I don't think I would want to know her secret if it came with that condition.

Darn, I don't suppose I'll be getting many PM's with people telling me their deepest darkest secrets now

Jagraf

peachyprice wrote: »

But that's the point, it isn't 'anybody' it's my OH, I already said that.

And how would you even know?

But, your husband may only be as special to you, as anyone I choose to be as special to me. That could be a friend, a daughter, my mother, the shop keeper I trust. The thing is, if you are asked not to tell anyone, you choose to either honour that, or betray someone's trust. You can't justify it. It's like trying to prove you're eating an apple when the fact is you're eating a banana.

Jagraf

peachyprice wrote: »

I can't say I've ever been asked that, but I don't think I would want to know her secret if it came with that condition.

Darn, I don't suppose I'll be getting many PM's with people telling me their deepest darkest secrets now

I have sooooooo many girly friends secrets that I would never tell my hubby. And I bet he has loads too. Does your husband trust you not to tell your best friend something if he tells you in confidence?

onlyroz

peachyprice wrote: »

Of course he is, but he's the person I share my life with. If a friend has such a big secret it's likely to be something amazing or something terrible, I would either want to share the excitement or the distress with him. Is that so awful?


Onlyroz said she wouldn't tell me a secret again if she found out I'd told my OH, the point is she wouldn't find out because my OH isn't going to go around telling her secret to random strangers, or anyone for that matter.

Like I said earlier, I find it all a little juvenile.

Let's put it another way. If I was your friend you told me that you were in the habit of blabbing every secret you are told to your partner then I would know not to trust you with anything of importance. It would not matter to me how much you say you trust him, or if I've ever met him myself. If I have chosen to tell you something and I have asked you to keep it confidential then I would be upset if you betrayed that trust.

Would you also share other confidential information e.g. relating to your job? Say you were a doctor or a social worker or a police officer or a lawyer? Would you blab to him about the cases you deal with? And if not why would it be any different to a friend trusting you to keep quiet?

Happier_Me

I tell my husband most things as long as its of interest to him and my best friend (which is the source of most of the juicy info) knows this. She has had some ups and downs in her marriage and I get to hear about most of it. But although my DH likes a bit of gossip he doesn't see my friend very often nor is he friends with her DH. That would certainly change what I shared with my hubby.

The most recent bit of news from my friend is good news. She's been promoted and had a pay rise of £5,000. Her DH thinks her payrise is closer to £1k though. I would never consider withholding this sort of info from my hubby but I can understand why she does this sort of thing. They are working their way out of debt and he is a big spender.