Do you tell your OH everything?

lostinrates

blueneleh wrote: »

Hi,

I just wondered what your views are on whether you tell your OH everything?
More specifically, things that your friends have told you and asked you not to tell anyone else.

I have recently been told some BIG news by my best friend who has asked me not to tell anyone else yet (incl my OH) which I haven't done (and don't intend to as I promised her) but feel really bad at not telling him as we usually tell each other everything. In the past it's always kind of been an unsaid rule with our friends that we tell our OH things.

I just wondered whether you all keep these kind of secrets from your OH too or not?

If friends or relatives say to me don't tell DH I say ' you might want to consider the nature of what you are telling me then' . There are positions I might not want to be put in. Most times people go ahead absolutely regardless in my experience.

Its happened a few times to DH too, and he's done much the same on at least some occasions because he's called me so I hear about the situation from him. Of course I cannot know if he has respected their wishes on other occasions. If he has I would trust it would be for good reason and not to my detriment.

However, I wouldn't tell him if his family were preparing a nice surprise for him, or what his presents were. We're a team, I will not conspire against him, I don't usually need to fight battles without him, but he doesn't need to know everything. The ins and outs of a friend's life , especially if its my friend and there is no social or potential business impact...not a concern of his. Surprise parties/ visits.....I'm not a goblin to go around ruining surprises.

lazer

My mum once said to me you shouldn't tell a married friend anything you wouldn't be happy with her telling her husband, as you can't expect people to keep secrets from their OH.

rach_k

I tend to treat couples as one person where secrets are concerned and I would expect my friends to do the same, so if I tell a friend something I would generally be happy that she would tell her husband. If a friend specifically asked me not to share something with my husband I would, of course, respect that and I would expect them to do the same for me as long as it wasn't something that would negatively affect OH. I would also expect my husband to do the same with his friends - I don't want him to break confidences just so he can say he tells me everything.

Mostly secrets to keep from the OH would be "don't tell him but we've got him X for Christmas" or something very personal that he probably wouldn't be very interested in anyway. If, however, it was somebody who might tell me something I would feel conflicted about, when they started with "Don't tell your OH but..." I would stop them and ask them to consider if they really wanted to tell me. I can't particularly envision it happening but if a friend told me a secret that might hurt OH e.g. "Don't tell your OH but he has no chance of getting that job cos it's already been given away", I would tell him because he comes first.

Gra76

If someone tells me something 'in confidence' then it stays 'in confidence', regardless of OH asking for juicy details I just plead ignorance. She's got a gob on her like you wouldn't believe! If I told her something which I'd been asked to keep to myself it would be round the entire village and beyond before the day was out as she can't keep anything to herself!

onlyroz

Unless there was a very good reason not to, I'd keep any secret that I was asked. I also don't casually tell any news that was not specifically described as being secret.

My mum, on the other hand, will relay anything that I tell her to my brother and to my aunt, however personal. I know that she must do this because she tells me about all of my brother's intimate medical issues despite me saying that it's probably not appropriate for her to do so. As a result I've started being cautious about the sorts of things that I tell her.

As an example, my mum found out that my cousin had epilepsy but that she hadn't told her grandmother. My mum made it clear to me that she thought her grandmother should know and was going to tell her - I said that it really wasn't any of her business and that any such news should come from my cousin when she was ready to do so. I can't really blame her for wanting to keep it to herself because her grandmother has a habit of blabbing to absolutely everybody about everything.

74jax

blueneleh wrote: »

Hi,

I just wondered what your views are on whether you tell your OH everything?
More specifically, things that your friends have told you and asked you not to tell anyone else.

I have recently been told some BIG news by my best friend who has asked me not to tell anyone else yet (incl my OH) which I haven't done (and don't intend to as I promised her) but feel really bad at not telling him as we usually tell each other everything. In the past it's always kind of been an unsaid rule with our friends that we tell our OH things.

I just wondered whether you all keep these kind of secrets from your OH too or not?

No I don't tell OH everything, in fact i hardly tell him anything :rotfl: not to keep it a 'secret' as you put it, just in a 'why would I tell him' kind of way.

What type of thing is is it about? Does it involve him?

I'm trying to think what i do actually tell him (out of things I talk to others about - and it is genuinly very little).

blueneleh

Thanks for all your replies.

Just to clarify, I'm not going to tell my OH my friends secret as I made a promise to her and wouldn't break that, I just wondered what you do in your relationships that's all.

My friend actually told me the news first then asked me not to say anything.

blueneleh

Gra76 wrote: »

If someone tells me something 'in confidence' then it stays 'in confidence', regardless of OH asking for juicy details I just plead ignorance. She's got a gob on her like you wouldn't believe! If I told her something which I'd been asked to keep to myself it would be round the entire village and beyond before the day was out as she can't keep anything to herself!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

peachyprice

I do also think it depends on the circles you keep.

Some couples have a very couply social life where they all go out together in pairs, we are not at all like that, I have my friends he has his, we don't have any couples where they are both friends of both of us.

If I told my OH a secret about my closest friends he wouldn't have anyone to pass the secret on to so it would go no futher. I could see that might not be the case if he was friends with other friends OH's.

onlyroz

peachyprice wrote: »

If I told my OH a secret about my closest friends he wouldn't have anyone to pass the secret on to so it would go no futher. I could see that might not be the case if he was friends with other friends OH's.

I'm not sure you should blab a secret with the justification that you trust the person you're blabbing to.