Money Moral Dilemma: Why won't my girlfriend ever pay on our dates?

Peter333

ttoli wrote: »

The detail is from the Original thread ; https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5099304

There's nothing about flouting convention , She's a Greek Cypriot and I'm English ( Moved here in 2005 ).

What happened in the end then? I missed it. Did you talk to her?

gaving7095

I think it depends on:
- How many dates you've had. The man paying for the first 5 or so sets good form & shows that he's serious. After that, I think most ladies would start *wanting* to pay, at least half.
- Cultural background and age. The older generation do think differently, back in the day having a lady pay for you was very much NOT "the done thing". The cultural aspects have already been covered by other posters.
- How well off you are. You say that you are comfortably off. Also that you're seeing each other very regularly. So, some of the dates by now can surely be nights at home with a DVD & home-cooked meal? Which is both nice, and cheap :-)
But if you are well off enough to afford it then why complain.

EDIT: I just read above that O.P. has "had the talk" & it's all worked out well. Good on him :-) A relationship worth staying in has to be one where both parties are not afraid of being honest with each other.

Ebenezer_Screwj

Right. You need to test the water here to see if she really cares for you or is just using you. Start taking her to a few low dives and scale down the food aspect to pub grub or even just drinks. If she cuts your benefits (if any) or even complains about the less lavish nights out, just explain that your budget doesn’t run to constant high living and might she not consider paying on every other date. If you get a frosty response to this, then the writing is on the wall. In these days of equality, women can’t have it both ways.

lesbro

Why not suggest a night in at yours (or even better Hers) and then ask her to provide one course. Say that you are finding it expensive to go out all the time. Anybody expecting to go out every day is taking you for a mug.:exclamati

paul_k

I would dump her,she is using you.
I have stopped dating now as I am not prepared to pay for everything.It should be 50/50

I have chosen to spend my money on my kids (all over 18)
and granchildren.
I have bought them cars,tvs,vacs,tumble dryers,food,washing machines,laptops,cookers,hobs,kettles,toasters,microwaves,plus numerous stuff.
I have lost count now.
They never ask for anything,I am widowed and my kids were very young when my wife died (around 9 11 13 years old)
so perhaps I am doing my bit in helping them.
I get more from this than anything in the world and will only feel that any girl friend would be robbing them now ! I also manage the child trust funds for my grandchildren and have turned £250 into £700 to date.

JayD

Why are you always going out? Don't you ever fancy a night in snuggling? And hasn't she offered to entertain you at her place with a meal?

It seems to me that you are being a bit over enthisiastic and she is happy to sit back and let you spoil her. So stop offering to take her out all the time and just invite her back to yours for an evening in with a dvd and when she comes , provide some snacks and ask her how good a cook she is - hopefully she will get the hint and offer to cook you a meal instead of all this expensive dining out.

If all that puts her off, then I think it would suggest that she is into your wallet much more than she is into you.

Good luck.

Talent

Only you can know if the stuation is 'worth it' and I don't mean in a sexist or even a sexual way....

MCsound2

When my girlfriend and I go on holiday, we both put the same amount of money in our joint account, and then I "take us for dinner". So we are using our joint money but I feel like I am taking her out, and she feels like she is being taken out so everyone wins

Flossie.

justme111 wrote: »

Well , the aim is not to break hearts I hope ?:)
Actually treat them mean keep them keen approach may work. Well , probably not in the previous poster case as he would not be in that good shape with that chippy /freezer diet and spending evenings with movies
Although if he was after someone similar it could match .

That HAS never and WILL never work with me.

I don't enjoy being with a man who treats me like poo.

I have genuinely never quite understood women who DO like be with men who treat them this way.

Lily-Rose_3

MCsound2 wrote: »

When my girlfriend and I go on holiday, we both put the same amount of money in our joint account, and then I "take us for dinner". So we are using our joint money but I feel like I am taking her out, and she feels like she is being taken out so everyone wins

:whistle: ...