Splitting the bill /taking turns to pay ??

ttoli

Hope that someone can offer constructive advice

I met someone 3 Weeks ago , seeing each other virtually every other day and feelings for both of us are running high , BUT ! , when we go out to Dinner/Cinema etc, It's always me paying , what I'm asking for I guess is subtle ways of dropping the hint , that just occaisionally I'd like her to say ," I'll get this" (without actually pointing this out and hurting her feelings).
We're both financially comfortable with no mortgage etc , tonight for example , Dinner and Cinema 60 Euros ,which I paid then late night Coffee , 5 Euros which she offered to pay.
Any advice ???


Thank you

DUTR

ttoli wrote: »

Hope that someone can offer constructive advice

I met someone 3 Weeks ago , seeing each other virtually every other day and feelings for both of us are running high , BUT ! , when we go out to Dinner/Cinema etc, It's always me paying , what I'm asking for I guess is subtle ways of dropping the hint , that just occaisionally I'd like her to say ," I'll get this" (without actually pointing this out and hurting her feelings).
We're both financially comfortable with no mortgage etc , tonight for example , Dinner and Cinema 60 Euros ,which I paid then late night Coffee , 5 Euros which she offered to pay.
Any advice ???


Thank you

Investing the the opposite gender is always a bad investment, the better person, can manage to pay their own way, it's nothing to do with being the man, it's the 21st century :eek:
Me? I make it clear about that, rather be single than be mugged off.

jaylee3

Hmmmm I have to echo DUTR. I think it's sweet and gentlemanly and chivalrous for a man to offer to pay for the first date. (Old fashioned me. ) However, the reality is that we live in a land of equal opportunities in the 21st century, and many (single/childfree) women work. So realistically, women should share the costs of things in this day and age. In the early part of a relationship (when you're just boyfriend/girlfriend) for sure.

I think this is a very bad omen that she isn't paying for much, and it sounds very much like she is taking you for a ride.

It is a VERRRRY difficult one isn't it? How can you say 'let's go dutch' without sounding tight or mean???

Maybe suggest that you take it in turns to pay for dinner???

And 60 Euros (about 50 quid) every other day?!!! :eek: You will be bankrupt within 3 months!

Person_one

I do wonder how you can have such a good knowledge of someone's finances when you've known them three weeks!

Homeownertobe

Person_one wrote: »

I do wonder how you can have such a good knowledge of someone's finances when you've known them three weeks!

Maybe they talk? That's generally what happens on dates.:)

duchy

How often are you going out ?(I get you are seeing each other every other day but is this dinner, cinema, coffee or what every time ?

Did you accept her offer to pay for coffee or just say- "It's fine it's your treat next time we go out . Where are you taking me ?"

duchy

Person_one wrote: »

I do wonder how you can have such a good knowledge of someone's finances when you've known them three weeks!

Do you ?
Seeing someone every other day for three weeks is roughly ten dates - Doesn't sound unreasonable. How many dates does it take you usually ?

Alikay

Next time you go out, why don't you say something along the lines of "I'm getting through quite a lot of cash at the moment - why don't you come and watch a DVD at my place/lets just go for a walk instead?". Has she had you over for meals or anything like that? Sometimes women are more comfortable with that rather than paying, particularly if she's an older lady who was previously used to her husband dealing with paying the bill when they went out.

FBaby

That would ring alarm bells to me! She has never offered at all, even if you've insisted. How many times are we talking about?

If she has financial issues, which is very much possible, I would have expected that at least after the second or third time, she would have suggested doing something that didn't involve costs, saying something that she would love to contribute, but she is saving every single penny etc....

Someone who is happy to be dined and wined and shows no intention to contribute could very well be someone high maintenance.... I wouldn't give hints (you shouldn't have to), but keep an eye on other signs of what might be attrative her to you.

Solsol

My now hubby and I always used to take it turns to pay on dates although he would usually insist on paying most of the time.

How times have changed - I now seem to pay every time we go out as he conveniently forgets his wallet!!

I like the above post about suggesting an evening in or say something like - "I bet you're an awesome cook I'd love to try your cooking sometime" flattery will no doubt go a long way!

bagpussbear

When you arrange each date, how do you put it? If it's something like I'd like to take you to see xyz film, or I'd like to take you for coffee etc etc then it wouldn't be a surprise if she thought that you should pay, after all it's you asking her out.

People can be so quick to assume she is might be high maintenance, but without knowing anything about the woman, we can't judge that. For all we know, she may have been married for years and her ex hubby paid for everything and she thinks that's still the way things have done?

Or you may be too quick to offer to pay, not giving her a chance to speak up, and she herself is embarrassed to raise it?



In the past (as I'm married now!) if a man asked me out then I would expect him to pay. However, if I asked someone out, then I would expect to pay for them.

However, if you are going places by mutual arrangement then by now she should have at least offered to pay her half, or treat you.

If you go to see a film, perhaps just ask for your own entrance ticket, and then she will have to pay her own when she sees you only have yours?

When a restaurant bill comes, work it through and say ok that works out as £22 each. Makes it clear, without being blunt, that the bill is shared.

Arrange some dates which are free, eg. cosy night in with a dvd etc.