Splitting the bill /taking turns to pay ??

Georgiegirl256

bagpussbear wrote: »

When you arrange each date, how do you put it? If it's something like I'd like to take you to see xyz film, or I'd like to take you for coffee etc etc then it wouldn't be a surprise if she thought that you should pay, after all it's you asking her out.

People can be so quick to assume she is might be high maintenance, but without knowing anything about the woman, we can't judge that. For all we know, she may have been married for years and her ex hubby paid for everything and she thinks that's still the way things have done?

Or you may be too quick to offer to pay, not giving her a chance to speak up, and she herself is embarrassed to raise it?

Exactly. Without knowing what the OP says and does, it's hard to say whether she's taking him for a ride or just feels awkward with money matters?

Maybe the OP has been saying things that insinuate he is happy to pay and that it's his treat. If he's already said something like "I'll get those tickets for the cinema" but is waiting for her to offer, then she's probably not going to offer if he's insisting (but wishing that she'd pay really) everytime.

It's only been 3 weeks. Things are still in that awkward getting to know you stage. Maybe she's of the old fashioned type who thinks that she'd better not say anything incase she offends the OP by offering to pay? Maybe she is one of those women who expects a man to pay for everything? Who knows? It's very early days yet.

Just tell her you're abit short of cash OP, or suggest going somewhere that doesn't cost money....you'll soon see her true intentions.

ttoli

Solsol wrote: »

I like the above post about suggesting an evening in or say something like - "I bet you're an awesome cook I'd love to try your cooking sometime" flattery will no doubt go a long way!

Thanks , I have dropped the hint to no avail .

DUTR

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Exactly. Without knowing what the OP says and does, it's hard to say whether she's taking him for a ride or just feels awkward with money matters?

Maybe the OP has been saying things that insinuate he is happy to pay and that it's his treat. If he's already said something like "I'll get those tickets for the cinema" but is waiting for her to offer, then she's probably not going to offer if he's insisting (but wishing that she'd pay really) everytime.

It's only been 3 weeks. Things are still in that awkward getting to know you stage. Maybe she's of the old fashioned type who thinks that she'd better not say anything incase she offends the OP by offering to pay? Maybe she is one of those women who expects a man to pay for everything? Who knows? It's very early days yet.

Just tell her you're abit short of cash OP, or suggest going somewhere that doesn't cost money....you'll soon see her true intentions.

TBH if she is the old fashioned type, then she should be preparing a meal and not leaving the kitchen! Ok a bit harsh, but it's a poor opt out.
Unless it's a birthday or some occasion, then at least not offering to contribute each other's own half is just disrespectful.
Then leave it to the other to offer to collect the tab, as the OP is commenting on it, then I don't believe they are 100% content with the feed back at present.
Whether male or female, if they are allergic to putting thier contribution, you can put a fair wager on they will nearly always be on the take.

Flossie.

I think that you are going to have to suggest some cosy nights in with a dvd then ttoli. Just say to her that you're trying to save for a new tv/new car/holiday/parents big or special birthday, and you can't really go out for a while.

This is definitely awkward. As some have suggested, it could simply be that she has grown up/been brought up with traditional values (and this includes men paying for everything!!) Or she could just be a user. We don't know, as we don't know her, and you haven't said much about her. Is she young? Older? Has she been married before?

You say she is financially comfortable? And has no mortgage. So is she a career woman? Has she bought her house herself? Was she married and the house was an asset she ended up keeping?

We don't know enough about her to make an accurate judgement or give sound advice.

Other than saying that you don't want to go out unless she pays half the time, there seems little you can do. I can't imagine some women being impressed by hearing that though LOL. Even though it's a perfectly reasonable thing to say, as it would make things more fair.

duchy

I don't know too much about Cypriot customs but certainly my Turkish sister in law had some very traditional ideas about this kind of stuff (noting the OP is in Kyrenia)

Buzzybee90

Are you inviting her out or not? 60 euros for cinema and dinner for 2 is cheap as a side point!!

Peter333

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Are you inviting her out or not? 60 euros for cinema and dinner for 2 is cheap as a side point!!

It's not cheap when it's one person paying for it, and they're doing it potentially half a dozen times a month! I certainly wouldn't be putting up with that. The woman is supposedly mortgage free, and well off financially (according to the OP,) and yet she is merrily letting him pay all the time.

Disgraceful behaviour. And very rude. I would be mentioning it to her if I were the OP. It's wholly unjust and unfair that he is paying ALL the time.

I can imagine the replies on here if the OP was a woman and it was a MAN letting her pay for everything continually, even though he was very solvent. It would be 'kick his backside out!' ' He is a worthless loser who doesn't deserve a strong and independent woman like you!' 'He's a bum, a degenerate, pondscum!' LOL, yes the answers would be quite different then!

Buzzybee90

Peter333 wrote: »

It's not cheap when it's one person paying for it, and they're doing it potentially half a dozen times a month! I certainly wouldn't be putting up with that. The woman is supposedly mortgage free, and well off financially (according to the OP,) and yet she is merrily letting him pay all the time.

Disgraceful behaviour. And very rude. I would be mentioning it to her if I were the OP. It's wholly unjust and unfair that he is paying ALL the time.

I can imagine the replies on here if the OP was a woman and it was a MAN letting her pay for everything continually, even though he was very solvent. It would be 'kick his backside out!' ' He is a worthless loser who doesn't deserve a strong and independent woman like you!' 'He's a bum, a degenerate, pondscum!' LOL, yes the answers would be quite different then!

You've sort of run with my side point about prices in Cyprus being good on this example and had a weird rant.

Angry_Bear

Peter333 wrote: »

I can imagine the replies on here if the OP was a woman and it was a MAN letting her pay for everything continually, ... LOL, yes the answers would be quite different then!

Are you reading the same thread as me? None of the replies here seem to think it's acceptable, and they generally seem to be quite balanced (much as I think I remember from the last thread I saw as you describe).

bagpussbear wrote: »

... if a man asked me out then I would expect him to pay. However, if I asked someone out, then I would expect to pay for them.
....
When a restaurant bill comes, work it through and say ok that works out as £22 each. Makes it clear, without being blunt, that the bill is shared.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

...
Just tell her you're abit short of cash OP, or suggest going somewhere that doesn't cost money....you'll soon see her true intentions.

DUTR wrote: »

Unless it's a birthday or some occasion, then at least not offering to contribute each other's own half is just disrespectful.
...
Whether male or female, if they are allergic to putting thier contribution, you can put a fair wager on they will nearly always be on the take.

FBaby wrote: »

That would ring alarm bells to me! She has never offered at all, even if you've insisted. How many times are we talking about? ...
Someone who is happy to be dined and wined and shows no intention to contribute could very well be someone high maintenance....

jaylee3 wrote: »

I think this is a very bad omen that she isn't paying for much, and it sounds very much like she is taking you for a ride.

DUTR wrote: »

Me? I make it clear about that, rather be single than be mugged off.

Georgiegirl256

DUTR wrote: »

TBH if she is the old fashioned type, then she should be preparing a meal and not leaving the kitchen! Ok a bit harsh, but it's a poor opt out.
Unless it's a birthday or some occasion, then at least not offering to contribute each other's own half is just disrespectful.
Then leave it to the other to offer to collect the tab, as the OP is commenting on it, then I don't believe they are 100% content with the feed back at present.
Whether male or female, if they are allergic to putting thier contribution, you can put a fair wager on they will nearly always be on the take.

I totally agree with you. Each person should contribute or at least offer to contribute half of the cost of the date.

What I mean by old fashioned type is that she's maybe thinking the OP is being chivalrous and wouldn't want to offend him by declining his offer of payment? But yes, she should at least offer.

But I agree with Flossie, we don't know enough about her to make an informed decision really. She could have old fashioned values? She might think the OP has old fashioned values and doesn't want to offend him? She quite possibly is just on the make? I'm sure it'll all come out soon enough.