Money Moral Dilemma: Why won't my girlfriend ever pay on our dates?

happy_to_be_here

I think you're being had mate! My boyfriend insisted on paying for the first couple of dates (I offered) and then I had to explain to him I felt uncomfortable with him always paying. Now we take it in turns or split the cost e.g I get the cinema tickets and he gets dinner.

Manc47

It's nice to be treated but she shouldn't expect you to pay every time , you should have set out some ground rules at the beginning.

shoeaddict2310

Ok seems everyones been a bit !!!!!y about this one.. maybe she was raised with traditional old fashioned Values where the guy pays for dates. Not everyone is a gold digger i think if your unhappy paying for everything you need to be straight forward about it and just talk to her, no tricks or lies or hints just lay it all out calmly.. im a go halves girl myself but if the guy felt strongly that he should pay i wouldnt be offended or think its sexist so hopefully the reverse will be true for your lady... good luck...

duchy

What a pity the original post was edited in such a misleading way.

The fact that the girlfriend has a very different cultural background was edited out (as was the fact the OP also doesn't live in Britain either) .

Leaving a very arrogant expectation that the rest of the world should have the same cultural values as those in Britain. Looking at the abysmal divorce rate in Britain why would "our way" be promoted versus a culture with a much better rate of successful marriages ?

Once again a very lazy Money Moral Dilemma

enterek22

I do agree with you, she should pay sometimes. Tell her that for your next date you have to go or do something that doesn't cost much money as you cannot afford to go out until pay day. If she likes you she will offer to pay. Good luck

zombielover

I've been with my partner since university for over 5 years now. We go out twice a month and i always pay. We're now married so all money is shared anyway but i let her pay once and i felt like a failure of a man. I like to treat my little lady as it makes me feel good that i can. What's wrong with paying? If you don't think she's worth it then say something.

Gloomendoom

zombielover wrote: »

I've been with my partner since university for over 5 years now. We go out twice a month and i always pay. We're now married so all money is shared anyway but i let her pay once and i felt like a failure of a man.

Are you serious? I must be a miserable excuse for a male then.

It's something that I never even think about. With us, it's usually down to whose wallet/purse is the easiest to reach. It's joint money so it makes no difference who actually hands the dosh over.

heartbreak_star

zombielover wrote: »

I've been with my partner since university for over 5 years now. We go out twice a month and i always pay. We're now married so all money is shared anyway but i let her pay once and i felt like a failure of a man. I like to treat my little lady as it makes me feel good that i can. What's wrong with paying? If you don't think she's worth it then say something.

Little lady? Ugh. If I was married, I'd divorce my husband if he had this attitude.

Each to their own but...*shudders*

OP, I'd tell her you can't think of any more places to go on dates so she can choose the next one and buy the tickets.

HBS x

lovemystudentloan

I had a 'friend' who always forgot her purse. The more I 'helped her out' the more I got used. She even scrounged some strawberry plants from our garden, not a big deal as they grow like weeds, but my husband took the time to dig up 22 for her, he even potted them so she could replant them at her leisure. Do you think she said thanks? Do you think she said 'that was nice of him? No. She said 'My strawberries are frazzled' every time I saw her for a month. How the hell d'you make a friendship out of that? We're not friends anymore. Ditch the user.

Cookie1986

In answer to the question “Do women really still expect men to pay ALL the time?” The answer is No, not if they are interested in building a long and lasting relationship.

I don’t think it is entirely fair to say the person you are dating is a gold digger etc because I don’t feel that you can judge a person based on one paragraph. We don’t know what has been said on the dates and how the relationship has developed.

Obviously you would not be asking if this did not give you doubts; so I would take the advice of some of the others and tell her nicely that you can’t afford to pay for both of you on the next date, if she likes you she will not mind, if she is using you then at least you will know now and you can move on and find somebody better.