Money Moral Dilemma: Why won't my girlfriend ever pay on our dates?

Gizasmum

I've been married for 32 years and started going out with my husband almost 36 years ago to the day. Right from the off we have always gone Dutch on meals and each of us buys a round, whether it's just the two of us or we're in company. In fact we lose out as often as not the other couples usually buy only buy one round to our two. But hey ho, that's just the way it is. The only time that things differ is when it's one of our birthdays. In that case we still go halvers on the meal and any drinks in the pub, but the birthday boy or girl pays for the wine with the meal. We have a joint account, with each of us put the same proportion of our earnings into it, keeping the remainder for ourselves to spend as we like. We do buy treats and gifts for each other on a whim, and always are quite lavish with our gifts at birthdays and Xmas as we don't have any children. Neither of us has ever expected the other to pay for everything, as is the way it should be.

tallgirld

HA HA! Some women expect men to pay all the time but not all women.

Let her suggest where you go next time then you can drop "Are you treating me then or shall we go halves?"

If she looks horrified at the suggestion then consider dumping her!

NAR

She is a selfish, get all she can cow. Drop her like a stone and when she asks why - tell her straight!

alixandrea

Really simple. I haven't read all the replies, but I'm surprised I didn't see this response on the first page. If things are going really well and you think this relationship has the potential to be something special, then you need to calmly, gently and assertively state your case and ask if she might think about paying towards dates. It's entirely possible - especially if there's a cultural difference - that she feels too embarrassed to say anything, or is letting things go on as they are because she thinks you like to be 'The Man' and treat her on every occasion.

Setting up open and honest discussions about money now is a great way to see whether this relationship truly has lasting power. If she really does turn out to be a gold-digger, then you'll have had a lucky escape before putting too much of yourself (and your money) into the relationship.

Alixandrea

gloriouslyhappy

chambta wrote: »

Bin her off.

Wow, have you never heard of talking things over? I feel sorry for someone whose world is so black-and-white, nothing is ever that straightforward!

gloriouslyhappy

NAR wrote: »

She is a selfish, get all she can cow. Drop her like a stone and when she asks why - tell her straight!

Sigh - read the posts, then maybe you'll soften that harsh stance a little As I said before, nothing is ever that straightforward!

epm-84

The idea of a man paying for dates relates from when women were treated as inferior to men. If women don't want to be treated that way then under normal circumstances they shouldn't always expect the man to pay.

epm-84

Fizzymartini wrote: »

OK, I'm going to be totally inflammatory here and say yes, "in this day and age" you're totally right, we should all be equal, especially when both are working. But the fact is, we're not. The gender pay gap is all over the news - yesterday marked the day where, effectively, all women are now working for free, while men are paid up to the end of the year.

Obviously personal circumstances vary. But why should everyone be "equal" only when it suits?

While I don't think it's acceptable for there to be a gender pay gap (and unfortunately in a minority of cases there is a genuine unfair gender gap), a lot of flawed arguments get put forward to make things look much worse than they actually are.

For instance, a story came to light recently about Asda shop workers earning less than distribution centre workers. These are two different roles and both men and women work in both roles. The male shop workers are paid the same as the female shop workers and the male distribution centre workers are paid the same as the female ones but the number of female distribution centre workers is low. If the women in the shops think they are being paid badly and the distribution centre jobs aren't any more highly skilled than the jobs they already do, then they should apply for jobs in the distribution centres if they want to boost their earnings.

dickavis

If feelings, as you say, are running high, don't ruin what may well be a good thing by being too heavy handed. Any suggestion that it is her turn to pay will be received as suggesting firstly that you think she is only with you till the money runs out, secondly that she isn't worth the expense, and thirdly that these notions have been festering in your head for a while. Just play it cool and suggest that your next date is somewhere cheaper as you're feeling slightly broke. You don't need to be obvious about it, just say something like ' can we go to xxxx restaurant tonight instead of yyyy, as it's a bit cheaper?'. If she thinks you're accusing her of spending your money, you'll need to be a bit cute in calming her down, but if things are fine between you that shouldn't be difficult. If she disappears then you know she was a gold-digger, but if she is a good'un she'll offer to pay. You can then play your ace, which is to let her pay, but insist that you still go to the cheaper restaurant, showing how considerate you are. The best girls get their kicks by giving their fellas a treat now and then.

krakan

MSE_Joanne wrote: »

We're both financially comfortable with no mortgage.

Then get over yourself?