Moving in together but losing benefits

jaylee3

Miss_Riot wrote: »

The worry is that it could be some time before I'm able to get myself back to work. He has been honest about everything and we've talked about me being responsible for bills and his pay check going straight to me. So we wouldn't have any financial connection with a joint account or anything. We wouldn't be moving before January at the earliest so we will have been together for not far off a year. I've spent a lot of time with him since we met and if the tenancy agreement is in my name I've got all the rights over the place.

I agree with the majority here. It's not a good idea to move in with your B/F right now.

I would still wait until AFTER he has gone bankrupt Miss Riot. I wouldn't want to move in with someone with huge debts, and be with them when they go bankrupt.

Can you not wait til he goes bankrupt first, and THEN do all of the above?

Buzzybee90

Miss_Riot wrote: »

Soleil Lune - No kids as yet! I'm having to wait til I'm a little better at least!

The worry is that it could be some time before I'm able to get myself back to work. He has been honest about everything and we've talked about me being responsible for bills and his pay check going straight to me. So we wouldn't have any financial connection with a joint account or anything. We wouldn't be moving before January at the earliest so we will have been together for not far off a year. I've spent a lot of time with him since we met and if the tenancy agreement is in my name I've got all the rights over the place.

Seriously, 9 months ago was this year. Please don't rush into things!

purpleshoes_2

A disaster waiting to happen by the sounds of it. Id be waiting until after he's gone bankrupt and until after he sorts his finances and money management out. Its all very well you saying you'd want to be in control of the finances but the reality might be very different indeed.

jaylee3

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Seriously, 9 months ago was this year. Please don't rush into things!

purpleshoes wrote: »

A disaster waiting to happen by the sounds of it. Id be waiting until after he's gone bankrupt and until after he sorts his finances and money management out. Its all very well you saying you'd want to be in control of the finances but the reality might be very different indeed.

^^^ :T

Another 2 sensible regular posters who know their stuff, who agree that moving in with him now is a bad idea.

Hope you listen

Really, I seriously would not move in yet. Why the rush?

supersaver2

Hi Op

I have to agree with most of the above replies, financially, moving in with him at the moment wouldn't be a great move. Emotionally I understand it is difficult, you want to spend all your time together, have a good think and ask yourself what advice you would give a friend if she asked this question.

System

I can understand you wanting to move in with him, BUT i have to agree with everyone else. I don't think the situation you're in or the circumstances right now are right but for a big thing to happen. I think letting him deal with his debt (and hopefully become better with money) and getting to know each other better, would be a better move. I'm not saying put it off until you can work again, but don't rush into something you may regret.

I've been though being ill and having to rely on someone else, and it ended very badly. We moved far too quickly and i felt trapped and realised too late it was a bad relationship. So bad an experience that i wouldn't even entertain moving in with anyone for the forseeable future even though i am now back working.

JIL

If you both maintain separate households then what's stopping him staying at yours a couple of nights per week. Surely that's better than rushing in when you have been unwell and he has lots of debt, an ex and children.
I have been married for many years and if something happened that made me single again I can think of nothing better than my own space during the week and a partner for the weekend!

marisco_2

Another vote here for you not moving in with this guy. The time isn't right for either of you, and you just risk jeopardising what you share together, because of the financial strain you would be under and the restraints that would cause. Setting up home with someone should be a really special time in a relationship, don't miss out on that by rushing in now.

Errata

I'm really unsure of how the best way to go about this is.

Stay where you are. He's already kicked one woman and his child into the long grass and his life is in chaos.

Soleil_lune

Miss_Riot wrote: »

Soleil Lune - No kids as yet! I'm having to wait til I'm a little better at least!

The worry is that it could be some time before I'm able to get myself back to work. He has been honest about everything and we've talked about me being responsible for bills and his pay check going straight to me. So we wouldn't have any financial connection with a joint account or anything. We wouldn't be moving before January at the earliest so we will have been together for not far off a year. I've spent a lot of time with him since we met and if the tenancy agreement is in my name I've got all the rights over the place.

*groan*

So you're still going to go with your idea then, despite almost everyone on here advising you against it?

I really don't understand why people come on here and ask for advice, and then 95% of people give the same advice, (against what the OP is suggesting,) but they don't take it, and decide to go ahead and do what they first wanted to do anyway.

Once again, I do think it's a very bad idea for you to move in so soon, and under the circumstances that you outline.

But I have a feeling that you're going to go ahead and do it anyway, despite all the advice from posters on here against it.

All I can say is good luck. I think you'll need it.