Moving in together but losing benefits

Birdie85

I echo the others I'm afraid. I think the best idea is to move closer to him and if he's in a horrible, damp flat to encourage him to move too. Definitely wait until the bankruptcy has gone through before tying yourself to him financially and it will help you figure out where you'll both stand once you do move in together.

Just remember that there's really no need to rush! You're only 25 and say yourself that your clock is hardly ticking loudly so just enjoy this time of having a boyfriend and that lovely feeling of being able to send his dirty washing home with him! Spending weekends and holidays with someone is a lot different to living with them, believe me! Also, with the move to another area, enjoy getting to know the place and make new friends etc without having to rely on him 100%. Its important that you build a good life for yourself that includes him, rather than your life that consists of just him! You can still spend time making your new place that loving, warm home you desire... with the upside of it not being messed up by a bloke!

Flossie.

I am also with the masses here. Sorry OP, I know you probably have it all worked out in your head that it's all gonna be sunshine and roses and suchlike, but I would never have contemplated giving up my home and security and moving in with someone, just 36 weeks after meeting him!

I met my husband in the October of 1990, and we dated (saw each other twice a week,) for about a year, and the second Christmas we were a couple, he asked me to spend Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day with him and his mum and dad, and his siblings.

I said no, because I didn't feel that I knew him and his family enough to spend Christmas there. What's more, I wanted to spend it in my own home, not be sitting there awkward and uncomfortable in someone else's family home. This was after 14 months! It was 18 months into our relationship before we went on holiday together, and four years into our relationship that we decided to live together in a rented flat: both working full time, no debts, nobody else living there.

Relationships take time to flourish. Maybe some people who met, lived with and married their OH within the same year will disagree, but I don't think you can truly know someone in 36 weeks, as you claim that you do.

And you say 'at least I don't need to worry about the DWP hounding me off ESA if I cancel it and live off his money, and anyway, I still have my DLA;' but they could also hound you off the DLA, as they are also slowly but surely, re-assessing everyone. Then you will be 100% reliant on him.

If you were working, it may be different, but imo, this has 'disaster waiting to happen' written all over it. So he has to give you all his income to control does he? The income he has earned, while you have been at home all day? I can't see many men standing for that for long.

starsandmoon

Ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years at Xmas. We live in seperate houses in different towns. We are both divorced and I have a child, he has none. We see each other at weekends and occasionaly in the week. This works very well. He has debts he ran up before he met me and it has taken 5 years to get them to a manageable level and they still arent paid off.

We went on holiday in the summer and got engaged. Agreed we open an ISA/Savings and start to save for a wedding. He wants me to do all the shopping around for a good deal and then went out and spent £120 on an air rifle! Needless to say not a penny has been saved.

Im happy with the way things are and wont be moving in with him until he sorts his finances out. Hes a lot better and improving all the time but Im not rocking my nice life and uprooting my DD.

I think you should wait a bit longer before moving in together. See how his finances pan out plus there is a child to consider as well. The maintainence will come before everything and you will also become a step parent which can put strain on a relationship.