Moving in together but losing benefits

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

The reason you're struggling with this is your common sense kicking in.


You're vulnerable - physically and financially - but planning making yourself entirely dependent upon somebody who can't even make ends meet on his own with twenty one hand a year coming in?


Listen to your subconscious. It's saying 'NO NO NO! '

joerugby

JIL wrote: »

If you both maintain separate households then what's stopping him staying at yours a couple of nights per week. Surely that's better than rushing in when you have been unwell and he has lots of debt, an ex and children.
I have been married for many years and if something happened that made me single again I can think of nothing better than my own space during the week and a partner for the weekend!

Don't do it. Visit each other during the daytime by all means but don't stay overnight.

ViolaLass

Miss_Riot wrote: »

Soleil Lune - No kids as yet! I'm having to wait til I'm a little better at least!

The worry is that it could be some time before I'm able to get myself back to work. He has been honest about everything and we've talked about me being responsible for bills and his pay check going straight to me. So we wouldn't have any financial connection with a joint account or anything. We wouldn't be moving before January at the earliest so we will have been together for not far off a year. I've spent a lot of time with him since we met and if the tenancy agreement is in my name I've got all the rights over the place.

Is he willing to hand everything over to you? If I were him, I would be nervous that my prospective home-sharer wanted so much power. It doesn't sound very equal.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Miss_Riot wrote: »

Soleil Lune - No kids as yet! I'm having to wait til I'm a little better at least!

The worry is that it could be some time before I'm able to get myself back to work. He has been honest about everything and we've talked about me being responsible for bills and his pay check going straight to me. So we wouldn't have any financial connection with a joint account or anything. We wouldn't be moving before January at the earliest so we will have been together for not far off a year. I've spent a lot of time with him since we met and if the tenancy agreement is in my name I've got all the rights over the place.

And if he decides to not give you his paycheck or you discover he has additional debts - or his earnings are clawed back as a result of bankruptcy , that means you have liability for all the bills but no ability to pay them.

But he'll be fine. He won't have liability for the rent, council tax, electricity, insurance, gas,food....

Indie_Kid

What good is it his pay check going to you?

purpleshoes_2

I actually think this looks like a hot potato lets get everyone arguing about benefits thread that actually hasnt panned out that way, why start a thread and not come back to it for over a day? So many red flags in the opening thread, you wouldn't touch someone who managed finances like this with a ten foot pole, I think its really odd that the OP hasnt come back on and discussed this further.

purpleshoes_2

Indie_Kid wrote: »

What good is it his pay check going to you?

So that she can take control of everything thats going in and everything thats coming out, as he cant manage his own finances. Ie, mothering him.

Indie_Kid

purpleshoes wrote: »

So that she can take control of everything thats going in and everything thats coming out, as he cant manage his own finances. Ie, mothering him.

I wondered that. How is he ever going to learn then?

I personally wouldn't touch someone with debt, apart from student finance debt. (because it's different)

purpleshoes_2

Indie_Kid wrote: »

I wondered that. How is he ever going to learn then?

I personally wouldn't touch someone with debt, apart from student finance debt. (because it's different)

Lots of people have debt, I have debt, but it gets paid and so do my bills, on time. Someone having credit card debt wouldnt be an issue for me, what would be an issue would be someone who had out of control debts and who couldnt deal with the consequences. Even then some people do manage to get their lives back on track, you only need to look at the debt free boards to see that.

I also think that a bigger issue is that some people are better off being single than in a couple, you only need to see people who move in together and lose benefits to see that, but often they work out clearly that they want to be together and they manage to move forward.

The issue is really, if this man was ok with money and the OP moved in with him, accepted that she would lose benefits apart from DLA and shared finances all would be better, although I assume he would be making up more of the shortfall.

Its the fact that he seems to be awful with money. It is a recipe for disaster because if you have to take charge of someone elses finances incase they spend every single penny, you can't trust them with their own cash.

Ive been in relationships where people couldnt manage anything they had, if they had £200, theyd spend it on crap, if they had £5 theyd spend it on crap, you spend your whole life being second best because they never have any money to do anything.

Controlling the purse strings is as far as Im concerned just putting a sticking plaster over something that needs resolved, it wont solve the issue and it will probably break down, because I bet he wont be happy at having the purse strings controlled and getting pocket money or an allowance or whatever he gets after the bills and debts are paid.

Run for the hills, that would be my advice.

maman

purpleshoes wrote: »

I actually think this looks like a hot potato lets get everyone arguing about benefits thread that actually hasnt panned out that way, why start a thread and not come back to it for over a day? So many red flags in the opening thread, you wouldn't touch someone who managed finances like this with a ten foot pole, I think its really odd that the OP hasnt come back on and discussed this further.

Odd maybe but unusual, not at all. I'd say it's fairly common when a poster asks a question and doesn't get the responses they want.


My guess is the OP really wants to move in with her BF although her head is telling her it would be financial madness with the further risk that she's known him for a relatively short time. She's also unwilling to wait until she gets herself on her feet, fit and back to work. I thinks she knows all this but was hoping someone would think it was a good idea.