Moving in together but losing benefits

Miss_Riot

I've been going out with my OH for 8 (nearly 9) months now, and I really want to move in with him. My problem is that I have been unwell for a while and not able to work. I've needed a fair bit of care on and off and whilst I'm getting better I'm still a fair way off going back to working (even part time). But because of his income (just over 21k) I will lose all my benefits asides my DLA. We will be able to get some working tax credit but very little and no help with much else. it works out to be a loss of £500 aprox a month. I'll be left with no money of my own and have to rely on an allowance from him. I've been independent since I was 15 and I'm struggling with this idea! I've thought about not moving until I'm well but I don't know when or if that will happen, I have chronic pain syndrome (amongst other things) and it sets its own timetable.

I'm really unsure of how the best way to go about this is. He is basically going to have to pay for everything (plus the maintainance he pays his ex for his son) and we'll not be left with a lot after that. I'm used to not living on much but I can see how this could become the cause of so many arguements! He is also in a lot of debt, so he's looking to make himself bankrupt next year, which will have a huge effect on my credit record (which is currently fairly good considering) as we'd probably have to have a joint account unless all the bills are in my name and he gives me the money to pay it all off. I would be happy managing all of the household bills but I'd want to have control of the money coming in and then having cash once everything else is paid but again I can see how that could cause arguements too...

Anyone else been in a similar position or got any advice?

PasturesNew

My advice is simple: You hardly know him.... minimum of two Xmases before you move in is what my advice is

Soleil_lune

Probably get better advice on the benefits board tbh.

But from what you say, it sounds like you would be better off staying as you are for now. Especially as you have only been with him for 9 months.

Also, the upcoming bankruptcy of his, and the fact he has a lot of debt, raises a few red flags too.

I take it you have no kiddies yourself?

elsien

Have you discussed all this with your boyfriend? What is his perspective at the moment? From what you've posted it all seems to be about how you want things to work, not what's best for each of you.
On the face of it though, moving in with someone who has so much debt he's going to go bankrupt and expecting the both of you to manage on less money doesn't seem particularly practical.
I understand what you're saying about maintaining your independence, but moving in and taking over control of everything when you're not contributing financially does sound a bit of a recipe for disaster in the relationship front. What he agrees to now and how he'll really feel when you're doling out his allowance after the bills are paid are two entirely different things.

CH27

Moving in together after 9 months given the circumstances is a recipe for disaster.
If he can't manage his money now how on earth will he manage looking after two of you?

Indie_Kid

You may lose £500 a month; but it's much cheaper to live as a couple than live in two separate houses.

Buzzybee90

I agree with the others. Would you really want to have to provide for someone you barely know?

Maz

After only being in a relationship for 8 months, plus his shaky financial situation, plus the impact it would have on yours, I would recommend delaying moving in together until -

a) you know him much, much better
b) he sorts his personal debts and finances out

Personally I certainly wouldn't be entertaining any sort of joint financial agreements!

On the basis you outline it sounds like a recipe for potential financial disaster for you tbh!

bagpussbear

Miss_Riot wrote: »

I've been going out with my OH for 8 (nearly 9) months now, and I really want to move in with him. My problem is that I have been unwell for a while and not able to work. I've needed a fair bit of care on and off and whilst I'm getting better I'm still a fair way off going back to working (even part time). But because of his income (just over 21k) I will lose all my benefits asides my DLA. We will be able to get some working tax credit but very little and no help with much else. it works out to be a loss of £500 aprox a month. I'll be left with no money of my own and have to rely on an allowance from him. I've been independent since I was 15 and I'm struggling with this idea! I've thought about not moving until I'm well but I don't know when or if that will happen, I have chronic pain syndrome (amongst other things) and it sets its own timetable.

I'm really unsure of how the best way to go about this is. He is basically going to have to pay for everything (plus the maintainance he pays his ex for his son) and we'll not be left with a lot after that. I'm used to not living on much but I can see how this could become the cause of so many arguements! He is also in a lot of debt, so he's looking to make himself bankrupt next year, which will have a huge effect on my credit record (which is currently fairly good considering) as we'd probably have to have a joint account unless all the bills are in my name and he gives me the money to pay it all off. I would be happy managing all of the household bills but I'd want to have control of the money coming in and then having cash once everything else is paid but again I can see how that could cause arguements too...

Anyone else been in a similar position or got any advice?

Given all the above bits in bold, my advice would be not to move in with this guy - at this time. There's just no positives to be gained for you, I'm sad to say.

I know it might be a way off, but it would be more logical to wait until you are able to work again, and for him to get the bankruptcy over with.

I agree with Soleil lune, the debt and wishing to go bankrupt raises a red flag with me too. I think you need to find out more about the debt, the reasons, and why he can't pay it off etc.

If you have been independent and doing so well since you were 15, you've got your head screwed on nicely please don't make a mistake here that you could live to regret.

ellay864

Stay where you are!! When I met DH he had loads of debts following his divorce and had moved back in with his mum, I was divorced with 2 kids, earning a lot more than him and not a lot of benefits but did still get council tax discount as single parent. I'd have been worse off if he moved in and I wanted him to be getting himself financially straight. I'd worked hard to get in the financial position I was in and easn't intending to risk blowing things! I helped pay off his debts by card-tarting as I had decent credit - he made all the repayments but at zero or low interest. It was 5 years before he moved in and yes at times I wished he was already there but when he did move in I had no doubts - I'd have worried if he'd moved in earlier with the dodgy finances

Miss_Riot

Soleil Lune - No kids as yet! I'm having to wait til I'm a little better at least!

The worry is that it could be some time before I'm able to get myself back to work. He has been honest about everything and we've talked about me being responsible for bills and his pay check going straight to me. So we wouldn't have any financial connection with a joint account or anything. We wouldn't be moving before January at the earliest so we will have been together for not far off a year. I've spent a lot of time with him since we met and if the tenancy agreement is in my name I've got all the rights over the place.