Female friend and Girlfriend

j.e.j.

itch_for_a_glitch wrote: »

Tell your girlfriend she cannot be the only woman in your life, if thats what you believe.
If she is stupid enough to hang around, look forward to a bumpy ride.

Or commit.

I think itch has summed it up quite succinctly :rotfl:

I think you're going to have to choose between your possessive friend/old flame and your girlfriend.

While there may be nothing physical going on with the friend-who-turns-out-to-be-an-ex there's clearly some sexual banter between you. Your girlfriend knows it and if she has any sense will call it a day.

Like others have said, how would YOU feel if the boot were on the other foot?

pinkshoes

I think both your GF and friend sound odd and too much like hard work.

As a female, the text wouldn't bother me in the slightest. You have been friends with this girl for 15 years, so have had ample opportunity to get together if you wanted to. It is clearly harmless banter.

Your friend is very odd for acting such a way when you didn't hug her.

I suspect although your feelings towards your friend are platonic, hers towards you might not be.

As for your girlfriend, she sounds like hard work and perhaps a little over sensitive. She can't go round being jealous of every girl that might fancy you, as that would destroy the relationship. Either she trusts you or she doesn't. You have told her you have no feelings for your friend and it is only friendship, so she either accepts that or she doesn't.

Pollycat

pinkshoes wrote: »

I think both your GF and friend sound odd and too much like hard work.

As a female, the text wouldn't bother me in the slightest. You have been friends with this girl for 15 years, so have had ample opportunity to get together if you wanted to. It is clearly harmless banter.

Your friend is very odd for acting such a way when you didn't hug her.

I suspect although your feelings towards your friend are platonic, hers towards you might not be.

As for your girlfriend, she sounds like hard work and perhaps a little over sensitive. She can't go round being jealous of every girl that might fancy you, as that would destroy the relationship. Either she trusts you or she doesn't. You have told her you have no feelings for your friend and it is only friendship, so she either accepts that or she doesn't.

The relationship hasn't always been platonic though.

The OP says they did date (albeit a long time ago):

MBenz wrote: »

Although I dated my friend 15 years ago, I have no intention of ever dating her again.

FBaby

I would never have dated telling my now husband who he could be friends with or not. The line hasn't been crossed yet between the OP and the friend. So what they had a banter text, would it be shocking if it had been said to a male friend? The reality is that the new girlfriend feels insecure and threaten by another woman. She needs to get over this and start trusting OP rather than assume that he will be up to no good with that friend just because she is female.

I have a very close male friend and if my husband had indicated at anytime that he wanted me to stop that relationship, I would have had alarm bells ringing about him having control issues.

raven83

I think it is definitely a grey area, although you have known her all this time yet never become an item, you have dated and am guessing that you would of been involved sexually?

I can see why your GF hates it, I think I would be more hurt at the fact you had lied about being back in contact with her.

If you sum it up, this is a girl you have been close to for a long time, you've dated and possible was a time when things weren't platonic and now you are complimenting her on her half naked body. When you look at it like that she has every right to be peeved.

bluenoseam

I think some of the replies here need to understand that some men can actually exist in a world whereby shock horror our lives aren't ruled by carnal instincts! There's no indication from that text message that given the chance he'd jump into bed with the woman, believe it or not we're not all governed by our genitals!

Sorry but it does seem like he's getting the rough end of the stick here and getting absolutely destroyed for something that really is a mountain out of a molehill situation.

Pollycat

FBaby wrote: »

I would never have dated telling my now husband who he could be friends with or not. The line hasn't been crossed yet between the OP and the friend. So what they had a banter text, would it be shocking if it had been said to a male friend? The reality is that the new girlfriend feels insecure and threaten by another woman. She needs to get over this and start trusting OP rather than assume that he will be up to no good with that friend just because she is female.

I have a very close male friend and if my husband had indicated at anytime that he wanted me to stop that relationship, I would have had alarm bells ringing about him having control issues.

But did you date your very close male friend at some point in your past before you met your OH?

If you didn't, it's not a fair comparison to the OP's situation.

The OP did date this friend.

FBaby

But did you date your very close male friend at some point in your past before you met your OH?

Not the friend I was thinking of, but I remainedfor a while very close friend with someone I dated before where there was no ambiguity left whatsoever. We both appreciated that we had much in common which meant we could be good friends, but the differences were such that we would never have made it as a couple. I could look at him and feel absolutely nothing romantic for that person and I am very sure it was the same for them.

Pollycat

FBaby wrote: »

Not the friend I was thinking of, but I remainedfor a while very close friend with someone I dated before where there was no ambiguity left whatsoever. We both appreciated that we had much in common which meant we could be good friends, but the differences were such that we would never have made it as a couple. I could look at him and feel absolutely nothing romantic for that person and I am very sure it was the same for them.

But I'm assuming you didn't throw a massive strop lasting for 6 months because this person didn't hug you - more than a decade after your relationship ended.


It may have been nothing romantic on either of your sides but I'm not convinced that it is the same for the OP's friend.

bluenoseam wrote: »

I think some of the replies here need to understand that some men can actually exist in a world whereby shock horror our lives aren't ruled by carnal instincts! There's no indication from that text message that given the chance he'd jump into bed with the woman, believe it or not we're not all governed by our genitals!

Sorry but it does seem like he's getting the rough end of the stick here and getting absolutely destroyed for something that really is a mountain out of a molehill situation.

I agree that 'some men can actually exist in a world whereby shock horror our lives aren't ruled by carnal instincts!'.


It's the friend that I believe has potentially suspect motives.


And the OP has fed that suspicion by lying about resuming regular contact with his friend.


I don't consider it a 'mountain out of a molehill situation' - and it's clear the OP's girlfriend doesn't either.


This is not a case of unreasonable jealously.
There is reason for how the OP's girlfriend feels.
And that's down to the way the OP has behaved.

SuzieSue

I'm with your gf on this. There is no way I would accept my bf to have such a close female friend especially one that he had been involved with in the past.

You need to decide which you want more - your gf or your friend. You can't have your cake and eat it.