Female friend and Girlfriend

duchy

Actually I'm not so sure it's the OP the GF doesn't trust but no normal friend refuses to talk to you for six months because you didn't give them a hug at a party. There are jealousy issues here but they aren't coming from your GF.

Does your "friend" also put your girlfriend down to you too ......purely as a good friend to you........ of course !

Sounds like a simple choice ditch your girlfriend - but be aware that your so called friend will cause issues in future relationships ....or ditch your ex or at worst treat her like you do the girlfriends of your mates-as I bet you wouldn't be sending THEM inappropriate texts.

fairy_lights

MBenz wrote: »

Anyway, the flirty text message; she is in Brazil, and had put up a new profile picture of herself on the beach so I said said she looked good. She then replied that she had forgotten her bikini but would wear a bra and thong next time so I said "sounds good, I can't wait to see that! lol" It was meant to be a joke. That's all. Stupid I guess.

If my boyfriend exchanged text messages like this with another woman I wouldn't be happy.
Saying that you can't wait to see someone in a bra and thong isn't friendly banter, it's flirting. A friendly response would have been to make a joke about wearing sunscreen or something, but it would still have been inappropriate for your friend to text you something like that in the first place.

hgotsparkle

MBenz wrote: »

I introduced my girlfriend to my female friend early on in the relationship. She was initially excited and happy for me and they both got on well, although my girlfriend said that she was a bit unsure of my female friend from the off. Don't know why.


Then at a party almost a year ago my friend walked out angrily and didn't reply to my text or calls later that night. When we spoke weeks later she said that I hadn't hugged her at the party when she arrived, as I normally do. I was shocked and confused, and felt she was being very childish. She didn't say it was anything to do with my girlfriend, but I suspected it was so we never spoke for 6 months.


Anyway, the flirty text message; she is in Brazil, and had put up a new profile picture of herself on the beach so I said said she looked good. She then replied that she had forgotten her bikini but would wear a bra and thong next time so I said "sounds good, I can't wait to see that! lol" It was meant to be a joke. That's all. Stupid I guess.

Shes either in love with you, or she likes you, and she's jealous she didn't get attention from you.

BAD move. Thats not innocent flirty, if I saw that my bf had sent a text like that, I'd seriously be questioning his motives.

I can see why your girlfriend isn't hapy with this, and I really do't blameher at all. I think you need to speak to your friend, ask her outright if she has a problem with you being with someone and what her feelings are for you. If you want to settle down, then I think you need to distance yourself from this friend. She's too close to you.

tea_lover

I also find it odd that you responded to her fb pics with private text messages. I could kind of understand the bikini comments if they were made as a general fb comment (in the open, as it were), but to have that conversation in private is inappropriate.

themull1

My personal view is that the ex is still in love with you and is jealous, does your current girlfriend know your 'friend' is an ex?. I'm female by the way.! In my personal experience, its never a good idea to remain friends with an ex.

itch_for_a_glitch

Tell your girlfriend she cannot be the only woman in your life, if thats what you believe.
If she is stupid enough to hang around, look forward to a bumpy ride.

Or commit.

thorsoak

MBenz wrote: »

I guess I can be stubborn because I don't feel I'm in the wrong because I try to keep everyone happy. I have had lots of conversations with my girlfriend, early on in our relationship about my friend, but last week she accused me of 'emotionally' cheating on her and just went on and on about the text message.


I feel she's being unreasonable as she knows how I feel about her, that she's important to me. She was very angry and we both said some unkind things during the argument which is why we're having this cooling off period. I'm reluctant to call her because I know she'll bring it up again and I'm not sure what to do next.

To me, it is obvious that the relationship is over - you cannot see how hurt your girlfriend is; she doesn't know how you feel about her - she feels betrayed by the fact that you feel it more important to defend your relationship with your friend, than to understand her point of view.

Time to call it a day ....and maybe look seriously at the relationship with your friend ...

Indie_Kid

I wouldn't be happy either. Why would you hide your friendship with this girl from your girlfriend? Unless you have something to hide? Not talking to you for 6 months because you didn't hug her is a huge overreaction, imo. I have male friends who hug me and others who don't. I can't say I'm fussed either way if I get a hug or not.

I wouldn't be happy with the text message either.

gt568

Which one is fitter? We should be shown photos of both to contextualise this dilemma.

*Louise*

MBenz wrote: »

Thank you all for taking the time to offer me such good advice and for the frank and open comments. It's especially good to hear the other side of the story - her side and what she must be feeling. She has actually told me all that but I just felt it was her being overly jealous.
Thanks Marvin for your honesty about your own experience. I'm with you...I'd choose my girl every time. Although I dated my friend 15 years ago, I have no intention of ever dating her again. I was even married for 6 years, which was a mistake and a disaster and she helped me through that, so I feel kind of obliged to support her because she has been so supportive of me. My girlfriend says that's her role now, but I'm finding it hard to tell my friend this.

Your girlfriend has a point- it is her role now.

There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, but if the messages are ever ones you wouldn't want your partner to see then that's when it becomes a problem.

You will also find that if you take the time and ask your gf to explain her issues while you listen and try and see it from her point of view as well as your own (and make an attempt to reassure or comfort ger) then you wouldn't have fallen out for the past few days