Female friend and Girlfriend

MBenz

I've had a female friend for about 15 years who I'm very close to. We discuss most things and she's helped me through a lot of personal difficulties. I have been dating a lovely woman for the past 18 months whom I really want to settle down with and have asked her to move in with me. However, she has recently told me that she is now uneasy about my friendship with the other woman since viewing a rather flirty text on my phone. I tried to reassure her that the text meant nothing and it's just how my female friend and I banter. My girlfriend said it was inappropriate and questions why I still want to remain friends with this woman after she stopped talking to me for six months recently due to my relationship with my girlfriend. We have since reconciled, but my girlfriend is very unhappy about it and is no longer willing to move in with me. She says she doesn't mind the friendship with this woman but feels that I have destroyed her trust in me because I never told her that we had resumed regular contact and she went crazy about what she calls 'the flirty the text messages.'


I don't want to lose my girlfriend, but equally I don't want to lose my friend either. Any advice greatly appreciated.

Annisele

MBenz wrote: »

My girlfriend said it was inappropriate and questions why I still want to remain friends with this woman after she stopped talking to me for six months recently due to my relationship with my girlfriend.

I guess it depends why the bolded bit happened. This may be an imagination failure on my part, but I can't see a reason that would allow both friendships to carry on.

Was the girlfriend unforgiveably rude to the friend? Or vice versa?

Did you ignore the friend for a while, in the excitement of meeting the girlfriend, and in so doing annoy the friend?

Is the friend concerned the girlfriend is dangerous to you in some way?

Is the friend in love with you herself?

McKneff

Banter is all very well, but hey, you don't flirt with a friend of the opposite sex, 'specially in the circumstances. Banter is banter, flirting is flirting..... Reverse the roles and then come back.




I wouldn't even give you a chance, I would be off like a shot.....


Annie, (just because you might think that its a male response)

raven83

Can you elaborate more on this "flirty" text. I wouldn't mind my OH having a female friend but I would be annoyed at any flirty texts sent.

Barny1979

Yeah, all depends on the context and content of the text, could be valid concerns by gf or potentially an overreaction, though maybe not if they do not know the context or previous texts building up to said text.

System

What did the flirty text say?

MBenz

I introduced my girlfriend to my female friend early on in the relationship. She was initially excited and happy for me and they both got on well, although my girlfriend said that she was a bit unsure of my female friend from the off. Don't know why.


Then at a party almost a year ago my friend walked out angrily and didn't reply to my text or calls later that night. When we spoke weeks later she said that I hadn't hugged her at the party when she arrived, as I normally do. I was shocked and confused, and felt she was being very childish. She didn't say it was anything to do with my girlfriend, but I suspected it was so we never spoke for 6 months.


Anyway, the flirty text message; she is in Brazil, and had put up a new profile picture of herself on the beach so I said said she looked good. She then replied that she had forgotten her bikini but would wear a bra and thong next time so I said "sounds good, I can't wait to see that! lol" It was meant to be a joke. That's all. Stupid I guess.

Barny1979

Think your friend is feeling a bit jealous of your new gf, not speaking to you for 6 months as you didn't hug? High maintenance?!

raven83

MBenz wrote: »

I introduced my girlfriend to my female friend early on in the relationship. She was initially excited and happy for me and they both got on well, although my girlfriend said that she was a bit unsure of my female friend from the off. Don't know why.


Then at a party almost a year ago my friend walked out angrily and didn't reply to my text or calls later that night. When we spoke weeks later she said that I hadn't hugged her at the party when she arrived, as I normally do. I was shocked and confused, and felt she was being very childish. She didn't say it was anything to do with my girlfriend, but I suspected it was so we never spoke for 6 months.


Anyway, the flirty text message; she is in Brazil, and had put up a new profile picture of herself on the beach so I said said she looked good. She then replied that she had forgotten her bikini but would wear a bra and thong next time so I said "sounds good, I can't wait to see that! lol" It was meant to be a joke. That's all. Stupid I guess.

I can why your girlfriend is annoyed at the text, but then I can kinda see what you replied back being said as a joke, but from your girlfriends point of view she wont see it that way. I can see why she would feel uneasy.

marisco_2

MBenz wrote: »

She says she doesn't mind the friendship with this woman but feels that I have destroyed her trust in me because I never told her that we had resumed regular contact and she went crazy about what she calls 'the flirty the text messages.'

Once trust is gone there is no relationship left. By hiding the fact that you resumed your friendship, and to be communicating with others in a flirty way just erodes the foundation of your relationship. You don't go behind a persons back and treat them that way if they really mean something to you.

MBenz

I don't see that I deliberately did anything wrong. I didn't tell my girlfriend about communicating with the friend because I know how uneasy she feels about her. I am just trying to reach a happy medium and hang on to the woman I love - my girlfriend, without hurting my friend. This is distressing because my girlfriend and I haven't spoken since we argued on Wednesday night.