Am I right to be offended?

Marisco

MissOptimistic wrote: »

Thank you all for taking the time to reply to my thread.
Whether you believe that I am indeed a drama queen or justified in my response, I can see that some clarification of our circumstances is needed.
I do all the meal planning, preparation & cooking, OH never cooks, he says that he can't.
I also work full time & OH doesn't work.
The head in hands was merely frustration that my hard work was going to end up in the bin.
I hadn't told OH beforehand what was for tea, but he did come in the kitchen just as I was starting it & I told him what we were having & he never said "can we have something else instead"
For those of you who have said it must have been inedible, awful, too spicy etc etc, it was none of those things, in my opinion it was lovely, OH is just a fussy eater and I am forever trying to find new things for our meals that we might all enjoy to save us from eating the same stuff over and over again.
For the lovely person who criticised my choice of supplementing the main meal with packet rice & criticised me for daring to say that I had 'cooked from scratch', have you nothing else to do?
There are lots of issues in our marriage but I am often made to feel like I am the one at fault, so I was just interested to hear if others thought I was, or whether I had good cause to feel hurt.
Thanks again everyone

Then I would tell him to learn PDQ! No way would I come home from work and start to cook if my oh had been home all day doing sod all! I would also expect him to do the housework as well, it's no different to a SAHM, only he's male, it's just "role reversal" in your case.

MissOptimistic

DavidF wrote: »

LOL I think if you had mentioned that OH does not work you would have got more pro you replies. That snippet changes everything imho. I think you two need to talk and soon IMHO.

That was my main reason for not mentioning it to be honest, I wanted unbiased responses

Marisco

MissOptimistic wrote: »

That was my main reason for not mentioning it to be honest, I wanted unbiased responses

Yes, but you're not getting "proper" answers though. TBH I thought you were a bit of a drama queen when I first heard it, but now I know he doesn't work, then my feelings are totally different.

This unfortunately is what happens on the threads, people post half a story, people comment and give advice, and when the full story eventually gets out in dribs and drabs, the comments and advice is not right. I think if people want advice then they should post the full sp to begin with, that way everyone knows where they are.

DavidF

MissOptimistic wrote: »

That was my main reason for not mentioning it to be honest, I wanted unbiased responses

But you were getting answers to a question that is incomplete. The opinions are not unbiased....they are answering a question without being in receipt of the full facts. It so obviously matters that your oh is not working. That fact alone explains YOUR reaction and may even to a certain extent explain your kids reaction....nurture not nature ect ect ect.
The crux is you feel hard done by and bloody rightly so. Maybe even a visit to your docs and be honest with him/her about your feelings in general and sleeping patterns, stress ect. Im not saying you are suffering in this way but you clearly are "suffering".
In my opinion this thread is not about the meal very much at all. It is about you and how you are treated by your oh and the effect it may or may not be having on your kids.

Georgiegirl256

DavidF wrote: »

LOL I think if you had mentioned that OH does not work you would have got more pro you replies. That snippet changes everything imho. I think you two need to talk and soon IMHO.

Exactly. I feel if this was mentioned from the start, a lot of the replies (my own included) would have been totally different.

Barny1979

You work and he doesn't and you do all the cooking? So what does he do to contribute to the running of the house?

victory

MissOptimistic wrote: »

That was my main reason for not mentioning it to be honest, I wanted unbiased responses

But you left out a large part of the problem, why can he not cook?
He is a grown man, he can learn to cook, why would you have to work full time and he do nothing and not even cook you a meal when you get in?

Is he disabled? Unable to work? Does he have problems with his hands? Can he read/follow a recipe? Can he not go to cooking classes, many run free at libraries?

duchy

Barny1979 wrote: »

You work and he doesn't and you do all the cooking? So what does he do to contribute to the running of the house?

Can he do housework ....what about your sons ?

Newwashingmachine

I can't understand how a woman who works full time has to do all the household chores if her OH doesn't work.

What if he was working and you weren't - would you expect him to cook, clean, iron, tidy up etc?

This sounds harsh - but he doesn't sound like a good catch at all.

splishsplash

MissOptimistic wrote: »

That was my main reason for not mentioning it to be honest, I wanted unbiased responses

You don't say how long your husband has been unemployed or why, or how you've divided the daily chores. With two teenagers, there are effectively four people to take responsibility for things, so no reason for anyone to feel like a martyr.

Putting your head in your hands sounded really off as a reaction.
Your teenagers reaction to the exchange at the table sounded off.
Your husband's comments were off.

This all suggests your problems have very little to do with the meal, and whether or not you are justified in feeling offended is neither here not there in the bigger picture.

I think you should be more interested in dealing with how you're all going to move forward in a way you can be happy with. Your house sounds tense and stressful at the moment .