Am I right to be offended?

Lily-Rose_3

Marisco wrote: »

Then I would tell him to learn PDQ! No way would I come home from work and start to cook if my oh had been home all day doing sod all! I would also expect him to do the housework as well, it's no different to a SAHM, only he's male, it's just "role reversal" in your case.

This ^^^ You would be surprised at the amount of women I have known in the past who work, and have had husbands at home (long term 'sick' or just plain unemployed, or sometimes just workshy.) Yet the men STILL expect the women to do the household chores. School run, cooking, shopping, washing, ironing, paying the bills, sorting the banking, you name it!

I have to say, I could not tolerate a man like this, and I am always shocked and stunned that women DO tolerate it. I just plain and simple wouldn't.

Sorry OP, but I feel that you are a good old fashioned 22 carat doormat. You need to kick his backside out the door IMO. But I really believe that you won't, sadly..... and that although you're annoyed now, you will move on from it, and it will keep happening.

TBagpuss

I agree, unless he has significant disabilities there is absolutely no reason why he can't cook. Buy or borrow a copy of Delia's complete cookery course book. it starts from the assumption that the reader knows nothing about cooking and explains the basics, before starting the recipies

It does make a difference that you were cooking after a day at work, and he was critisising after a day spent at home with minimal responsibility.

meritaten

I KNEW there were other issues! the OPs 'head in hands' is typical of someone who feels hard done by, undervalued, and frankly, almost at the end of their tether.
and to be told they are the problem and should apologise? its 'dig your heels in' time.
No, you are NOT out of order or overreacting. just overworked and overtired probably!
I would suggest you persuade OH to see the GP though - unless he has always been a nasty sarcastic bully - then perhaps HE is the one who is depressed and you the one suffering from it.

lulu_92

TBagpuss wrote: »

I agree, unless he has significant disabilities there is absolutely no reason why he can't cook. Buy or borrow a copy of Delia's complete cookery course book. it starts from the assumption that the reader knows nothing about cooking and explains the basics, before starting the recipies

It does make a difference that you were cooking after a day at work, and he was critisising after a day spent at home with minimal responsibility.

He must know how to cook microwave rice?

splishsplash

Newwashingmachine wrote: »

I can't understand how a woman who works full time has to do all the household chores if her OH doesn't work.

What if he was working and you weren't - would you expect him to cook, clean, iron, tidy up etc?

This sounds harsh - but he doesn't sound like a good catch at all.

She certainly doesn't have to at all.

Evidently, as they're both adults, they've decided between themselves how stuff is to be divided.

If she's unhappy then it's a matter of renegotiating, not burying her head in her hands in drama queen or martyr style.

There may be perfectly valid reasons for him not cooking, maybe he does everything else, I don't know. He may just be a lazy lump with a nasty mouth.

I do know that she doesn't *have* to do anything - she's choosing to. To pretend otherwise is very demotivating, I think, and not helpful.

thistledome

peachyprice wrote: »

Geniune question, I am intrigued, do people who do the cooking on this thread just cook what they fancy without any discussion with their partner/family about what they want for dinner that night and expect them to eat it?

I don't cook what I fancy, being vegetarian and OH being a carnivore. However, when I ask him what he wants I am always met with "anything" or "I don't mind". I don't expect him to eat it if he doesn't like it, but I wouldn't expect a critique either, from someone who can't be bothered to cook their own food and who shows no interest in it's preparation.

OP, I think you're right and he's wrong. I'd be offended too at such rudeness.

Having food put in front of you every day is such a luxury, it infuriates me when people are so rude and ungrateful like this. Let them make their own dinner if they're that bothered. :mad:

Flossie.

thistledome wrote: »

I don't cook what I fancy, being vegetarian and OH being a carnivore. However, when I ask him what he wants I am always met with "anything" or "I don't mind". I don't expect him to eat it if he doesn't like it, but I wouldn't expect a critique either, from someone who can't be bothered to cook their own food and who shows no interest in it's preparation.

OP, I think you're right and he's wrong. I'd be offended too at such rudeness.

Having food put in front of you every day is such a luxury, it infuriates me when people are so rude and ungrateful like this. Let them make their own dinner if they're that bothered. :mad:

Well I have to agree with this (bolded.) If I say to my husband 'what do you want for tea?' and he says 'anything,' then if he complained it wasn't what he wanted; I would either tell him to leave it if he doesn't like it and make his own, or ignore him. However, quite honestly, I don't think I can recall any time ever, that he has said 'anything will do,' and then whined because he doesn't like it. It seems odd that someone would do this.

And going back to what someone said earlier, yes we do always discuss what we're having, and wouldn't ever go and make something without asking the others(s) what we want.

Mojisola

I just couldn't stick with someone who is still sulking days after the event - whatever the original disagreement was about!

Kantankrus_Mare

"Trying to keep marriage going" .....is another thread started by OP and gives a lot more back info on their situation.

I hope you dont mind me posting this .Missoptimistic? But now have a clearer undetstanding of the bigger picture and you have my full sympathy and I can totally understand your frustration!

X

Mojisola

Kantankrus_Mare wrote: »

"Trying to keep marriage going" .....is another thread started by OP and gives a lot more back info on their situation.

I hope you dont mind me posting this .Missoptimistic? But now have a clearer undetstanding of the bigger picture and you have my full sympathy and I can totally understand your frustration!

That was from 2011 - MissOptimistic - has anything improved since then?