Am I right to be offended?

mummyroysof3

In our house I do all the cooking and meal related planning and shopping. I have no problem with people saying what they do or don't like/want as long as it's done nicely. Sometimes they know what they getting in advance and sometimes they don't. Hubby works till 6 and tea is ready as he walks in. He wouldn't be happy to discuss tea at 8am when he leaves so had to expect that sometimes it's a suprise but never cook something new or different without talking about it

Marisco

peachyprice wrote: »

Yes, this is how it goes in out house, which is why I find it hard to understand how you would put a meal in front of someone that they don't like.

If my husband made an arbitrary decision as to what I was having for dinner and just went and cooked it I wouldn't be too chuffed.

Yes same here, I tend to say "what do you fancy tonight", and list a couple of choices, or I'll just say "I'm making xxxx tonight" and that is the time to say no, but TBH oh will normally eat whatever I put in front of him, he's the least fussy eater I know!! Which is great as I hate cooking anyway!

Vicky123

peachyprice wrote: »

Yes, this is how it goes in out house, which is why I find it hard to understand how you would put a meal in front of someone that they don't like.

If my husband made an arbitrary decision as to what I was having for dinner and just went and cooked it I wouldn't be too chuffed.

It can be quite easy if the person is determined to not like it, if that's the situation in this house then head in hands would be entirely appropriate. Some people are just nasty, constant criticism, especially round meals is intended to make the other person look half mad, mock shock at such sensitive feelings, works a treat in front of impressionable teens, ask anyone that's been through it. The OP would need to tell us though if that's what's happening here, if it is then most likely just the tip of the iceberg. If it's a one off then they all need to get over themselves.

peachyprice

Vicky123 wrote: »

It can be quite easy if the person is determined to not like it, if that's the situation in this house then head in hands would be entirely appropriate. Some people are just nasty, constant criticism, especially round meals is intended to make the other person look half mad, mock shock at such sensitive feelings, works a treat in front of impressionable teens, ask anyone that's been through it. The OP would need to tell us though if that's what's happening here, if it is then most likely just the tip of the iceberg. If it's a one off then they all need to get over themselves.

OP doesn't say that he was asked if he would like that particular dish for dinner though, I'm sure she would have mentioned if she'd asked him first and he'd said yes please, then turned around and said he didn't like it once served. She already knew it wasn't a favorite dish so he/the teenagers must have said last time they weren't over-keen.

Seems there's a lack of communication in this family, perhaps they're all tip-toeing around OP because of the way she reacts when then don't like a dish put in front of them.

FBaby

This thread is so pointless since we have no idea what the tone of voice was used to deliver the words, nor the look on his face. Considering communication is whatever high percentage, none verbal, how can we trully come up with a decision as to whether OP over reacted or not?

It is more the behaviour from him that follows that I find odd.

Brighton_belle

duchy wrote: »

However it does sound like the OP does all the cooking-so if there is conflict about it-it's about her "territory"

To me it seems more likely that if she does all the planning prep and cooking, as well as also contributing financially to the household, then it's about if he won't do it, he should be appreciative of her endless hard work. That doesn't mean he is not free to not like a meal - but it should be said with regret and appreciation.

lostinrates

peachyprice wrote: »

Yes, this is how it goes in out house, which is why I find it hard to understand how you would put a meal in front of someone that they don't like.

If my husband made an arbitrary decision as to what I was having for dinner and just went and cooked it I wouldn't be too chuffed.

This morning my DH has made us breakfast. Its a delectable meal of a cornbread 'muffin', mushrooms with lemon and rosemary, a prepared pear, and a mug of coffee. Its a delight to be cooked for, an act of care and love from him, though he has enjoyed doing it part of his enjoyment is in caring for me. His 'arbitrary decision' has been lifting responsibility from me so that the food can surprise and hopefully please me.

Sometimes the attitude is in receipt and intent perhaps?

Vicky123

peachyprice wrote: »

OP doesn't say that he was asked if he would like that particular dish for dinner though, I'm sure she would have mentioned if she'd asked him first and he'd said yes please, then turned around and said he didn't like it once served. She already knew it wasn't a favorite dish so he/the teenagers must have said last time they weren't over-keen.

Seems there's a lack of communication in this family, perhaps they're all tip-toeing around OP because of the way she reacts when then don't like a dish put in front of them.

Is it normal though to ask what particular "dish" he would like for dinner, or wait for approval once "served", this is a family meal, within reason take it or leave it! If I wanted specific dishes and service I would eat out. As someone has said we are missing a lot of background.

Marisco

Vicky123 wrote: »

The OP would need to tell us though if that's what's happening here, if it is then most likely just the tip of the iceberg. If it's a one off then they all need to get over themselves.

And this is the bottom line!

peachyprice

lostinrates wrote: »

This morning my DH has made us breakfast. Its a delectable meal of a cornbread 'muffin', mushrooms with lemon and rosemary, a prepared pear, and a mug of coffee. Its a delight to be cooked for, an act of care and love from him, though he has enjoyed doing it part of his enjoyment is in caring for me. His 'arbitrary decision' has been lifting responsibility from me so that the food can surprise and hopefully please me.

Sometimes the attitude is in receipt and intent perhaps?

But I doubt you would you have been so pleasantly surprised if in his arbitrary decision making he'd have plonked a bowl of Weetabix (insert any other cereal you're not particularly keen on) in front of you and expected you to eat it all

Your breakfast sounds delicious btw, does your husband do house calls? :rotfl: