HELP!! Mortgage deposit, my husband has more!!

Amara

Mojisola wrote: »

I inherited money this year after my Dad's death but it's not my money - it's ours. We're in a long term relationship (30+ years married) and are a team. The money is being used to benefit us both.

And it will benefit you both- as long as you're together. It sounds like you've got strong marriage, but if you'd divorce, would you like your ex to walk away with money your dad worked for?

Flossie.

victory wrote: »

Can't see why myself, if he had chosen to buy a luxury car, blow it on holidays, fancy clothes, drank it down the pub, gambled it, then yes huge selfish problems but he wants to put it into a house together to better their future but if it breaks down he wants to know his dad money is safe, perfectly acceptable, it is a huge amount of money

I see your point, but I can't see how he is protecting their future. All he is doing, is putting the money into a more expensive house, and making sure he gets his money back if/when the marriage breaks down.

Can't see he is doing much for anyone but himself really. They don't even have a joint account, which I find strange if you're married. Sounds like his priorities lie in protecting himself, more so than making his wife happy.

JMHO.

peachyprice

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I certainly don't think I am entitled to this money. Or even want this money. It's not my money. BUT the fact he felt the need to express he needed to do this has really hurt me. I have decided that I don't wanna use any of that money as part of our deposit for a house. I don't wanna be made felt like it wasn't my money.

There's nothing quite like cutting of your nose to spite your face.

If I were him and you refused to 'allow' me to use the money for a larger deposit on a house, thus reducing your mortgage, I'd blow the whole bloody lot on boys toys.

Daisydot123

I just think when people are married. They are a team. That was the way I was brought up. I've never heard of such thing like that is your money and that is mine. I completely understand that is his money and he will never ever see such a large amount again and he is protecting it incase things do !!!! up BUT if this is the case then and we are all about protecting our assets. How do I protect my assets. .... He will be entitled to everything I will inherit. I just feel so saddened he would even need to have this conversation with me and feel the need to 'protect it' and in my opinion if that is how he feels I'd rather my own money go into it.

Flossie.

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I just think when people are married. They are a team. That was the way I was brought up. I've never heard of such thing like that is your money and that is mine. I completely understand that is his money and he will never ever see such a large amount again and he is protecting it incase things do !!!! up BUT if this is the case then and we are all about protecting our assets. How do I protect my assets. .... He will be entitled to everything I will inherit. I just feel so saddened he would even need to have this conversation with me and feel the need to 'protect it' and in my opinion if that is how he feels I'd rather my own money go into it.

Exactly. I think going into a marriage 'safeguarding your assets,' just taints the marriage before it's started. It's suggesting that you are not 100% sure about the relationship IMO.

And it's even worse already BEING married, and keeping 'your' stuff to yourself.

Maybe the ones who are more skeptical have good reason to be, and I am not saying there is any right or wrong. It just doesn't sit well with me.

victory

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I just think when people are married. They are a team. That was the way I was brought up. I've never heard of such thing like that is your money and that is mine. I completely understand that is his money and he will never ever see such a large amount again and he is protecting it incase things do !!!! up BUT if this is the case then and we are all about protecting our assets. How do I protect my assets. .... He will be entitled to everything I will inherit. I just feel so saddened he would even need to have this conversation with me and feel the need to 'protect it' and in my opinion if that is how he feels I'd rather my own money go into it.

It is a huge amount of money, as you say, he's never likely to see that amount ever again, he's being very practical, realistic, honest and you are thinking and feeling from the heart, if only if but if the worst ever happened why should you take half of what his dad worked for , that was his son, he left it to him, his son, married or otherwise to his son

peachyprice

Daisydot123 wrote: »

How do I protect my assets. .... He will be entitled to everything I will inherit.

Then is the time to put your own £60k into the house and readjust your share to 50/50.

victory

peachyprice wrote: »

Then is the time to put your own £60k into the house and readjust your share to 50/50.

Perfect:D..............

Errata

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I just think when people are married. They are a team. That was the way I was brought up. .

But you're not practicing what you preach when you state "I have decided that I don't wanna use any of that money as part of our deposit for a house."

Mojisola

Amara wrote: »

And it will benefit you both- as long as you're together. It sounds like you've got strong marriage, but if you'd divorce, would you like your ex to walk away with money your dad worked for?

But after it becoming "our" money, it's family money.

We brought different amounts of savings into the marriage and we've had times when one of us earned more than the other. I wouldn't have got married if we were going to run our finances as "his" and "hers".