HELP!! Mortgage deposit, my husband has more!!

burnoutbabe

if no kids, its assumed more that both work and both contribute to the joint stuff.

No need for a joint account if one pays the bills and the other has a standing order to cover their half of the fixed costs.

A bills account is a bit different to only having one bank account between you for all income and spending as well.

SavingPennies_2

pelirocco wrote: »

We have been married 33 years 5 years ago my MIL died and my husband and his sister inheirited it , I made sure our wills stated that his share of the house was not mine and would go to our children . The house was sold last year and the money put into a joint account , he couldnt understand why I didnt think i was entitled to it

That's not quite the same though as it is going to your children, which is no doubt what you would want anyway even if he had shared the money with you.

It doesn't sound to me like the OP feels entitled to half the money, she is just hurt that her husband feels the need to protect it, like that means he may doubt her or their relationship.

lika_86

SavingPennies wrote: »

It doesn't sound to me like the OP feels entitled to half the money, she is just hurt that her husband feels the need to protect it, like that means he may doubt her or their relationship.

This is just insurance though. Everyone hopes and intends to stay fighting fit when they go on holiday but most people take out insurance in case something does go wrong. You only have to rely on it if things do go wrong. If everything goes to plan then it never needs to be thought of.

74jax

My husband has significantly more than me, and was in a position to pay off my mortgage entirely. The fact he wanted to safeguard his money didn't bother me in the slightest.

I don't believe he thinks in the future we'll split, but if we do, he want's to know his dads inheritance won't be lost 'on me'.

I have been married before and divorced, obviously didn't expect to divorce when i first got married, so maybe that is why I was more in agreement to what he wanted.

catkins

Daisydot123 wrote: »

We have been together 8 years. married for one. Have no children so we don't need to have a joint account.

What a strange remark. Me and OH have been married for 35 years, have no children and have had a joint account from the day we got married. Any money we earn or get is our money not his or mine. We have each been the chief wage earner at different times in our marriage and now I don't work and he works full time. We have always shared every penny


I would be very upset and very very angry if my OH said what yours has said about the money. Marriage is a partnership and is meant to be about sharing.

lulu_92

catkins wrote: »

What a strange remark. Me and OH have been married for 35 years, have no children and have had a joint account from the day we got married. Any money we earn or get is our money not his or mine. We have each been the chief wage earner at different times in our marriage and now I don't work and he works full time. We have always shared every penny


I would be very upset and very very angry if my OH said what yours has said about the money. Marriage is a partnership and is meant to be about sharing.

To be fair it took my OH a long time to understand this. He didn't want a joint account and he wanted exactly 50% of the bills paid by me (when I was earning half what he earned - which would have wiped me out financially). Luckily the money will be "ours" when we buy together and get a joint account. It probably changed because I got a new job where I earn double what I did 6 months ago, but I don't mind. It's our money. The compromise is in the deposit for the house. It will be in both our names but he wants to just use the equity for the house because then we will be able to furnish the house & pay all the fees using my savings, which should be in the region of £5k in January

SavingPennies_2

lika_86 wrote: »

This is just insurance though. Everyone hopes and intends to stay fighting fit when they go on holiday but most people take out insurance in case something does go wrong. You only have to rely on it if things do go wrong. If everything goes to plan then it never needs to be thought of.

From a logical point of view I get it, and I'm speaking as a financially independant and umarried woman. I can just see how the OP is hurt by the this. When you get married you promise to share your worldy goods (not sure of the wording!), so it's not the same as holiday insurance, because if want take out insurance on a marriage breaking up, just don't get married in the first place.

74jax

SavingPennies wrote: »

From a logical point of view I get it, and I'm speaking as a financially independant and umarried woman. I can just see how the OP is hurt by the this. When you get married you promise to share your worldy goods (not sure of the wording!), so it's not the same as holiday insurance, because if want take out insurance on a marriage breaking up, just don't get married in the first place.[/QUOTE]

But that's the same as if you don't want to take holiday insurance, don't go on holiday. Lots of people want to take the risk and think the chances of anything going wrong are so slim it's worth it.

Daisydot123

I certainly don't think I am entitled to this money. Or even want this money. It's not my money. BUT the fact he felt the need to express he needed to do this has really hurt me. I have decided that I don't wanna use any of that money as part of our deposit for a house. I don't wanna be made felt like it wasn't my money.

lulu_92

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I certainly don't think I am entitled to this money. Or even want this money. It's not my money. BUT the fact he felt the need to express he needed to do this has really hurt me. I have decided that I don't wanna use any of that money as part of our deposit for a house. I don't wanna be made felt like it wasn't my money.

Wouldn't you rather know his intentions? It is an awfully large amount of money and I would be just as cautious.

I'm not saying you should be upset, but I think you're reading into it too much.

Marriages do fail for a multitude of reasons so of course he wants to protect his assets if that happens, but he is not in any way saying he doesn't want to be with you!