HELP!! Mortgage deposit, my husband has more!!

SuzieSue

OP, don't let this matter ruin your relationship.

Just because you wouldn't have thought about it if you had inhertited the money instead of him, doesn't mean that he shouldn't have said anything.

I know too many people whose wives/husbands have left them after decades of marriage so I can understand why he is being cautious.

You are both young and you will change over the next 10, 20, 30 years. You might grow apart and want different things or you might grow together and stay married for decades. No-one know what will happen. You certainly don't and neither does he.

tea_lover

heartbreak_star wrote: »

He's protecting his assets. Nothing wrong with that, IMO.

HBS x

But they're married, so they're all joint assets. Want your own assets, don't get married.

SuzieSue

tea_lover wrote: »

But they're married, so they're all joint assets.

And that is all her husband is saying, he just wants so protect himself if they get divorced not when they are married.

heartbreak_star

tea_lover wrote: »

But they're married, so they're all joint assets. Want your own assets, don't get married.

The whole "own pots or one pot" thing is a very Marmite subject that's pretty much been done to death on here.

If OH and I married, we'd have some sort of legal document drawn up stating we have no claims on each other's money. Even now, I only have a vague idea of what he earns and vice versa. We have separate current accounts and savings accounts, and we never intend having children.

It works for us but certainly wouldn't work for everyone.

HBS x

SavingPennies_2

If you were just partners they I would totally agree with him and say he was being sensible. However, you are married now, he already made the commitment and part of that is to share everything, now he's backtracking, I'd be hurt too.

tea_lover

heartbreak_star wrote: »

The whole "own pots or one pot" thing is a very Marmite subject that's pretty much been done to death on here.

If OH and I married, we'd have some sort of legal document drawn up stating we have no claims on each other's money. Even now, I only have a vague idea of what he earns and vice versa. We have separate current accounts and savings accounts, and we never intend having children.

It works for us but certainly wouldn't work for everyone.

HBS x

I'm not talking about the daily logistics of separate bank accounts etc. I agree that's been done to death, and is very much down to what works best for the couple involved.

I'm referring more to the legalities of marriage. When you marry you take a financial risk. If you're not prepared to take that risk, don't get married. It's not as if anyone needs to anymore should they choose not to. If you do choose to marry you have to accept that (legally) you stand to lose if that marriage ends.

Wanting to be married and yet still protect singly-owned assets comes across as wanting to have your cake and eat it.

(To be clear - I mean a general 'you' here, not any poster in particular).

lika_86

My dad died when I was little. He put into place life insurance and other policies so that my mum, my sister and I would be ok if something happened to him. He isn't around to bail us out (as some parents do) if something goes wrong, our inheritance is what we have in his absence.

Let your husband protect what he has from his family.

If I understand your first post correctly, you own a house in your name that was your mum's? If so, would selling that and then putting in equal amounts be an option?

Tropez

Not read all the responses but the thing that stuck out is that this money has come from the death of his father. It's difficult to explain but it may be that he feels in some way like this money has extra meaning to him, like he has a responsibility for it to be used well.

It's not quite the same but the house I live in was bought from money from an inheritance. I would find it hard if I lost the house because of a divorce, in the same way all those things I still have from my deceased father have sentimental attachment to them and I wouldn't like to lose them either.

duchy

Daisydot123 wrote: »

We have been together 8 years. married for one. Have no children so we don't need to have a joint account.

Um
What on earth does having children to do with needing a joint account ?

Plenty of childless couples have a joint account-makes a lot of sense for paying household bills as both can contribute to the "bills account".

As for the OP as they have only been married for a year so if the husband or wife "ran off with another man in three years" odds are as they'd be married less than five years and with no children a court would be unlikely to go fifty fifty anyway

He does sound a complete prince though !

pelirocco

comeandgo wrote: »

Alleycat I agree with you. My husband and I have been together 15 years. When he "arrived" he came with a 60k divorce settlement. That's not my money and never has been and I've never seen it as mine. When he dies it's going to his children.

We have been married 33 years 5 years ago my MIL died and my husband and his sister inheirited it , I made sure our wills stated that his share of the house was not mine and would go to our children . The house was sold last year and the money put into a joint account , he couldnt understand why I didnt think i was entitled to it