HELP!! Mortgage deposit, my husband has more!!

Daisydot123

We have been together 8 years. married for one. Have no children so we don't need to have a joint account.

Northern78

Similar situation for us although not the same amounts of money involved.

When DH and I met I had my own flat, bought it cheap as it was repossessed. Spent a fair bit of money doing it up and we both lived in it for a couple of years, him paying me so much a month towards bills, food etc.

I then sold the flat and made about £40,000 profit. I paid of some debts and with the rest I put a £25,000 deposit down on our house and bought us things like a new tv, bed, fridge, washing machine etc.

After moving into the house we decided that all our money should just be one big pot of money rather than mine and his. Our wages are paid into a joint account and we each have a set amount per month to do with what we like.

Although 'I' paid the deposit and bought the stuff for the house, he earns more than me so contributes more to the household. In around 7 years he will also have served his time in the Armed Forces and so will receive a pension and a lump sum of money. He always refers to that money as ours. Ours to spend on the house, ours to pay for a nice holiday for us and the kids.

I think it's sad when different views on money cause friction in relationships as I've always found it to be very much give and take.

Like people have suggested previously it may be to do with grief but I do understand your reaction.

I hope you get it sorted.

Izadora

Billie-S wrote: »

They end up with the men spending on frivolous luxuries for themselves.

He's talking about putting down a big deposit on a shared house, which will give them both a better standard of living due to a lower mortgage, not frittering it away on things just for him.

I don't see it as him saying that she can't share any of it, just that he wants to protect his inheritance (which, at the moment, he may well be seeing as all he has left of his dad) in the unlikely event that things don't work out.

Georgiegirl256

Daisydot123 wrote: »

Yep I total understand that BUT he has all his inheritance money now. That will be all he will ever in his lifetime get. And he wants to do that. Keep it all to himself. What about my inheritance that is all still to come... So should he be entitled to that.

That's totally up to you, and only a decision that you can make.

What happens if we have children and then I'm left with children in an awful situation. This was suppose to be an amazing start to our future. (Not in the best circumstances)mi just don't agree with it at

Presumeably the house will be in both of your names? It's only his deposit that he is wanting to protect, and that is some hefty deposit!

Plus I don't see anything ever gonna happen that we will break up. I just think it is a very unnecessary conversation. We both have never been married before. We've been together nearly 10 years and I just feel I'm being treated like I'm a random girl who has just met him a year ago.

The amount of people I have heard say that. My ex boss for one....he's now on his third wife. No one goes (or at least they shouldn't) into marriage wanting it to fail, but the sad truth is they do and they can. To say that you 'don't see anything ever gonna happen that we will break up', is a very naive statement.

Answers above in red.

Cat2011

I'm joining the minority on this - he's just being sensible. I see nothing wrong with what he said - maybe he could have phrased it better.

Marriages do (rather often) end. Obviously no one wants that to happen, but it's daft not to have something in place for such a large sum of money.

He's not keeping it all to himself and spending it on himself. He's buying the OP a house! That sounds pretty damn generous to me.

peachyprice

Daisydot123 wrote: »

So we are gonna have about 60k to 100k deposit.

Daisydot123 wrote: »

And he wants to do that. Keep it all to himself. (

How is putting all of his inheritance into a home for you keeping it all for himself? I really don't understand that.

[Deleted User]

He's not buying the OP a house!!!!!

He's buying himself a house and letting the OP live there for now.

I agree, Daisy, don't let him use it on the house. Save for a deposit together otherwise you'll always feels as though you are living in 'his' house

FBaby

What did he marry you then if he was never prepared to share everything? Did he not realise what the implication of being married were?

My OH and I got married last year. If we were to separate I would be better off as a result they is until my parents pass away and then it will be the other way. We were both aware of this when we married.

heartbreak_star

He's protecting his assets. Nothing wrong with that, IMO.

HBS x

peachyprice

victoria61 wrote: »

He's not buying the OP a house!!!!!

He's buying himself a house and letting the OP live there for now.

I agree, Daisy, don't let him use it on the house. Save for a deposit together otherwise you'll always feels as though you are living in 'his' house

No, THEY are buying a house, with him having the larger share, not the whole house. She will still own a percentage and will have the right to live there as long as she likes.

OP clearly has little faith in the future marriage if she sees this as a major stumbling block.

I own a larger percentage of our house, does it bother my husband? Hell no, he has faith in our marriage, and if he were to be the one to leave why should he be entitled more?