HELP!! Mortgage deposit, my husband has more!!

peachyprice

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Just a quick question for those who think the husband is right.

Say the OP agrees to this and 5yrs down the line they decide to move.

Should the OH still protect his £100K inheritance by 'owning' a larger share of the new property or should that then be 5050?

What about if they moved a 2nd time?

At what point would the OP be entitled to consider that it was now time for 50:50 ownership?

As his £60/100k would to provide a hefty proportion of the next house, of course, yes, he should still protect it.

When she puts the inheritance she's expecting into a house so that they have equal shares.

Errata

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Just a quick question for those who think the husband is right.

Say the OP agrees to this and 5yrs down the line they decide to move.

Should the OH still protect his £100K inheritance by 'owning' a larger share of the new property or should that then be 5050?

What about if they moved a 2nd time?

At what point would the OP be entitled to consider that it was now time for 50:50 ownership?

Pragmatically if the property increases in value by 5% every year the £100k deposit earns a proportionately larger percentage of that increase than, say, a £2k deposit does.

Dozey_crow

Daisydot123 wrote: »

Me and my husband have been together 8 years and living with each other for 7. We are planning on buying our new home next year
Sadly a few months back his dad died and he has come into some money. So we are gonna have about 60k to 100k deposit. He mention last night something about saying that if anything goes wrong he wants it in writing he was the one but all the money down so therefore he gets it all back.
It really upset me, to the point where I couldn't even have the conversation with him.
I also own my mothers house after her day and not have I ever said anything about making sure he wouldn't get it if something went wrong. I find it appalling and to be honest it's putting a massif dampener on looking for a house cos now I feel like it's his money.

To be honest if I had that money it wouldn't of even crossed my mind to do anything like that. It really upsets me. And I don't know what to say to him about it. Apart from I don't agree with it.... ????

Hi Daisy,
My goodness your post has opened a can of worms!!

In answer to your question I would be equally as distraught as you are if Mr husband said something like that to me and my husband, if I said something like this to him, would feel the same way (I asked him).

As far as I (we) are concerned we are a partnership and have been since we met before we married. Any money is "ours" no matter who earnt, won our inherited it.
This does not mean that we have no autonomy either.... We both spend what we want but would mention if either wants a big purchase. There is never any problem. Trust is the centre of any relationship and we trust eachother completely.

Like others we have been in different financial circumstances where one earns more, one had more savings or pays more bills, one has an inheritance the other doesn't, one has assets then it changes round. We don't care and if our relationship was to fail them money would be the very last thing either of us would be distraught about!

To the second part of your question...If he were my husband I would be mindful that he is greiving and may not have meant it as he said it but I would have to explain that it hurt me and try making it clear that I need him to understand. I would also mention the situation with your mother's house and ask how he would have felt.

Hugs xx

nash1977

My parents have 2 houses in London and a house abroad. When I marry (my parents keep nagging me to find a bride!), I would never consider protecting my inheritance.

74jax

nash1977 wrote: »

My parents have 2 houses in London and a house abroad. When I marry (my parents keep nagging me to find a bride!), I would never consider protecting my inheritance.

But that's ok too. There is no right or wrong.

If you divorce and your ex wife then gets half, as long as you don't mind then that is what is right for you.

Others may not be as generous, again, that doesn't mean it's wrong.

Violet8

Think we're coming to the conclusion that everyone thinks differently about this, and there is no right or wrong, so it is probably worth trying not to get upset if your opinions vary, as it is not as if your OH is "wrong", just of a different mind.

Personally I would have been pleased if my husband had said what the OPs said, so horses for courses.

Morglin

I must be old fashioned - we share everything, and when i got a large inheritance, from my uncle, a couple of years ago, i saw it as OURS, not mine!

However, as we had been married before, he did insist that i protect my kids to enable them to receive any residue when we are both dead.

We discussed what to give the adult kids, at the time (mine got more because his kids have an inheritance to come from "their relative" when she dies), but the rest went into our home and joint investments.

A properly drawn up Will has protected my kids if we die suddenly.

The same will happen again when I receive a further inheritance due, whenever that happens.

And, I cannot imagine it being any other way, as we shared during the skint times (and he had a higher income than me) so we share through the better times!

Lin

JimmyTheWig

74jax wrote: »

As I said earlier on here, and also on other threads we do have a pre nup. Hubby wanted one and I wasnt fussed.

Ours expires after something like ten years, but I don't really know. I could see why he wanted to protect his dad's money from me if we split after only a couple of years. But after a certain length of time, to him, he felt it should be 50/50.

Obviously it's your lives and your marriage, and what I think doesn't really matter.
But I would say that in this situation it sounds like it is only "after a certain length of time" that he would feel ready to be married.
If it takes 10 years before he's ready to say "everything I own I share with you" then that's fine. But he shouldn't say it, in my opinion, until he's ready.